The Word Cloud

Destroying Love, by Andrew Williams(zomb00)

There was a time we were inseparable;
Our friends often referred to us as
‘the married couple’,
for a year and a half you were
the first thought in my head when I woke,
the last as I fell asleep,
and the ever-present queen of my dreams.

But you ended it
I blamed myself, thought it was
my fault, like I was somehow to blame:
unaware of your affair,
how the horns atop my head weren’t there
as a result of me playing the devil,
but you playing the field.

I was foolish and naive,
but I was seventeen:
what do you expect?
With hindsight the signs were obvious,
the half-truths and guilty glances,
it was him you were hiding from me.

You left me for him,
while I moved on to my next ex
and I’m not even sure why.
I guess co-dependency is just
a hard habit to shake.

I dedicated my time in this
new relationship to
‘being the best boyfriend’
I could possibly be, and
for the first few months it worked,
I was making her happy, even
if, guiltily, I was still mourning the loss
of you.

Six months passed and the arguments started,
he offered you a
shoulder to cry on
then a bed to lie on
you accepted both, and
I don’t blame you. I’d have
left me, too.

Months passed and my map
of sexual territory had been
increased by other hurtful girls I’d
explored. Seduced to satiate
my need to copulate, they didn’t mind
at the time, but when it became
too serious and I was forced to
say ‘good bye’, they panicked -
I’d hurt them.

I discovered I’d destroyed love
through meaningless fucking,
physically touching without
touching, I want out,
I want the old me . . . But
I’m afraid.

Not of being cheated on, or
being left to play forgotten pet
but scared of being
a bad boyfriend, I
don’t want to hurt anyone else,
you’re better off alone