The Word Cloud

RELATIVE VELOCITY

by

Jacqueline Clark

FADE IN:

EXT. GARDENS OF GRESHAM HOUSE - DAY

A large country house set in extensive landscaped grounds. It is summer, the sky is perfectly blue and there is colour everywhere in the garden.

THE CAMERA MOVES RAPIDLY ACROSS FOLIAGE AND TOWARDS THE BUILDING. IT OVERTAKES A BUTTERFLY WHICH SETTLES ON A BUSH BESIDE THE HOUSE. THE CAMERA MOVES DOWN TO A SMALL BASEMENT WINDOW WITH BARS, THEN THROUGH TO THE ROOM BELOW WHERE IT COMES TO AN ABRUPT HALT.

CUT TO:

INT. ALEX’S ROOM - DAY

ALEX, a female child, 7/8 years old, is sitting on a bed in a hermetically sealed chamber with an airlock. The walls of the chamber are grey and stark - a prison cell. One wall of the chamber is half glazed and there is a foyer area beyond. On the bedside cabinet is a family photograph showing Alex with her parents. The woman in the photograph is wearing a butterfly pendent.

Alex swings a doll in her arms like a baby.

ALEX

(singing quietly)

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Hap...

There is a loud knock at the glass partition. Alex jumps and looks up at YOUNG KOVAC, 20, wearing a biohazard suit. He motions for her to stand away from the door. She watches as the air lock opens and he walks in pushing a medical trolley. On top of the trolley is a coffin-shaped box covered with a Perspex lid.

Alex tucks the doll into the bed covers, walks over to the trolley, climbs into the chamber and closes the lid. Kovac checks the seal, then wheels the trolley out of the room.

CUT TO:

INT. THE LAB - DAY

The lab is situated within an oak-panelled room. The far end of the space is filled by a large metal orb constructed of knife-like spines of steel (It looks like the metal cage used in the 1960’s show Joe 90). It stretches from floor to ceiling. In the centre an unconscious child is strapped into a dentist chair. Embedded in the floor and ceiling above and below the orb are a multitude of thin copper tubes, circuit boards and multicoloured wires.

Behind the sphere paintings of nobility hang from the walls. On the right of the room are a series of tall windows; with bars partially obscuring the view to the garden beyond. On the left are banks of flashing equipment. Everyone in the room wears biohazard suits. Two TECHNICIANS talk technical as they check the equipment.

DR. YOUNG, 35, squeezes out through the orb’s metal spines just as Kovac wheels the trolly into the room. As she’s pushed past the window, Alex can be seen inside the box straining to get a clear view of the garden. Kovac nods towards DR. Young, then parks the trolly in the centre of the room and leaves.

Dr. Young picks up an Extractor - a small pistol shaped device - from the bench as he approaches the trolly. Alex looks up expectantly, but is disappointed when her father turns his attention to one of the technicians.

DR. YOUNG

(Guilt ridden)

You do it, I...

He looks down at his shoes.

The technician, female 28 , takes the extractor from him, unlocks the box and lifts the lid. Alex rolls over, turning her back. The technician lifts Alex’s hair to reveal the nape of her neck. It is bruised and covered with puncture marks. She holds the extractor against Alex’s neck. There is a hissing sound and Alex lets out a whine of pain. Closing the lid of the box the technician checks the seal, before holding out the extractor to Dr. Young. He steps forward and removes his helmet; the others follow suit.

Nodding his approval to the technician, she removes a silver canister from inside the extractor, walks towards the sphere and squeezes inside. She then injects the fluids extracted from Alex into the unconscious child.

Meanwhile, Dr. Young walks over to the trolley and looks down at Alex through the lid of the box.

FADE TO:

EXT. FLASHBACK OF DEMOLISHED PARTICLE ACCELERATOR

Accompanied by young Kovac, Dr. Young picks his way through the rubble of a demolished building. Semi-obscured by debris is a sign that reads: MINISTRY OF DEFENCE HAREWOOD DALE PARTICLE ACCELERATOR. Both men are wearing CBRN suits.

DR. YOUNG

(calling)

Alexandra... Alexandra...

He stops to listen, then moves on.

DR. YOUNG (CONT’D)

(mumbling to himself)

We shouldn’t have brought her here.

KOVAC

You couldn’t anticipate...

A faint voice comes from the pile of debris before him.

ALEX

Daddy... Daddy, I’m here. Help me, Daddy.

Both men rush forward and pull at the wreckage until they reveal Alex; her legs trapped by a girder. Beyond her is the body of her mother, but from the girl’s position she cannot see the corpse.

DR. YOUNG.

Oh my god... It’s okay, sweetheart. Daddy’s got you.

The two men pull the girder off the girl’s legs and Dr. Young lifts his daughter into his arms. While he cuddles her, Kovac scans her with a hand-held device similar to a geiger counter.

KOVAC

(astonished)

Look at these readings.

He holds out the scanner for Dr. Young to see.

KOVAC (CONT’D)

She’s clean!

FADE TO:

INT. THE LAB - DAY

Dr. Young pats the top of the Perspex box. Unable to meet Alex’s gaze, he turns and walks away.

CUT TO:

INT. POV FROM INSIDE MEDI-BOX - DAY

Alex watches her father and the technicians prepare for their experiment. The image of them moving about the lab is distorted through the canopy. She can hear their muffled voices talking about interference patterns, particle density, and disruption field strength. Once the experiment begins, the orb starts to rotate faster and faster. The technicians step closer and peer inside at the child.

Dr. Young walks back over to the trolley and looks down at his daughter. There is a blinding flash and a pulse wave that ripples out from the orb and through the air of the room. This is immediately followed by a small explosion.

As the smoke clears, Alex frantically scans the room. The technicians are gone. The orb is partially destroyed with the charred remains of the child just discernible in the seat. Alex spots her father unconscious on the floor. Her claustrophobia kicks in as she struggles to open the canopy. In total panic, she screams.

FADE TO:

wow. It's amazing when you see it develop in the mind and I love the way to you show it and doesn't seem forced. That is a really great opening...

Thanks. This is four pages i.e. the first 4 minutes. I show what's happening through the images and body language. There's very little dialogue here, just enough to pique someone's attention. On page five I state the theme of the movie - or rather a minor character does in an insignificant line of dialogue 'can't you move any faster'. Speed and familyare the themes, hence - Relative Velocity.

The next scene is ten years later when we see that Alex is still being experimented on by her father. Nothing's changed in her life - in fact it's become more torturous, until the catalyst happens on page 12 - she is instroduced to Rob, a new young guard who asks her to help him steel her father's secrets and then by page 25 ( act two) her life is turned on its head. You character needs to step into the next act willingly and Alex has a choice of whether to leave her home and father and join the renegades - she makes that choice but doesn't really know what she's letting herself in for.

According to Save the Cat, by Blake Snyder - a book I'd recommend if you're writing a movie - you need to have 6 things in the protagonists life that need fixing and set them up in the first few pages. I'm hoping that this opening gives strong hints to her problems.

Cheers

angeriana aka Jackie

Dear Jackie,
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evocative stuff here but do we need this backstory at this stage?

The gurl in the box aspect always reminds me of “Species” and you then refer to the set similarity of Joe 90. Maybe this device could resemble laser rays that spin forming a dazzling sphere . . .

Try to get as quickly as possible into the action ~ if dad’s experiment could go wrong and it’s this that provides the opening and the girl’s new powers.

{FYI most blockbusters have their thesis stated by page 4. In the sixth sense Willis mumbles that “he just wants to help people”}

Start your scenes late and finish early and give us only what we need, not what we want. Good luck ~ JtF