Assisted Dying and Sir Terry Pratchett
It has taken over a week to write my latest blog post. The reasons
are many, but pain and heartache is probably the most
prominent.
It's a very personal blog and one I wasn't sure that I should write in the first place. I'm waffling; it's nerves.
If you get chance i'd be really grateful if you would have a read and let me know what you think, and your feelings on the subject.
http://persistentwriter.wordpress.com
I have never written about something so personal and i'm a little nervous about putting it out into the world, i'm quite a private person.
I look forward to hearing what you guys think. You always have honest, intelligent opinions.
Warm regards
Ki xx
It's a very personal blog and one I wasn't sure that I should write in the first place. I'm waffling; it's nerves.
If you get chance i'd be really grateful if you would have a read and let me know what you think, and your feelings on the subject.
http://persistentwriter.wordpress.com
I have never written about something so personal and i'm a little nervous about putting it out into the world, i'm quite a private person.
I look forward to hearing what you guys think. You always have honest, intelligent opinions.
Warm regards
Ki xx
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24 Comments
I know this is controversial, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way. All I'm saying is, that there are other beliefs. I am deeply sorry for your hurt, Kiki, and also Sir TP.
kind regards
stephen
Thank you for reading the blog and commenting. Ki :)
For myself I think people should have the choice, but more information should be available so they know what to expect, as well as their families as part of our culture rather than 'when the time comes.' I have never been in this situation myself, and would hope never to be, but I did care for someone who was - my son Matthew. I honestly don't know what I would have thought/done if the choice was given to me, but I know I wouldn't want to go through what he went through given the choice. Such a difficult subject to discuss in general as it is such a personal choice.
Good blog x
I also had the pleasure of seeing Mary Warnock at Hay Festival, she has her own views on the subject and has just published a fab book called Dishonest to God. I recommend you read it xx
I am more annoyed about this than anything because I know that I am not ill in that sense. I am entirely convinced of this. But I hope that should it turn out to the contrary, which it will not, but should it then I will not wait until I am virtually unable to help myself and put myself in the hands of others. I hope I will have the balls to take my car to a very high place and simply drive it off the edge.
Now I must ponder whether to post this, because I am spectacularly pissed (Father's day, nothing more maudlin than that) and only looked on for a moment. If you are reading this I have pressed the button. If not, then I didn't.
We can only assume what our relations would think and how they would react having to care for us till we pass. Some may well prefer to feel needed and help the relative through to a natural end, while others would shy away in fear of loss of emotion when confronted with it.
Personally I wouldn't (At least I don't think I would) want to pick and choose a time and place to go.
I still fight and battle through each day with determination to give myself a better life. I have the all clear from Cancer now and this thought alone makes me smile some days.
The choice however is much easier and straight forward for some and if they can prove beyond all things that they are sane and in full possession of their faculties when making the decision to go then I think they should have that assistance they so crave. That is their choice and as difficult as it is for the relatives they need to accept it.
I agree choice is so very important but how the law can be written up to support it is a mamoth task.
Mike - More wise words, I'm glad that you understand where I am coming from.
AlanP - Sorry you are having some problems of your own and I hope that they give you the all clear. Good for you for getting hammered; I wish that I could lol.
Nibs - You are a lovely and brave individual. You have been through some tough times and come out the right side; I admire you. You understand what it is to have your mortality placed in jeopardy. It is a mammoth task and I don't envy those that have to make the decisions. I do think though that it is a basic human right to have choice in all aspects of life or death. Thank you for reading and commenting xx
This subject will always fire different emotions in all people, but i too feel the need for freedom of choice rather than medical dictate.
My mother has always said that if ever she finishes up with bad dementia or cancer or anything, I must help her die. I don't know if I could do that. I love her so much, but to watch her suffer like that would be torture knowing what she wanted. The trouble is that if a person has dementia, are they in a state to make a reasoned decision.
At my very worst, when I was bedbound and couldn't go to the toilet without help, or have a light on and everybody had to whisper, I contemplated whether or not I wanted to live like this and would my parents help me if I asked. Fortunately, over time my condition improved, Now I am only housebound and squeeze pleasure out of life where I can. But I still contemplate if I would have had the nerve and knowing what it would do to my mother and father, I can't honestly say I would have.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation Kiks, but I think the bravest people of all are the ones that help their loved ones. Institutions like Dignitas should be available to all. It takes the strain off the people closest to them. That doesn't mean that it won't be painful for them, but to know that you have had to help your daughter/son/mother et al die must be the worst thing of all. I agree that there is much to discuss and it is a very contentious subject, but surely the choice has to rest with the individual if they are of sound mind to make that choice.
Nibs, you are an example to us all. You fought the fight and won, and no one could be happier for you than the cloudies.
Alan, here's hoping everything goes well with your tests.
I'm full of admiration for how you have fought back with optimism and energy and wish you all the very best.
I'm touched by your brave story and by that of others, but I sit on the fence. While I don't want to end my life as a cabbage, that is *me* speaking *now*, in non-cabbage speak. I have no idea what it would be really like, should I end up there; maybe it won't be so bad? Maybe it will be worse than I imagine.
On my 21st birthday, I had a sobering drunken conversation with someone at a bus stop who declared that he didn't ever want to be 40. He imagined how awful it would be to be that old. Now we've passed that milestone, I can say that it's not so bad.
To legislate for such a thing is a minefield - so open to abuse and the bullying of the elderly in care homes - whittling away their childrens' inheritances in exorbitant fees. Would it never be a temptation for strapped relatives to urge their elderly on their way? For the elderly to feel that they were being inconsiderate, a burden, by carrying on living?
I recognise that keeping someone alive past their due date is horrid; I wouldn't want it - I think now - or would I, if it came to it? It's so difficult to know unless you are actually in that situation, in that time, in that place.
The law should protect the vulnerable, and the vulnerable person is the disadvantaged one.
It is tricky to pronounce the rights and wrongs, it's even cheeky for me to do so from a position of no knowledge. But on balance, I feel it's right that the law says it's wrong to assist a suicide - and also right to show mercy to those who do: each case judged on its merits and compassion recognised. Killing people is a serious business and opening the floodgates to abuse by those who stand to gain, doesn't bear thinking about.
I may be speaking out of turn and I may be deluded. There are many things I don't know about all this. I may change my mind if/when faced with this awful decision and can only feel for those caught up in this dreadful dilemma.
One other thing I'll say - suicide casts a very long shadow across and down the generations.
It's late. I'll stop.
Humans on the other hand do not get this option. Working in a hospital, Mum saw many people who were forced to stay alive, even when their bodies and mind were beyond repair. The doctors in the hospital are required to keep them alive indefinitely, even when doing so is clearly unethical, and a huge drain on hospital resources.
So yeah, there's a lot to be said for giving people choice. At the same time, there's a lot to be said for that choice being abused or bullied.
This is probably going to sound really weird, (and probably slightly delusional), but I starting to think that once my body starts failing, I'll take up extreme sports (mountaineering, sky diving, free climbing, etc). On the plus side, I'll get to do all sorts of crazy stuff, and when something eventually goes wrong....
I'd rather get struck by lightning then go whimpering to my grave. (okay, that was just a turn of speech, I don't literally mean whimpering.)
There is no doubt in my mind that we SHOULD have the choice- and the word is choice- we don't have to excercise it! Good luck to you Kiki- continue to be both brave and tough minded
I've thought about this question of assisted death for years. Not, thank God, because I need to make the decision myself but because I've read quite a few books on what is known as 'a good death' (such as that described in books by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross which my father introduced me to, by default, because they were found in his office bookcase after his death) and I have seen various members of my family endure the most protracted and painful ends. And I simply don't know what I think. I can appreciate the arguments on both sides of the debate. It seems to me that they are both valid viewpoints. As several people on here have said, it depends so entirely on the circumstances of a particular case. But, human nature being what it is, it might also encourage deaths that are hastened for motives that have nothing to do with the well-being of the patient. Is that a risk that we should be prepared to take? Can we trust any relevant legislation to be drafted in such a way that it protects the most vulnerable patients (such as those described by Whisks) while enabling others to make the decision about when to die? Unfortunately, we know from experience that most legislation seems to be full of loopholes. Would this be any different or would it be so clotted with legal jargon, in the hope of closing those loopholes, that no one could understand it?
Many of the older Cloudies will know this but younger ones may not. Years ago (and certainly long before Harold Shipman), some doctors and nurses would hasten the death of a patient who was clearly dying and who was suffering hideously in the process - as opposed to those lucky souls who just faded gently away. They'd give them a hefty shot of morphine, say, often having first asked permission from the rest of the family. A friend was telling me recently that her mother's death was eased by the doctor dooing precisely that. The family felt it was the right thing to do because of the mother's condition, and to them it was obvious that she wasn't going to recover. These days, of course, that doesn't happen. Or if it does, the doctor or nurse takes care to hide what they've done for fear of being caught. You could argue that they were all playing God by deciding when the patient should die. Or you could say that they were being compassionate. Or are both statements true? I reckon each case must be judged on its own merits.
One difficulty, of course, is that we have swapped taboos with the Victorians. Their great taboo was sex, even to the extent of covering up piano legs in case they made people think of things they shouldn't, whereas they immersed themselves in death and revelled in it. Think of all those Victorian cemeteries filled with weeping angels; think of the special trains run by the London Necropolis Railway that used to travel exclusively between Waterloo Station and Brookwood Cemetery. And we've switched it round completely. I think we need to talk more about death as a whole, so society can recognize that it's an essential part of life. I don't think we should revert to the mawkishness of the Victorians, but we need to face up to the notion of death rather than keep it at bay through facelifts, anti-wrinkle creams and all the rest of the nonsense that convinces us collectively that death happens to everyone else except us.
Good for you Keeks fighting your way back to health, great news Nibs and good luck AlanP!
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