The Word Cloud

Check list

Overused Words to Avoid and/or Use Very Selectively

• Approached
• Are you all right? (this has to be the most over-used question in fiction)
• As (clauses)
• Become/became
• Began
• Eyed/eyeing
• expression
• face
• Felt
• Gave
• Gaze/gazed
• Glanced
• Looked
• Looked like
• Made
• Made a face
• Made his/her way
• making
• Name was
• Nodded
• Reached
• Recalled
• remembered
• seemed
• Shook his/her head
• Shot (as in shot him/her a glance)
• Shrug/shrugged
• Somehow
• THAT (despite Strunk & White's frequently being cited as the bible of writers, their advice on avoiding this word somehow gets ignored)
• Then
• Touched
• Turned
• Was (I hesitated to list this one because it's the most used verb by all of us, but there are times when a much more active, descriptive verb is possible without feeling contrived and should be used instead)
• Watched/watching
• With (prepositional phrases--don't rely on them so much)

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Ten-Point Revision Strategy - #1 RUE

For the next few posts, I wanted to go through the Ten-Point Revision Strategy, point by point, try and highlight some basic concepts and throw the whole thing open to discussion. This is my strategy, created out of need to make my novel better, but that doesn't mean it's the only strategy or necessarily complete. I'm open to amending it, changing it, rearranging it. Whatever. The goal is simply to write the best fiction we can.

So once again, here's my current strategy, the one I'll be implementing as soon as I finish this post. (I'm on chapter 8 of the current re-write, by the way. I'll keep you posted of that progress also.) I want to emphasize that this applies most to the writing of thrillers and similar works, where story movement is key. Writer's of literary fiction may have different guidelines.

I write about this as much to help anyone who can benefit from all that I've learned as to help myself. By going through this strategy (or any other lesson) point-by-point, I help to cement that knowledge deeper into my own brain. Perhaps, if I cement it deep enough, it will finally stick.

So then, here's our first point.

The Ten-Point Revision Strategy

1) Remove unnecessary exposition - RUE (resist urge to explain) - keep them guessing

2) Show don't tell

3) Know each character's motivation

4) Tighten dialogue - no direct answers

5) End chapter earlier - cut last paragraph

6) Kill adverbs

7) Tighten words

8) Describe through movement

9) Shorten as tension increases

10) Move story forward

Today's lesson is simple: RUE. Resist the Urge to Explain.

Write those letters on a piece of paper and tape it near your writing place. I have it in big letters, taped to my printer. RUE. Resist the Urge to Explain.

Nothing can kill a story faster than the author's perceived need to explain the story, or a character, or a motivation. Even a scientific point. The exposition literally stops the story in its tracks while the author jumps in. "In order to understand this, first let me explain why Jeff behaves this way. You see, as a child . . blah, blah, blah."

Don't do it. Writer's call this the dreaded Info Dump. Character backstory, character personality sketch. Scientific information.

What you need to do is show this information, not tell it. Create a way to show your character is a bitch, don't tell us she was mean to her friends in eighth grade. Show us the scientific process, describing it as it's happening. Don't simply drop a paragraph of stuff at us.

Sometimes, the best way to do this is through action or dialog. Other times, it helps to put the information you need to express into a character's thoughts. But briefly. We really don't soliloquize about this stuff.

Always the best way to present information is in the context of the story, with the story moving forward.

This is an area I need to work on. As a doctor, Professor and Lecturer, I'm used to explaining things. Writing scientific/medical fiction, the urge is to tell them the history of my science. Who did what, when, to try and establish scientific credibility. When what I need to do, is tell the story. Drop in the necessary facts, but show the science as it's happening. This makes it real. This makes it interesting.

Resist the Urge to Explain. RUE. Memorize it. It works.

The great thing about this checklist is I can use it for other things besides my own writing. I can use it when I read a book for review or when I critique other writers. Here's my list--hope you can find a way to use it as well.

1. First Chapters

Does the beginning of the story:

• set up the story problem and reveal the internal and external conflicts of characters?
• bond the reader to the main character?
• start in the middle of the action to draw the reader in?
• show the old world environment and protagonist before the story change?
• give a glimpse of the major characters, and how they view themselves and their situation?
• show interpersonal dynamics between major characters?
• hint at backstory (but only what is natural to tell the reader in the context of they story)?
• make the reader want to continue to the second part of the story?

2. Punctuation, Usage, Grammar & Spelling

It's easy to miss these little things when you're concentrating on big things like plot, pacing and characterization, but they are every bit as important.

Mistakes in this area draw your readers away from the story world. Your job as a storyteller is to keep them in the story world, not have them puzzling over the misuse of a word.

3. Plot, Structure & Scene

• Does every scene have a purpose, such as moving the story forward and developing the characters?
• Is every scene either an Action (with goals, conflict & disaster) or Reaction (with dilemmas and decisions of the character)?
• Are subplots woven into the storyline?
• Is the plot logical and believable?
• Does the story follow the three-act structure: Act I (first quarter of the book-see point 1 above); Act II (developing plot through conflict & tension, escalating the stakes for the main characters); Act III (provides resolution to the story in a way that resonates with the reader; answers story problem set in the beginning of the novel)?
• Does the micro-structure of my story include motivation reaction units (cause and effect, stimulus/response)? (See Dwight V. Swain's Techniques of the Selling Writer.)

4. Pacing

• Are there places where you're tempted to skim? (So will the reader.)
• Do action scenes move fast enough (with shorter sentences and paragraphs and less description)?
• Does the story drag in places because of too much introspection or description?

5. Dialogue

Does the dialogue:

• sound realistic and natural?
• reveal the characters, including background and education?
• advance the story?
• bore the reader with the common? ("Hello. How are you?" "I'm fine. How about you?"- YAWN)
• develop character relationships?
• reveal emotion?
• sound like you rather than the characters?

Are attributions:

• only used when needed?
• limited to the simple "he said/she said (asked)" and auditory verbs?

6. Sensory Detail

• Are all five senses (sight, smell, sound, taste & touch) used in every scene in a way that adds to the overall story?
• Have you included the sense of being led by the Spirit?
• Have you included sense of time and sense of space in every scene?

7. Passive/Active

• Have you used strong verbs and nouns?
• Have you avoided the use of "was" and other "to be" verbs as much as possible?
• Do you have the subjects doing the action rather than being acted upon?
• Have you checked "ing" verbs and "as" to make sure they are used correctly?
• Do you "show" rather than "tell" as much as possible?

8. Overused Words & Phrases/Cliches

• Are the same words and phrases used over and over again throughout the novel and in close proximity to each other?
• Are you using the same body language and facial expressions over and over again?
• Are you using tired and lifeless cliches rather than fresh writing?
• Have you used the "Find" feature on your word processing program to find overused words and phrases?

9. Characterization

• Are your characters unique and individual, from each other, and from you?
• Are they unforgettable and endearing?
• Do they have well-motivated actions and reactions? In other words, are they believable?
• Are they four-dimensional (spirit, body, mind, emotions)?
• Do they have positive and negative qualities?
• Do they have inner and outer conflicts and goals?
• Do they change over the course of the story?
• Do they have an identifiable voice?
• Are they consistently inconsistent? (All real people are.)
• Do they have quirks, mannerisms or traits that make them memorable?

10. Emotion

• Do I give the reader a powerful emotional experience? (See Randy Ingermanson's Advanced Fiction Writing site.)
• Do I show the strong emotional responses of characters? (These are involuntary physical responses that come from a person's emotional reaction to sensory stimuli. See Margie Lawson's "Empowering Character Emotion" workshop.)
• Do I use fresh language to adequately express the emotion the character is feeling without resorting to cliches or telling the reader what the character is feeling?
• Do I use emotional hits in my writing? (Again, see Margie Lawson's most excellent workshop.)

11. Setting

• Do I sprinkle description throughout the story rather than load it all in one place?
• Do I give the reader a sense of being in the story world through the character's sensory perception of the setting?
• Do I use climate and light to reinforce the mood of the story and what is happening to the character?

12. RUE

• Do I "resist the urge to explain" what my character is saying, thinking, and feeling?
• Am I using telling adverbs and adjectives that explain, rather than letting the reader discover?

13. Research

Have I thoroughly and carefully researched details for my story, including:

• setting?
• names?
• legal and medical issues?
• historical facts?

14. Point Of View & Tense

• Do I stay in one character's point of view for each scene, rather than hopping from one head to the other?
• Do I stay in the same tense for the entire book (or each scene, depending on the structure of the story)?

15. Backstory

• Do I throw in backstory naturally, as the character would tell the past?
• Do I use backstory in small snippets throughout the story?
• Do I use only the backstory that is necessary to the plot?

16. Cadence/Voice/Style

• Have I read the story aloud to check for cadence?
• Have I maintained a consistent tone throughout the story?

17. Backloading & Rhetorical Devices

• Have I worded my sentences & paragraphs so that the most powerful words are at the end?
• Have I used various rhetorical devices, such as metaphors and similes, to make the story more powerful?

18. Hooks

• Do I use a hook at the beginning of each scene/chapter to draw the reader further into the story?
• Do I use hooks at the ends of scenes/chapters to compel the reader to keep turning pages?

19. Choreography/Action

• Have I choreographed my character's actions in the scene so that every move makes sense and adds to the story?
• Have I interspersed these actions with dialogue, body language, sensory detail, setting, internal monologue and conflict?

20. Theme

• Has the theme of my story come through naturally, without resorting to preachiness or politicizing?

Please feel free to add your own editing process tips in the comment section. I'm always eager to learn more. Are there any bullet points you would add under these topic headings? Are there other topic headings you would add?

Please feel free to link to this post, and don't forget about social bookmarking (I Digg being Dugg)!

10 Overused Words in Writing

All words are good words. Some, however, are overused without adding value to what you write. As a result, they reduce the readers’ interest, make text seem redundant, and cause the writer to appear amateurish.

We have created a list of 10 overused words, based on the documents we have edited over the last 5 years. We don’t recommend that you remove these words from your writing. Instead, we recommend that you become aware of how often you use them and that you revise your documents to limit their use.

1. There
When writers are not sure about the subjects of their sentences, they will often use this word as the subject. This results in weak writing. (For advice on correcting this problem, see our article “Where Is There?”)

Example: “There was no one at home.” This can be revised as “No one was at home.”

2. You
Writers often use this word when referring to general or reoccurring situations. “You” rarely refers to the reader and should be avoided.

Example: “Our grandmother was nice. She always gave you candy.” This can be revised as “Our grandmother was nice. She always gave us candy.”

3. If
Although “if” is a fine word, it is overused by writers trying to describe options and thought processes.

Example: “If she took the bus, she wouldn’t have time to stop by the grocery store.” This can be revised as “Taking the bus would leave her too little time to stop by the grocery store.”

4. When
Readers realize that actions can occur at the same time, which is what the word “when” indicates. Thus, “when” is usually unnecessary.

Example: “When she opened the door, she saw blood on the floor.” This can be revised as “She opened the door and saw the blood on the floor.” Some writers use “when” to describe actions that cannot occur at the same time, as in “When she woke up, she made coffee.” Actually, she first wakes up and then makes the coffee. This can be revised as “She woke up and made the coffee.”

5. As
We once worked on a book in which the author used this word repeatedly to describe the timing of actions, often 3 or 4 times in one paragraph.

Example: “He was shouting ‘Follow me!’ as he ran down the road.” This can be revised as “He ran down the road shouting ‘Follow me!’ ”

6. Very
Mark Twain made this comment about using “very”: “Substitute ‘damn’ every time you're inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” “Very” is a crutch for finding the right word to describe what you mean to say. Find the right word.

Example: “He was very old.” This can be revised as “He was ancient.”

Also, in this example, you can simply write, “He was old,” and then provide text to further explain what you mean by “old.” For example, you could write, “He was old. He walked hesitantly, knowing that his brittle bones would surely break were he to stumble over an unseen obstacle.”

7. Really
Generally, this word can be removed without changing the meaning of a sentence. Anything that is true is also really true.

Example: “He was really nervous about speaking in public.” This can be revised as “He was nervous about speaking in public.” To show a greater degree, use a different word, as in “He was panicky about speaking in public” or “Public speaking scared him.”

8. Am/Is/Are/Was/Were (“to be” verbs)
Action verbs are always preferable to state-of-being verbs. Use words that describe the action occurring. Rather than saying what something/someone is, show the reader what something/someone does.

Example: “I am envious of her success.” This can be revised as “I envy her success.”

Example: “She was dressed in leather chaps and a flannel shirt.” This can be revised as “She wore leather chaps and a flannel shirt.”

9. So
See #7. “So” is also overused as a conjunction.

Example: “Her face was inches from his own, so he leaned forward and kissed her.” This can be revised as “Her face was inches from his own. He leaned forward and kissed her.”

10. Because
This word is overused to provide explanations. To fix this, use the word “and” with action verbs.

Example: “He wanted to go to the fair because his friends would be there.” This can be revised as “He wanted to go to the fair and meet with his friends.”

Example: “I want to leave because I am tired.” This can be revised as “I’m tired and want to leave.”

(These are only guidelines - use what you applies to your writing and disregard the rest.)

Thank You Nashelle, this is difinatly going to come in handy when revising my first draft when finished.
My only problem is the oposite to yours, I think I only write the basics on a first draft and need to expand when doing the second draft.

Thank you so much for posting this it's going to be a great help.
Thank you
Duncan

Awesome. I'm gonna print out the whole thing and pin it to the wall above my desk. I'd already noticed I overuse 'began' and 'turned', but now I'll have to go through my novel again - the editing never ends, weep wail!

Excellent, thanks Nashelle, I'll be keeping this. My characters often nod, I'm not sorry. I like the word nod:p

Btw, where has this come from, did you compile all this?

I am going to save this, Nashelle - very helpful (although it does make me want to weep - whilst things like this are hugely important and helpful, it is just another thing to fret over! XD)

One word I over-use dreadfully is 'suddenly', and I know I'm not alone (ideed, I'm probably now over-sensitive to it, and take out too many)

It's very instructive to paste your novel into the word-cloud-making site - sorry, can't remember the name - and see what comes out as most frequent. It's never what you expect...

Thanks Nashelle, this is great. Just when I think I have finished editing a chapter, I go through checking for this kind of thing, and I've ALWAYS missed something, and it's never the same thing. Is there ever an end to editing?

This is stuff I've compiled from several places. I left out my list of over-used words! I'm goign to find that cloud maker now...

You still looking, Nashelle?:p I reckon it's 'Wordle'. Good fun!

Very interesting, Nashelle, thanks.
All the examples are especially helpful.
I tend to include faffy words on the first draft and however vigilant I am, the little buggers still sneak through; words like "of course" and "in fact" and "naturally" and "however", as though I (the author) am addressing Dear Reader directly. I wind myself up into a tizz when I do it and mutter away to myself, thereby demonstrating how even *I* have dropped out of the story.

Oh, and starting too many sentences with "But". But sometimes it's called for, isn't it?

I've just realised that 'just' isn't on the list. It's a word I regularly overuse and there just isn't a just cause to do so...

Extremely helpful, Nashelle. I, too, am saving this for later referral.

I'm also a fan of sentences with "just", and I keep reminding myself not to use the dratted word!

I can't believe I missed this - thanks for pointing me to it. This has saved me an awful lot of trawling to build my own check list.

Goo grief, I could cry, I just finish chapter three and now I must start again!!!!!!

Does this ever end? Do you ever have to just put it down for a while to get perspective? I feel like I am over thinking everything. HELP.