Latest Activity

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    Kate
    "Kate" commented on Gerry's Blog "Round Two".
    My immediate reaction was that I preferred version 1. That one I would have turned the page immediately, but this one I'm not so sure about. After a second read though I'm starting to see things in here that I really like. The image of the echo ...
    4 mins ago
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    Gerry
    "Gerry" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    Oh, hang on - we've got to include Barb's: 'Mike's Guide To Getting Murdered'. I think I'd buy that book regardless of its content.
    7 mins ago
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    Kate
    "Kate" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    I'm still voting for Less Dead than you Might Expect
    27 mins ago
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    AlanP
    AlanP commented on Monica Handle's wall:
    Subtle and confusing comp entry, but I reckon that was the object. :)
    38 mins ago
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    Newbie
    "Newbie" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    Have to agree with what people are saying about the alternative opening. It still made me smile but I prefer the original, FWIW.
    1 hour ago
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    Newbie
    "Newbie" commented on Hilly's Blog "Andalucian Life. The next stage.".
    Such beautiful descriptions, Hilly. I was with you both ever step of the way and could see the vista, I even inhaled to take in the aroma of wild thyme and broom. I have a lovely broom in my garden and the scent is heavenly. It's finished flowering ...
    1 hour ago
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    OFP
    OFP ...Mayfair London. @ Fuzzy's cafe. Turkish coffee. Danish bacon on German bread with New Zealand butter. Did I ever tell You lot about the Siren of Soho? I was minding my own own business and reading the Financial Times when she rocked up. She was, in several words, one of those metaphorical waterfalls that sweep men away when they loose their anchor points. She stood perfectly still as she contemplated the menu board and I surveyed her, looking unsuccessfully, for flaws. AJ, not being a man who did not challenge fate, turned to her and said, "..."
    1 hour ago
    • Newbie
      ×
      Newbie I wish you'd stop doing that, Prop... ;-)
      1 hour ago
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    Catasshe
    "Catasshe" commented on Gerry's Blog "Round Two".
    PS. You CAN have your cake and eat it. Or, your humour and your immediacy/emotional involvement, I say.
    1 hour ago
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    Catasshe
    "Catasshe" commented on Gerry's Blog "Round Two".
    I also prefer the original version. BUT, I do think that as it continues, this passage benefits from greater detail - especially around the brother's appearance. Perhaps you could add some of this into the original? All in all, this is a good piece, ...
    1 hour ago
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    RichardB
    "RichardB" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    To add to what Barb said above, I happen to know that one of the agents you had one-to-ones with was one I also saw (because you were getting up as I arrived, quaking in my shoes). And said agent didn't much like mine, either. For example, he said ...
    1 hour ago
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    Monica Handle
    Monica Handle commented on Barb's wall:
    A very nice vignette. I was slightly thrown by the 'visions' at the start - couldn't see how it fitted with the rest of the piece - but having gone back to re-read I see it's an extract from something longer, so it presumably links back or ahead to ...
    2 hours ago
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    Squidge
    Squidge Hoping no cloudies have been affected by the attack in Manchester...
    2 hours ago
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    Hil
    "Hil" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    I would like to reassign my vote to the recent suggestions: 'Less Dead' or 'Wife after Death' (with the same proviso as Jenni).
    3 hours ago
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    Jenni Belsay
    "Jenni Belsay" commented on Gerry's Blog "Round Two".
    I like this too - especially the para where duplicate Cheryl reforms. Mike's reaction to the gun still not visceral enough for me, however. Overall I prefer the funnier version - especially his taunting (rather than mournful) expression at the ...
    4 hours ago
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    Jenni Belsay
    "Jenni Belsay" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    Gerry, I've read your alternative version (and will comment there on that). I wonder, though, if it's wise to doctor the humour only in ch1? Doesn't the reader need to know from the start what kind of story they are reading? The humour in this ...
    4 hours ago
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    Barb
    "Barb" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    Wait a sec - back up the bus here. An agent or two have said that it doesn't work for them. Fair enough. But a room full of readers (avid readers) voted it joint winner and Debi, who is one of the best people to assess a story, has told you it ...
    7 hours ago
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    stephenterry
    "stephenterry" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    When Cheryl Murdered Mike - is really what it's all about, a see-saw relationship, the main characters and the scenario all in a title. Prospective customers know exactly what they're getting into, don't they? Others are obtuse, clever, or similar ...
    7 hours ago
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    stephenterry
    "stephenterry" commented on Gerry's Blog "Round Two".
    Now just read the original, and it's streets ahead of this watered down, insipid version. My suggestion is to bin this and revert back to your original opening, which is great.
    7 hours ago
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    stephenterry
    "stephenterry" commented on Gerry's Blog "Round Two".
    Hi Gerry - first of all, I think you should write the story you want to write, and if that includes black humour so be it. and there's plenty of readers that enjoy it. This revised version doesn't work for me, because the intro is too long in the ...
    8 hours ago
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    Sheba Mattei
    Sheba Mattei has accepted JB's friend request.
    9 hours ago
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    Barb
    "Barb" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    Mike's Guide to Getting Murdered.
    9 hours ago
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    BellaM
    "BellaM" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    In a rush right now and will try to come back to this but I was spitting feathers at York when your performance drew bad comments, and am still now. Your voice and style is great. And why the eff should you not have lived your piece? Off to extract ...
    11 hours ago
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    Barny
    "Barny" commented on Gerry's Blog "Round Two".
    Err, I prefer the original version, but as per my suggestion of barely a minute or two ago, start at "Head.". Just saying. Yes once he's dead there's time for him to crack a joke or two, to contemplate, compare, cackle. But not before. Good work. ...
    11 hours ago
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    Barny
    "Barny" commented on Gerry's Blog "On Titles, Tone and Tomfoolery".
    Speaking only as a reader, the minor problem I find with what you shared is that while it's great to imagine a character having the sang-froid to cool-ly crack jokes and reflect on why his wife married him when she is pointing a gun is pointing at ...
    11 hours ago
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    Daedalus
    Daedalus commented on Monica Handle's wall:
    Thoughtful and subtle comp entry Monica. Slow sinking feeling. The one-sided telephone conversation is highly effective, I may have to steal that idea
    12 hours ago

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