| Thu, Apr 20 2017 03:34pm IST 1 |
Tinks
7 Posts
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Hi there,
I need some help. My tutor on my MA Scriptwriting course has asked
me to sharpen the dialogue in my script. However she didn't
actually tell me what exactly sharpening dialogue means. Any advice
anyone, please?
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| Thu, Apr 20 2017 04:25pm IST 2 |
Pinkbelt75
1399 Posts
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Bin off unnecessary words. Try reading it aloud. I'd it sounds odd
you need to look at the key language used.
I would never write something like, "Could you pass the salt to
me please.?
'Pass the salt, please.'
Obviously it depends on the context but it's all about making it
sound natural.
A bartender watching a disgruntled customer: Is he more likely to
say 'How was your day at work?' or, 'Rough day?'
I'd say that if you can cut words out of dialogue and portray the
same thing, then lose them.
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| Thu, Apr 20 2017 04:26pm IST 3 |
Pinkbelt75
1399 Posts
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* If it sounds odd
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| Thu, Apr 20 2017 04:28pm IST 4 |
Pinkbelt75
1399 Posts
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Sorry about the punctuation on that first speech section. Walking
the dog and typing with one hand is not advised.
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| Thu, Apr 20 2017 04:36pm IST 5 |
Pinkbelt75
1399 Posts
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Here's a small section from my WIP. It's a conversation between a
police officer and the lead crime scene Investigator.
Bill stops in the entrance and positions his huge flashlight on
the ground, creating a cone of artificial daylight.
‘Jesus, Bill.’
‘What’s up? You scared of the dark?’ He clamps his enormous paw
on my shoulder. ‘Do you want a little back rub?’
‘Funny. You been to Maccies today?’
‘Not if the missus asks. She says I’m getting fat.’
‘Getting?’
‘Cheeky bastard.’ He rubs his belly and his tongue slithers
around his lips.
‘Seriously, Bill, you’re gonna wish you’d passed on the
McMuffins.’
‘Nah. I’m yet to find a stiff that can turn these guts.’
‘You’ve never seen anything like this.’
His eyebrows scrunch together. ‘Come on then. What have you got
for me?’
‘A woman — looks to be in her thirties. Over there, on the
right-hand wall.’ I nod in the general direction.
‘It’s only the right if you come in from this side.’ His belly
laugh resonates through the tunnel, but fades when I don’t join
in. ‘Are you alright, Jack? You look bloody awful.’
‘I’m fine.’
His expression suggests he’s not buying it, but he doesn’t
push. Instead, he sweeps down and picks up his flashlight in a
dramatic bow. ‘Shall we?’
Hope it helps
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| Thu, Apr 20 2017 04:37pm IST 6 |
EmmaD
3342 Posts
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This might help? It's about prose, not script, but the principles
aren't very different (I'm always telling prose writers to think
like actors and playwrights!)
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| Thu, Apr 20 2017 04:39pm IST 7 |
Pinkbelt75
1399 Posts
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Beat me to it I was just copying the link to your page, Emma.
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| Thu, Apr 20 2017 04:43pm IST 8 |
EmmaD
3342 Posts
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Thanks, Pink ;) I was on my way into the Self-Editing Course, and
spotted the query.
And good luck with the MA, Tinks!
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| Thu, Apr 20 2017 05:09pm IST 9 |
Tinks
7 Posts
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Thanks guys, this'll really help. I'll let you know how it goes
when I get back to uni next week.
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| Sat, Apr 22 2017 07:53am IST 10 |
Lou
542 Posts
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Hi Tinks, I've spent the past year writing a screenplay and I have
to say, dialogue is one of the hardest parts. I try to remember:
keep dialogue to a minimum - if something can be shown, rather than
spoken, show it. Dialogue is the last resort.
And keep dialogue EVASIVE wherever possible. Think about what a
character isn't saying... or is really trying to say.
HTH!
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| Sat, Apr 22 2017 11:15pm IST 11 |
JtF
312 Posts
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Dear Tinks, as the dialogue supports the action we just need the
verbal gist. Nothing too "on the nose please" and it often helps to
start late and finish early. I thank you!
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| Thu, Apr 27 2017 08:39pm IST 12 |
JtF
312 Posts
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Hi Tinks, post your opening pages on here -- as a new topic. A
small sample of my stuff is on here and also the Scenes R us group.
Best JtF
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| Wed, Aug 2 2017 11:00am IST 13 |
falcieri
51 Posts
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Dialogue is tricky. My scripts are historically based so the
language is always very different to how we would speak now.
Thankfully I have historical sources to draw on to guide me as to
how my characters actually wrote and spoke and that gets me into
the mindset of the person which helps develop their characters and
how they would behave.
I find reading it allowed really helps. You get an image in your
head when you read that can be misleading. Take the script, be the
character, act it and say it. If it doesn't sound right or your
directions don't flow with the dialogue then that's what you look
at. It's what feels natural. Find some friends who are into acting
and get them to act bits out in front of you. If it feels awkward
they will tell you.
Good luck. Writing scripts is fun. Breathing life into people
whether they are fictitious or real is fun. Enjoy it. The world is
your oyster!
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