Which hook line do prefer?

Thu, Jan 11 2018 11:15am GMT 1
Chico
Chico
202 Posts
I am working on a query letter for my novel and it is proving rather tricky. So I have decided to focus on the hook line or log line. I have composed a few and would like to ask what people think. Could you let me know what are your top three in order of preference? This would be an immense help.

1. When it came to the gifts of recovery, he never expected an opportunity to catch a serial rapist to be one of them.

2. Three ex-heroin users are thrown together when they discover someone is raping students where one of them works.

3. All he did was try to impress a woman, he ended up hunting down a serial rapist with two other recovering addicts.

4. All wanted to do was impress a woman, he ended up hunting down a serial rapist.

5. Drug them, rape them, film it, then show them the clip and threaten them. If they don't….

6. Just when they thought they had recovery figured, along comes a serial rapist.

7. God, grant me the cunning to catch a serial rapist.

8. For three recovering addicts catching a serial rapist turns into a unique way of becoming useful and productive members of society.

9. Of all the ways of getting back into mainstream society, catching rapists is not what these three recovering addicts would have picked.

10. How many recovering addicts does it take to catch a serial rapist?

11. A recovering addict must catch a serial rapist in order to find out if he's found love, or just another layer of his addiction.

12. Falling in love is easy, catching rapists, however, proves rather more difficult.

13. When a laptop goes missing from a sixth-form college, three recovering addicts come together to bring a serial rapist to justice.

Thu, Jan 11 2018 06:12pm GMT 2
BellaM
BellaM
2392 Posts
9,4,11
Thu, Jan 11 2018 07:47pm GMT 3
T B Carter
T B Carter
25 Posts
10, Probably inappropriate but this is my favourite
11, This is probably the one you should choose, I still like 1o though.
9, A toss up with 11
Thu, Jan 11 2018 07:50pm GMT 4
Seagreen
Seagreen
2213 Posts
13, 12, 10
Fri, Jan 12 2018 08:23am GMT 5
Giselle
Giselle
2997 Posts
4, 9, 11. Eleven puts a nice spin on love being an addiction.

How many addicts does it take to catch a serial killer? Shameless! :-)

Rereading other Cloudy choices after I've made mine, I note thatI followed Bella all the way. *Waves to Bella.*
Fri, Jan 12 2018 09:05am GMT 6
Chico
Chico
202 Posts
Thanks every one.

At this point (I have asked this question of others as well)

13 is in the lead, but with a suggested change so it reads

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-indent: 18.0px; font: 14.0px Cochin}
When a laptop goes missing from a college staff room it sets three recovering addicts on a mission bring a serial rapist to justice.

So I guess we could call this 14. At the moment this is my front runner.
Fri, Jan 12 2018 01:31pm GMT 7
Scheherazade
Scheherazade
628 Posts
I like best
Fri, Jan 12 2018 01:32pm GMT 8
Scheherazade
Scheherazade
628 Posts
sorry - fat finger - meant 4 !!
Fri, Jan 12 2018 05:58pm GMT 9
KallieRosa
KallieRosa
18 Posts
9, 11, 13.
Sat, Jan 13 2018 09:35am GMT 10
Squidge
Squidge
2196 Posts
9, 11. Your new version of 13 sounds too simple - a laptop goes missing? How is that linked either to the addicts or the rapists? It sound like a jumble of things thrown together, whereas the two I prefer tell you exactly what you're getting - and which one wins out depend on how many POV's there are - one or three?

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