The Word Cloud

A quick discussion, just now, with the creator of our Playpen, has reminded me why I became a writer. And it might not be the reason you would think.

I read Bill Bryson's Down Under (also called In a Sunburned Country), and thought it was rubbish.

Almost every other traveller I encountered in Australia, also had a dog-eared copy tucked away somewhere as their default read, and speaking to them, it became apparent that absolutely all of them felt the same way... mediocre at best.

Now, I'm not dissing Bryson. If you visit my profile page on here, and look at my 7 favourites, you will see 'A Sho' which was 'A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson;' until it got truncated by my harping-on about Douglas Adams. But maybe my expectations were too high, and Down Under just failed to deliver - brief flashes of brilliance, but nothing sustained.

So there was clearly a massive void in a huge market - give the travellers of Australia (which number seven hundred thousand each year) something they can replace Bryson with as their default. Maybe I could do that? Tell you what, I'll have a damn good stab at it.

But what really inspired me was a writer I met in Malta last year. She proudly showed me her work, and it was utter tripe. Really, the worst load of bunkum I'd ever had the misfortune to set eyes on. And she was published. So it made me realise: if she can get this tosh into print, then I certainly could... right, that's it, I'm going to write a book. At very least it'll be better than her badly structured, poorly written, wholly uninteresting twaddle.

Yes, I was surprised where my inspiration had come from - not the emulation of a great one, as I might've thought.

The work of EVERY writer I have read on WordCloud is a thousand times better than her pitiful efforts. For Christ's sake, keep going you lot... press on undeterred, and strive to get your good stuff out there into printland.

Thanks for your heartening words, old chum. I know exactly what you mean about being inspired by some of the dross that gets into print and thinking you can do better. I sometimes cheer myself up by looking at published novels that are so dire I can only imagine the acquisitions editor has now been made to walk the plank for having bought such crap. And then I imagine the jubilation that will ensue when they clap eyes on my fiction. The streets of London will be running with champagne.

One of his earliest works was excellent: notes from a small island, I think it was, about his experiences in the UK. Now that did make me laugh to the point of alienating fellow passengers. But I think it is true of most funny writers that the laughs gradually get thinner and thinner on the ground, the more books they churn out. I can forgive them that. At least Bill diversifies very well - I've just read his Shakespeare book, which if not hilarious, was insightful (to the point that very little is actually known about Shakespeare), and in his wonderful style that we have all become at ease and comfortable with. Like an old pair of undercrackers.

It does seem to me, though, that he is replacing laughs with a flare for excellent research.

Yes, I love Notes from a Small Island. And also the one about Europe. Its name escapes me but it's the bit about blow-up dolls in Sweden (or was it Finland?) that had me laughing out loud on the train. You're right, he has diversified in a way that sets an example to the rest of us. And his work with the CPRE is highly commendable. (Sorry, didn't mean that to be as pompous as it sounds.)

Inspirational indeed. I'm just popping back to the Word Game while the muse is on me. Later...

Blimey, Spangles, sounds like you've got the best agent south of the Watford Gap. What's her name?

I read the Australian one and the Uk one. Enjoyed both but not an expert on this genre.
Can I joinyou guys on Channel 4 too ?
Speaking of which, sorry change of subject,  I remember the day channel 4 started.

We've already saved a place in the limo for you, Aiyla. And I gather that Jonathan Ross is especially keen to interview you on his Friday show. I've been booked for a slot on Blue Peter. (Surely some mistake? Obviously not such a good agent after all.)

DAA-daaa-DA-DAAAA. And now Countdown.

I'm booked for Jackanory. Reading someone else's story. My agent's been fired.

Ooh Jonathon Ross great.

At least you don't have to go on Letterman. Anyone on here could write better stuff than his army of hapless script-monkeys.

This could be our Positive comments thread.

You can do it folks. You all have the magic inside. Keep digging and soom it'll all come tumbling out.

Word Clouders are great people and they've got talent, and yes I'm talking to YOU.

You're very kind, and so early in the morning too, when many people can only grunt.

Thanks Spangles ( he he ) It was a great show and I was pretty brilliant wasn't I ? 
There were loads of autographs and stuff to do afterwards though and I was just dying to jump back into the limo and drink more of that wonderful champagne.

Is Blue Peter scheduled for tonight then od did you manage the morning slot on Richard and Judy ?

You were fantastic. I loved your dress, too. It looked like an expensive French designer to me.

Don't forget the double sided sticky tape for goodness sake...

And the grown up to cut things out for you

Silly me! Thanks for reminding me. I've also got to finish the-one-I-made-earlier, which means eating another five KitKats and two Mivvies (for the lolly sticks).

I've been stuffing myself with sugar puffs all morning to give you the carboard box you wanted.

You're a sweetheart! I'm going to ask if they'll send you a special Blue Peter badge as a reward.

I've always wanted one of them, thanks a bunch.

Pissflaps. I got double-booked with Keith Chegwin. I can't compete with that.

Don't worry, Steve, think of the copy you'll get from it.

And asked to write the 'DAY IN YOUR LIFE' for The Times Sunday edition too.

Steve! You are a dark horse.