The Word Cloud

Two excellent features on the Cloud today. First:

Wrathnar's Letter to Agents
is fab. If you haven't read it, read it. If you're about to write to agents, then cut & paste the whole thing. And if you don't, you're probably GAY.

Emma & Debi's Prose Intensive
Our very own dynamic duo are currently conducting a prose probe on a willing victim here. It's well worth popping over to see how those guys work - and indeed how intensive self-editing can alter and improve a piece of work.

If you want the same laser eyes turned on your own work then, my friends, that's entirely possible. Just sign up to D&E's self-editing course and prepare for your brain to be fried. Indeed, do you remember the drink called the Pangalactic Gargleblaster, from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Drinking the PgGb was like having your brain crushed by a gold brick with a slice of lemon wrapped around it. Debi & Emma's course is exactly like that, only without the lemon. And some people apparently live. And even enjoy it, or so I've heard ... What I do know, is that this is probably the best, most inspiring and most grown-up writing course available online. It comes strongly recommended.

The Winner of our Joke Competition has only recently been subjected to a rather in-depth 'probe' from the gorgeous Debi & Emma. It has left his work in a near perfect state but unfortunately he is still quaking in a corner and not up to another session with them!

With the blessing of Guero Davilo the Cloud is passing the prize to the next best joke...so the new winner is Steve for his tattoist joke:
Bernard goes into a tattooist’s.
“I’d like you to tattoo my girlfriend’s name on my penis. Can you do that?”
“I can,” says the tattooist. “But it’s very painful. I’ll have to give you an anaesthetic. What’s your girlfriend’s name?”
“She’s called Wendy.”
So the tattooist does his stuff, but when Bernard comes round all he can see is a ‘W’ and a ‘Y’ on his cock.
“Don’t worry,” says the tattooist. “When you get an erection, your girlfriend’s name will be there in full. If you like, go into the toilets in the back and check it out.”
So Bernard goes into the toilets, does what he has to do, and there is his girlfriend’s name in all its glory. He’s very pleased. But just then another chap walks into the toilet and he’s got ‘W’ and ‘Y’ on his cock as well.
“Is your girlfriend’s name Wendy?” Bernard asks.
“Naaaah, mine say Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day.”

Brace yourself Steve - Debi & Emma will be heading your way!

Thanks for all your variously silly, cheeky and witty entries for the joke competition. After much guffawing and chuckling the office has decided that the joke from Guero Davila was the one that tickled us the most!

 So Guero, you now have the absolute pleasure of a Prose Probe from our fab duo Debi & Emma.

Special mention goes to Steve for his Tattoist joke and Barb for her Four Fonts... we really did like them all.
For all those who weren't so lucky don't despair, Emma and Debi's fabulous self-editing course is still bookable, still has space enough for you and still stars the gorgeous gals themselves  just pop along to their super-fandabulous SELF-EDITING course

Hello all, we just created a blog and forgot to make it public. So no one saw it. Which is terrible - and extra terrible, because the blog was about a FAB competition which could give YOU the chance to have EMMA Darwin AND DEBI Alper as your literary slaves for one entire, blissful afternoon. If you're keen to enter - read on.

Meantime, if you want the FAB DUO as your literary slaves for an entire 6 weeks - then you can. All you need to do is book up for their super-fandabulous SELF-EDITING course which is run right here on the Cloud - and which gets the most extraordinarily positive feedback from participants. So read the blog, enter the comp, but most of all don't forget to book your place. The course starts on 25 Feb, runs for 6 weeks, and is ridiculously underpriced at just 295 of your English pounds. The experience could truly change your life. Anyway: here's the comp:

You all know about lovely John Taylor's brilliant success. So thrilled as thrilled can be are we that we want to sprinkle some more of that WW support and editing dust.

So we've called on our prose-magicians, Emma & Debi, to wield their editing wands - in full view - on the Word Cloud. Yes, that's right - they've agreed to do a one-off, fine-toothed-comb Prose Microscope job for one lucky Cloudie, on the Cloud, to be visible to ALL.

Great idea! But then we thought... how do we pick someone...? We love you all as our own. We have no favourites. Hmmm... this is tricky...

Thursday afternoon... January... We need more smiles! So send us a silly joke to be in with a chance of winning! The joke that makes the WW office laugh the most will secure the prize. We need all entries to be with us by Monday morn. Please send your funnies to  - info@writersworkshop address.

The winner will be announced on Monday afternoon.

Come on Cloudies - we need your jokes!! And don't forget to book for the course of courses.

The Writers' Workshop Office

You all know about lovely John Taylor's brilliant success. So thrilled as thrilled can be are we that we want to sprinkle some more of that WW support and editing dust.

So we've called on our prose-magicians, Emma & Debi, to wield their editing wands - in full view - on the Word Cloud. Yes, that's right - they've agreed to do a one-off, fine-toothed-comb Prose Microscope job for one lucky Cloudie, on the Cloud, to be visible to ALL.

Great idea! But then we thought... how do we pick someone...? We love you all as our own. We have no favourites. Hmmm... this is tricky...

Thursday afternoon... January... We need more smiles! So send us a silly joke to be in with a chance of winning! The joke that makes the WW office laugh the most will secure the prize. We need all entries to be with us by Monday morn. Please send your funnies to  - info@writersworkshop address.

The winner will be announced on Monday afternoon.

Come on Cloudies - we need your jokes!!

The Writers' Workshop Office

John Onceupon! I got this from Juliet Mushens, an agent at PFD, just a few moments ago:

Hi Harry,

I’ve just met John, what a nice guy! I’ve decided to sign him and am looking forward to working with him on ‘The Blackbird Effect’ so thanks so much for sending it my way!

Juliet

What can one say? Fandabadabadozy is my first effort, but I'm sure I'll get more eloquent as the beers start to flow.

Another year done and gone, descending below the horizon in a brandy-scented, fairylit glow of slightly befuddled good cheer and good intentions. Some thoughts before I go to get my elf costume on:

It's been tough
It's been an awful year economically. We've noticed that at the WW: there are simply fewer people with the disposable cash to spend on manuscript appraisals and the like. You don't need to be hard up to feel the pinch these days. You just need to be normal.

You lot are fab
But lousy economy or no, you lot are still incredibly serious about and committed to your writing. That's just the way you ought to be. It's where good art comes from - and I'm including good genre art every bit as much as good posh art. It's all the same thing really; you just get better shootouts in the genre stuff.

Good writing gets its reward
I have never yet seen a really, really good book turned down by agents. Turned down by a few, yes - that can happen easily. But if a book is truly good enough, it will find an audience. The only slight modifier there is that the book needs to understand today's market as well as being good in the abstract. Given that we're all trying to get into the publishing business, I don't think we can complain about having to be a little businesslike.

You lot are fab (2)
And blimey!, have we had a good year on the succcesses front? It's been deal after deal, agent after agent. That's testiment to you guys: real writers, taking your passion seriously. I think the WW has the best clients in the industry. I think the Cloud is the best writing community around. That's not us; it's you.

We really do make a difference
I also, however, want to give everyone at the WW a pat on the back. It would be easy to do what we do, take money for it, do an honest job and leave it there. And we don't do that. There's always a sense of pushing a bit harder, doing a little bit more. One story is illustrative.

One writer, who had a couple of regular critiques from us, came to us with a story that he wanted to have properly copy-edited prior to self-publication. We gave it to our copyeditor (who is also a novelist) and she said the story was just too good not to find a commercial outlet. So she told us at the office. We nuzzled around, found an agent, sent him the story - and he loved it. He thought it didn't work for the market in its current form and suggested a different approach altogether. Maybe the writer concerned will go with those ideas - or maybe not. It's his call. But at least he has a realistic choice and one that he had not originally comtemplated having. And all this extra stuff was free: the client paid for copyediting at the normal rates but not a bean more. We never charge for finding agents.

The best thing about this story is that the momentum to push harder came not from me or the client but from everyone else. The copyeditor loved the MS and urged us to read it. In the office, I had commercial reservations about the MS, because I couldn't see it having a market niche. (The agent agreed with me, hence his suggestion of a new approach.) But Laura and Nikki simply ganged up on me and insisted that we were here to push quality writing. And they were right. So I did what I could - and got lucky. But it was the passion and commitment of the copyeditor, Laura, Nikki and (finally) me that made this all happen.

Elf costumes & naughty jokes
I'll sign off by advertising two things. One, Laura's invitation to poke around our new website searching for a Christmas elf. If you find it, just email info@writersworkshop.co.uk to let us know. We'll pick a winner from the hat when we get back in the New Year, and offer a free Quick Review (worth £95) to that lucky so-and-so. Three runners up will get some kind of lucky dip prize. You can see the elf dancing here.

And the naughty joke? It's from one of our client's websites. The client is Mitch Feierstein. His book - sold July 2011, out Feb 2012 - is Planet Ponzi. The joke is here.

Well? You like? You no like?

We'll experiment a little over the next day or two with some slightly modified colour arrangements, but the broad outlines of the change should by now be (very!) clear. Do also play around with the tabs at the top of your screen (ie: the bit in raspberry) as we've been putting a lot of attention into overhauling the main WW site too.

We'll be in 'beta' for a while - sorting out any glitches, checking for dead links, etc - but you can definitely see what we've been up to ...

Hello all

Just to let you know we have pressed the so-called 'Eden Button' ... which is going to transform the entire Writers' Workshop site from its current (slightly fusty, slightly clunky) look and feel into something sleek, usable and modern.

The entire site will be easier to use, more fun, and more inviting.

At the same time, the Word Cloud is changing its clothes too. It's chucking out its gentleman's red and pale blue. In comes a dark navy, bright raspberry and white. Over the next 24-48 hours, you may notice a few quick wardrobe changes as we figure out what looks best - but there will be no change at all in functionality, data or anything else. All the buttons that you're used to will appear in the same places and be called the same things.

So, hold your hats on and tighten those tiaras. The Big Change is happening any moment now. I hope you're excited, cos I bloomin' am!

Had the huge privilege yesterday of getting a climbing masterclass from a chap called Johnny Dawes. If you're a climber and you are over 35, then you already know who he is. He's the man who gave Britain the first ever E8 and E9. He's the man who climbed Indian Face.

If that doesn't mean anything to you and you're half-bored already, then watch this video of Johnny climbing in his prime.

The climb in the video is very hard - and has seen, I think, just one proper repeat ascent - but it's not dangerous, or at least not dangerous by JD's standards. Indian Face, his masterpiece, was right at the outermost edge of technical difficulty for the era, was very sustained, and for much of the vertical distance a fall would have been, quite likely, lethal.

Indeed, even for Dawes, the mental aspect of the route proved daunting. Halfway up, there is a ledge two inches deep and four inches long. Dawes rested half an hour on that ledge psyching himself to continue. He found the right headspace to proceed and carried on. He was 22 at the time, and the climb has had (I think) only two repeat ascents in a quarter of a century, even though standards have generally leaped in that time.

Like I say, it was a privilege.