The Word Cloud

Footing the Bill - 250word Flash


Having only one foot wasn’t the reason I was late. I can walk well enough. Only a fellow amputee would notice.

Spotting Janice Wilson in the cafe’s corner booth, I limped over. “Hiya.”

“David,” she said without looking down.

We were joined at the hip... before I bottled it, and University. I ran away to chase the oil money. We rattled through the; who’s married, had kids, got divorced stuff.

“You do research now?” I asked. My research had revealed a BMW, a flat and no boyfriend.

“Yes, I’m working with one of my old Profs. You?”

My threadbare duffle-coat shone. “I’m reviewing a few offers.”

When her smile wavered, I played my Ace.

My lost-foot story depended on the listener. A Taliban ambush or an I.E.D. Both complete bollocks. I was vodka unconscious when the Aberdeen taxi ran over me. Janice got the I.E.D. fiction, our mums still meet.

When she stood, I did too, with a wobble.

“Janice. You fancy em... doing something?”

Her smile returned, wrapped in a little shake of the head.

“When you left, David, I slept with your old trainers and waited and cried and waited.” Janice lifted her bag. “You’re still good.”

She left me there with my broken scheme... and a pamphlet; Pathological Liars: A Study by Dr Janice Wilson PHD.

My gloom lifted when I spotted a well dressed blonde sitting alone. Taking out my trusty red poppy, I pinned it on and hobbled over. “Is this seat free?”

Nice little story! It made me laugh in a kind of slightly morbid way.

I.E.D. - an Improvised Explosive Device - techno name for a booby-trap.

I was trying to suggest his mum got the I.E.D. fiction too.

Thanks Eleanor.

Hey, you must think mums are pretty stupid, biker! I'm pretty sure the average mum would know the difference between her son losing his foot to an explosion in Afghanistan, and during a drunken accident in Aberdeen!! The locations where he was at the time, the place where he was hospitalised, the timescales involved, etc, would all be a bit of a giveaway.

Had a Talented Mr Ripley vibe that is always interesting to read. Am I having a blonde moment or do you mean that his mum believes it was an IED too? Probably not, I'm a bit knackered, but good stuff, I like the fact that something so short can still spark interest and make you keep thinking about it afterwards :)

All that aside, it was a good read :-)

I like the dark humour in this.

He really is a pathological liar - mixed in with a sinister psychopath side which really makes him an evil man rather than a loveable rogue - you've given him a black edge which is not just difficult to forgive, but impossible for him to give a shit about! It's only short, but you've got his character across brilliantly and that's what makes this story for me.

Noodledoodle - are you and - MinxieAD - one and the same person ? You both look out at me like you know what's going on - a bit scary.

EleanorW - mums are stupid because they are mums.

Give me a mum whose son has gone missing - deep trauma - mum style - the son returns minus a foot - what is she going to believe ?

Had a Talented Mr Ripley vibe that is always interesting to read. Am I having a blonde moment or do you mean that his mum believes it was an IED too? Probably not, I'm a bit knackered, but good stuff, I like the fact that something so short can still spark interest and make you keep thinking about it afterwards :)

Hi Kaz - the mum believes what her son tells her - he's been away ???

Oi - mums are not stupid mate! I would say you need to somehow indicate that he'd convinced his mum he was away - wouldn's know he wasn't in the army/charity worker/jounralist in Afganistan as all of which would involve a long term commitment and substantial photographic back up - which could be fabricated but that's getting compliacted.
Or more simply, remove the mum connection - Janice could have known him at University a long way from home and he could have begun his lies here and already created a new persona, so she might not even have been aware of his real name (or got a hint when she found it out) - for me that is a believable start to his lying as many people do move a long way from home then and use it as an excuse to re-invent themselves. If she dosn't know his mum, then problem erased - it's a tiny point but one that is clearly snaging in an otherwise excellent flash.
My only other gripe - threadbare duffle coat shone?? Shone sounds all new and fancy - if you mean 'stood out' and so gave something away - you might think about a different phrase 'spoke volumes'?

I read this and ended up feeling disgusted with the MC because he of his willingness to abuse the reality of military life to cover his own shortcomings...which is an indicator of how well this was written.

Your comment BJ about mums being stupid will apply - but only if this particular mother believes the IED story. A mum might WANT to believe what her son tells her, but from experience (and after only 10 years with my own), most mums will KNOW when they're being told a fast one. In your story, this mum IS stupid...because she is complicit in allowing her son to continue to exist in his world of make-believe. The only person who sees right through the MC is Janice...

An awful lot packed into this piece...good job.

I read it completely differently to the last few comments.

Mother's have a huge influence on their offsprings personalities, so I took it that his mother would have believed anything he told her - thus accounting for who he is as an adult. I assmed everyone around him/her, who knew them, would of course know that he'd fed her lies but, as usual, she believed every word of it. Another thing with pathological liars is they don't like being disbelieved, so his mum has probably been conditioned to go with the flow so to speak.

Blinkers - a better and more accurate word ?

Mothers, and fathers, choose not to 'see' the reality of their children - the disappointment ??

Not in all cases but I meet it on a daily basis.

Tenacity - might just remove the 'mum' reference

Thanks to all.