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  You're probably a rather specific brand of nerd if you find this funny but...
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  Can I write Humour?
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  Spacers, Chancers and Geeks
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  Just joined...Question
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  ANGELA’S FIRST DAY
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6 Photos

35 Member

5 Wall Posts

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  by Tosh 2 years ago

  Hello everyone this the first group i've joined and i'm gonna jump in head first with a balls to the wall approach! I have been tinkering around with a short story for adults that needs illustrations. It's called.. Now wait for it! "The global adventures of Johnny Jizzmop". It's about an old peep show mop used for the unenviable task of 'cleaning up'after shows, that has been discarded (thrown out the back door into a seedy Soho back alley) and is replaced by a new oober trendy VILEDA super mop. He then goes off in search of, with his new friend Catherine the old French bike, alternative employment. This takes him to such places as Amsterdam, Bangkok etc etc... Smutty I know but thats the point.. Any artists out there feel free to art' or whatever it is you do? Thankyou
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  by John Duffus 2 years ago

  What Is A Goit?
  
  For what is a Goit if it be not black?
  A Goit is a Goit and that is that
  As black as a crow, as black as a cat
  A Goit is an enchanted artifact
  
  A Goit may be skinny, a Goit may be fat
  It may raise itself up or squash itself flat
  Sometimes bareheaded, more oft in a hat
  Its hair is well-beaded and fashioned in plats
  
  Should ever a Goit of differing hue
  Appear at your table from out of the blue
  Its aspect ill-favoured, unpleasant to view
  Then bid it farewell, god's speed & adieu!
  
  A Goit is tumescent, effulgent & bold
  A Goit is indulgent and flatters the soul
  A Goit is a warbler, a weaver of tales
  A Goit often wanders in weary travail
  
  A Goit is a needle, a Goit is a saw
  A Goit is a blade that cleaves bodies in twa
  A Goit offers comfort and welcome relief
  A Goit brings sweet slumber, solace & peace
  
  But lo! hear the thunder, a Goit is enrag'd
  It lumbers ungainly from out of a cave
  Its cognitive process but dimly engaged
  'Gainst rascal & scoundrel it rants and it raves
  
  A scruple of Goit with some fresh orange peel
  If taken at supper will cure all your ills
  Two grams of Goit with some freshly milled pepper
  Will improveth the blood and maketh ye better
  
  A tincture of Goit subtle rendered in spirit
  With consummate care you must slowly distill it
  Reduce in a cauldron, be mindful to stir it
  Now wonderfully focussed, this Goit has no limit
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  by Weens 2 years ago

  I have to be truthful and say that this was sent to me, but I thought I would share it with you and give you a smile.
  
  Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:
  
  Dear Mrs. Murray,
  
  While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
  Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
  
  1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
  
  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
  
  3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
  
  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
  
  5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
  
  6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
  
  7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
  
  8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
  
  9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
  
  10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.
  
  11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.
  
  12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
  
  13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'
  
  And; last, but not least:
  
  14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
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  by PhilipLeeMoore 2 years ago

  For those of you who love tongue in cheek humour I brought out a book called Utterly Ridiculous a couple of years ago, it's still doing well and people seem to love it , so you may enjoy it, Phil
  www.philiplmoore.com
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  by Pride.James 2 years ago

  I have created a group for humour writers and/or artists