Hi, Im not sure that everyone will remember the prologue, and the
other verions of Chapter one i have put on here, but I didnt want
to keep re-posting the same stuff - so I have posted my amended
version of CH.1 - infact it is a complete re-write!
Nervous much???
Chapter One
“Lacey,
there’s a seat here.” I watched as Mollie, one of my classmates,
waved frantically to attract her friend’s attention and secure
her place in one of the few remaining seats. The message was
clear. Mollie, like all the others, didn’t want the ‘weird’ girl
(“You know, the one born with no heartbeat”) sitting next to her.
That's fine; I had no interest in sitting next to any of these
girls. I sometimes let my mind wander, imagine what their
reaction would be if one day I did sit down next to them. The
look on their petty faces would be hilarious. The temptation to
do it was almost too much but like always I took the only empty
seat in the middle of the classroom.
On
all sides people moved, almost imperceptibly, angling away from
me as if my very presence was contagious. After all the years of
whispering and sometimes blatant name calling, there were still
moments when it shocked me to be so absolutely on the outside of
‘normal’ school life. I dropped my head onto my arms and watched
them from beneath my eyelashes.
And
to think, this was how they treated me based on the rumours and
hearsay - Chinese whispers they had collectively pieced together
about my birth over the years. I actually heard a rumour that I
was dead, that my heart lay dormant in my chest; a walking
corpse. My mouth twitched as I thought about it. If they knew the
truth, mum and I would probably have been run out of town. I
wanted to jump up on the desk and shout, “Hello. Guess what?! I
know exactly what you’re feeling right now; I can read
you like an open book. Really…you thought I was a freak before
but it’s true, I know every single thing you’re feeling”.
Perhaps
I could give them a taste of my mind control, make Mollie dance
for the class like a marionette dangling from my strings? I could
crush my desk into saw dust or scatter 30 textbooks to the floor
quicker than they could blink, and they wouldn’t even know I had
moved. The fact the I had a photographic memory, that I could
remember every single thing I had ever seen; combined with my
other 'talents' would make them run for the hills and never look
back.
But,
as ever, I knew I would sit through the class in silence,
pretending to be unaffected by my status as school pariah. I was
aware of the conflict within myself – it has always been there.
As I discovered my strange abilities, each one presenting itself
when I least expected it, there was always the temptation to
publicly try them out, experiment, prove to everyone around me
that I was someone to be noticed, a force to be reckoned with.
But a bigger and, I hope, better part of me shrank back from this
response. My abilities are terrifying; they have the potential to
make me feel I am untouchable or beyond the normal rules of
behaviour. In the wrong hands, they could make a monster.
I
shivered and pushed all thoughts of my abilities to the back of
my mind. They wouldn’t stay there for long, I was constantly
plagued by fear about who, or what, I was, but I only let myself
settle on these thoughts away from school when I was
alone.
Looking
around, I comforted myself with the fact that at least I had a
kindred spirit at school. Ben. We weren’t friends; in fact, we
had never even said ‘hello’ to each other but it wouldn’t take
special abilities to see that he, like me, lived his days on the
edges of school life. He was mercilessly bullied, for nothing
more I think than being a relative newcomer. I imagined us
sometimes as two lonely, shadowy figures wandering around the
outside of this big, bright circle of popularity.
The bell shrilled its familiar sound indicating the end of the
lesson. I gathered up my things and followed the others as we
piled out of my English class. Ben was a few rows behind me. I
was always aware of exactly where Ben was without having to
glance over and check. Ben was my one guilty pleasure. After
watching him for more than a year, letting my head follow as he
walked by, allowing my eyes to search the room for him before I
properly entered, I guess you could say I was a little obsessed.
The usual crowd of lads that taunted Ben were ahead. For reasons
I was unable to fathom even now, Ben was bullied at school. He
started part way through a school year and became an instant
target for the 'popular' boys to bully. This particular day was
no different. I paid little attention until I caught the backend
of a comment; “Watch this,” a lanky boy with bad acne sniggered.
My head lifted in their direction, my eyes narrowing.
I turned and glanced back at Ben; I knew the direction this boy's
thoughts were heading. Ben was unaware of the assault that was
about to be launched on him as he was holding the door open for a
teacher as she stumbled by holding a stack of books. Something
jolted inside me. How dare they pick on him? He was a genuine,
warm hearted person; he was – is - completely selfless. His mouth
was pulled into a warm smile as the teacher thanked him for his
help. My mouth burned and my stomach flared. I whipped my head
back round just as the boy ran at Ben.
Without thinking, I stepped out and blocked his path. My hands
ached to hit him but instead I glared into his eyes. The boy
crashed into me, grunting as his body slammed against mine. I
felt nothing. He fell to the floor, winded, gasping for breath
and trembling but unable to move. I stared down at him, anger
almost tipping me over the edge. The boys from his group all
stared at me with wide eyes; I'm not sure what my expression was
like but if it was anything like I was feeling inside, it must
have been terrifying. I turned back once more, looking at Ben who
was staring at me in awe, his green eyes locked on to mine. My
heart quickened and my breathing sped. With all the willpower I
could muster, I snapped my eyes away and stepped over the boy I
had just pinned to the floor.
The group of boys split so I could pass through, all of them wore
the same shocked expressions. I walked out of school without
looking back. I couldn't believe how stupid I had just been. This
was extremely new territory for me and I was more than a little
shaken. After that, I promised myself I would stay away from
Ben.
I glared up at the sky, taking in a deep breath. Rain had just
begun to fall and I let it drop on to my face as I tried to calm
myself. When my heart beat had slowed, and my breathing calmed I
pulled my hood up over my head and turned the volume up full on
my MP3 Player. I sighed heavily and kicked a stone far too hard;
it shattered into small pieces. Great, I was definitely losing
control. This was exactly why it was dangerous for me to get
involved. I knew the consequences of my actions, yet I took
pleasure from seeing that bully suffer.
