Another blog about sex writing.
Blog insired by a few thoughts from the cloud.
Writing about sex is a thorny issue. Even talking about it can be, especialy in front of the vicar. My husband can't read the scenes I write of an adult nature, because he says he fears it would give him an inite into my psyce he might not want. Something might re-surface at a important moment, and bother him. He also slightly feels that I am mentaly cheating on him, if it's not about him, even though I explain neither is the female involved me ( I have yet to write a gay male love scene.) He knows this is wrong, but, like I say, it's an imotive issue. Maybe he's also terrfied that it won't be an aspect of me he recognises, but an aspect of him.
So often lumped in with violence in causing a censer reach for his pen or the reader to skim rapidly past - so hard to handle. Much of it is cringe worthy at best, laughable at worse. I am note sure if I have read anything I have found truly offensive in content, but I have often questioned the validity of it’s inclusion. Odd really, seeing as much of the road to publication involves removing prose like a demented woodpecker, sometimes one dreads to think what was in the original.
In most books, unless the sex is especially relevant to the plot, I would always go for the less, or indeed none, is more approach – along the lines of ‘They made love all night and slept until morning.’ That says it all really, who needs more? Who needs blow by blow stuff, if the point is not what they do, but that they do it together?
Almost the same approach for me, is preferred if the type of sex engaged in is especially unpleasant or violent. It’s a real toughie – if one writes about sexual monsters, does one really want to dwell overly on the manner of their monstrosity? There is, I regret to say, a ‘trade’ in sex offenders wings of prisons, in the ‘misery lit’ genre, where heartrending tales of abuse are read for titillation. An author always has to be aware of this danger – and as, with so many films, what truly shocks it not the act, but the aftermath – and although there probably needs to be some nuts and blots description, it’s such a thin line between narrative and prurience. So much more power in one deadly sentence, than three paragraphs which are barely readable.
Of course, some books need sex, like some Sunday afternoons when the kids are out; and then you’ve just got to get it right. My only musings on this are very personal – I detest metaphor and slimily at these times – that entire ‘blossoming flower, tumescent member’ type rubbish, not for me at all. Crashing waves, rising ecstasy, trembling hands – really, that will make me skim read far quicker than three good expletives. Let’s call a spade a spade shall we, and remember, this sometimes is the nearest we come to animals, and is glorious because of that.
Everyone’s experience is so different, yet ultimately the same, getting it right is hard. Writing which makes you feel like you are seeing real people in a physical exchange, is skilful; and the skill, as ever, comes in understanding why it scene is there, and making it work for you as much as a car chase. Always, always, always – if in doubt, leave it out. If it’s for your own pleasure…that’s fine, but don’t expect me to read it, I got my own thanks!
And should it be erotic? Sure it should, if it’s meant to be, just like a comedy scene should make you laugh, and a murder should make you gasp. And ultimately, they key to that, as with all good writing, must be to make sure that your characters are real, and that your reader is in their heads, swept along for the ride. However, erm, you do it?
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33 Comments
Anyway, risky business. May I refer you all to:
http://www.literaryreview.co.uk/badsex.html
At least I hope it's all mythological.
I really don't think that the stockings metaphor should be explored chaps. We are in a pre watershed timeslot here. Let us simply imagine.
ps...not wearing any socks today!
Fortunately, modern commercial women's fiction writers, like Adele Parks for example, tend to strike a good balance between calling a spade a spade, but leaving enough to the imagination that it caters for a wide, erm, taste?
Writing a realistically physical and vocal sex scene, which is also erotic to the reader is difficult due to the nature of the beast and the dialogue will always look cheesy unless the mood is set appropriately.
But on the subject - It is tricky. Really I don't much do it. Write about it, that is. Actually... no, let's not go there. I think it should be in the mind. I think the door should close and either the involved couple are in raptures later that day (or the next), they are having trouble walking or he is humiliated and she is understanding, or other variants to suit. I think the actual event is entirely personal and I can't find any way to express it sensibly. I put up a link to the Bad Sex Awards and I recommend that anyone contemplating writing a graphic sex scene should read the short list, ten extracts are available. Buttock clenchingly bad stuff.
I put up one of my short stories as a blog on this subject some long time ago, which epitomises my approach, oddly - or just odd.
http://writing-community.writersworkshop.co.uk/magazine/read/i-dont-do-sex_973.html
One does wonder that a good editor might have flagged up sex writing that bad! I can recall dear old Alan Titchmarsh, writing how his two characters fell into bed together in the heat of passion, and 'a full five minuets later.' Were lying back satisfied. One feels this does not bode well for Mrs Titchmarsh.
Mac you weren't going to get away with that one! This has inspired me tfx - I might try to write a sex scene, but I would have to close my eyes and see what appears on the page when I have finished cringeing!! ;-)
I think a lot of sex scenes aren't necessary to the plot, so if included should be well written at least. It's so much easier writing about someone being murdered? I wonder why that is? Maybe we shy away from it in case we get it all wrong? I've never actually written one so am not sure if it would sound stupid rather than sexy?
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