A housewife's lament.
A Housewife's Lament by Andrew Williams
Marie stood two steps away from the hallway door, her mind
raced. Was today the day? Yes. It has to be, I've been a
doormat for too long. Deep breaths, girl. Deep breaths. Marie
pushed it open and entered the room, her husband Christopher
was sitting on his chair, watching football on the television.
She coughed to draw his attention, "Chris, can you listen to me for a minute please? There's something I need to say." she said, as she stared towards the lump that was her husband. Nodding that he understood, Christopher picked up the television remote and pushed the mute button. His gaze remained transfixed to the television set.
With a silent gulp to bolster her courage, Marie began: "There's no easy way to say this. . . I'm sick of how you're always treating me like I'm nothing, worthless, as if I don't have feelings of my own. It's always about you, you, you. . . I give you everything! I've got nothing, all my time has been spent making sure you're OK. Doing all your cooking, cleaning, working full-time while you sit at home all day and only work weekends.
I know about the money & that girl you're sleeping with. How do you think that makes me feel; knowing that my husband was playing around with some girl half my age in the bedsheets which I cleaned & changed? You make me so mad, the money too. That was the money MY parents left us; we agreed it'd be spent on the kitchen and a few holidays. But you took that too, you always take everything from me.
After everything you said about fixing your gambling problem, you somehow manage to blow almost one-hundred-thousand-pound in a month.
With nothing to show for it but my disgust," Christopher nodded his acknowledgement.
Marie's eyes watered, but she persisted: "Don't even bother wasting your time by denying any of it. Bianca & Beatrice saw you at the casino, they noticed how you were acting with that girl so they followed you to the bedsit where you spent the night with her. . . last week, you know, when you told me you were on a training course in Scotland?
You've drained every ounce of life out of me, it took so much courage for me to do this. . . but Chris, I'm leaving you."
A silence followed, one that lasted only twenty seconds but managed to multiply all the weight on Marie's already-heavily laden shoulders ten-fold.
Christopher placed his left hand on his forehead and sighed, "That wasn't off-side." he said.
"What?" said Marie.
"Robertson wasn't off-side," said Christopher.
"You've not been listening at all, have you?" said Marie.
"Sorry, what'd you say?" he said.
"Never mind, your tea'll be ready soon." she said as she left the room. Christopher picked up the remote and unmuted the television.
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He wasn't listening to a word she said, so after bringing herself to actually stand up for herself, she simply slipped back into the doormat role she's accustomed to - not sure if this is going to be a full story or just a snippet of human nature, but think you've captured it well - It made me feel sad for her on one hand, but also made me want to slap her to stop her wasting her life... I think if she's strong enough to speak up, even if it does fall on deaf ears, she's strong enough to leave - hope you write more and she finds a happier life for herself... Great writing for a 35 minute job with no editing - really felt like I was in her shoes - love reading your stuff - it's so varied and always interesting :]
Thank you for being possibly the loveliest person on The Cloud.
Thanks though :) I appreciate the feedback. . . I didn't mean my previous comment to sound bitchy or anything
That's the second time I've told someone one of my characters wasn't real xD
And thanks again Weens, I didn't think you were, I thought you thought I was. This is getting confusing :)
If anyone does read and appreciate anything I've written, I'd love for them to post a comment letting me know. Feedback's worth more than any amount of money to me xD
Edit: That's odd, my previous post didn't show up. . .
Don't think I could write as well as that in 35 minutes, so it is well captured. Not sure she would have been able to add the clever stuff like disdain. Also it might be stronger to say 'as if I don't have feelings or emotions,' and end it without my own. But others might not agree. Now, why did that come into mind? And what next?............
Yeah, Tony, the dialogue she used was an issue I had to address. I just used words I felt comfortable with, which was a bad idea seeing as I should have used words SHE would have been comfortable with.
Thanks :)
Maybe one day. . . maybe ;)
I'm writing something now, it should be up in a few days. Entitled 'Hostile Entity', not really sure if I could describe it without giving too much away xD
The first sentences, switch from third person to first, now this may be some super smart method of writing but to me it would just seem easier for you to stick with one POV.
And instead of: "She coughed to draw his attention, "Chris, can you listen to me for a minute please? There's something I need to say." she said, as she stared towards the lump that was her husband." you could say:
She coughed to drag his attention away from the television screen. "Chris would you listen to me for a minute please, it's important." She watched as her lump of a husband reluctantly muted the screen but didn't look her way as she continued. "There's something I need to say."
I really liked the fact that it's a simple enough theme but it made me really sad :( to think of all the partners who are trapped and unhappy. The fact that she returns to her housewife role is a good ending, but you're lucky because as now you know that people would perhaps like a little rat poison thrown into the mix ;) you could play around with that. Or perhaps a more creative and symbolic way of getting revenge, like shoving a flag of Scotland down his throat ;)
Welldone and keep writing xxxxxx
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