Over the years as an English teacher, I've collected samples of
side-splitting mistakes. Here is a sample (I wish I knew who
originally collected these!)
English Can Be a Funny Language
Cocktail
Lounge,
Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE
CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a
Budapest Zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD,
GIVE IT TO THE GUARD.
Doctor's
Office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel
Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED
HERE.
Information
booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR
ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Car
rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET
HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE,
THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.
Dry
Cleaner's, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
Sign in
men's rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK, TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.
In a
Nairobi Restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE
MANAGER.
On the
grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
On an
Athi River Highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS
IMPASSABLE.
On a
poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a
City Restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
One of
the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.
A sign
seen on an automatic restroom handdryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
In a
Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
In a
cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR
OWN GRAVES.
Sign in
Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
Tokyo
Hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE PROHIBITED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING
BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
Hotel
Notice: Tokyo:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A
PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING, PLEASE NOT TO HAVE NOTICED.
On the
menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a
Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
In a
Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A
MAN.
Hotel
Room Notice: Chaing-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.
Hotel
Brochure: Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT,
CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS
SOLITUDE.
Hotel
Lobby, Bucharest:
THIS LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE
REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
Hotel
Elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
Hotel
Yugoslavia:
THE FLATENNING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE
CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel
Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the
lobby of a Moscow Hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND
SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT
THURSDAY.
Hotel
catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE
BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
Taken
from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY
DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF
RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.
Supermarket,
Hongkong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT
SELF-SERVICE.
From a
Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET
REPUBLIC PAINTERSAND SCULPTORS. THESE WHERE EXECUTED OVER THE
PAST TWO YEARS.
In an
East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IN RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS
HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
Hotel
Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
A sign
posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICKLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT
PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE
TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR
THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel
Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE
SEX IN THE BED ROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR
THIS PURPOSE.
An
advertisement by a Hongkong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
A
laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A
GOOD TIME.
Tourist
agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVER CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO
MISCARRIAGES.
Advertisement
for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
In the
window on a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
The box
of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
In a
Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE CREAM.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
"Parts is parts" comes to mind (a
line from a McDonald's commercial back in the 80's)... 