CradleAxe 1 - Fire & Ice by Cyane
Fire & Ice
by Jaana [aka Cyane]
Regret
Since from the beginnings the war between Fire and Ice elements was the most crucial ones. The elves kind have helped the Ice nation to drive away those Fire warriors from their lands.
The elves have signed a decree with the Ice nation to live in their lands where Winter season is an eternal presence, but the Ice Queen, Xenada, thinking for the sake of elves, she had decided to create an enormous forest area, near to her mountain, where Spring season is coming every year for six months followed by the most tenderness season, called by them Winter, where the wind never blow and its snowing peacefully.
The elves, to show their appreciation, worshipped Queen Xenada as their Goddess every year, for she helped them with her mighty power and learned them that in life they can have a second chance.
Many years have passed from the born of elf’s new land, where many children have open their eyes crying when they heard their first noises, where the elves teach their children about the Queen who released the Ice lands from evil’s hands, and how she saved them from destruction.
***
The night is peacefully like always, but the forest’s screams have overtake till Queen Xenada’s ears. Two elves passed the ice bridge each one carrying in their arms a child, who were sleeping gentle. The young elves opened the throne’s big gates crossing the little river which surround the Royal Hall. They kneel down when Xenada rise up from her cold throne.
“What are you carrying so carefully?” she asked them curious.
“Two fire souls…the children who can bring our deaths if they will live…” answered an old blind elf showing himself from his hiding place.
“You had a vision my old seer?” asked Xenada going down stairs joining the two young elves. She looked attentive to the two newborns who were sleeping beautiful like two stars at the early day‘s sunset. “What those two angels can bring about to cause our deaths?” she said taking the little girl in her arms.
“They are Fire nation’s children, it is impossible for them to live, not here.” said the old seer coming near to the others.
Queen Xenada took a walk with the two little ones, sing to them a little ballad about creations and love.
“My Queen, what are you going to do? We need to kill them.” said the old elf with a gravely voice.
“I will not vanish two innocent souls because of a prophecy, I will raise them like my children.” she said like she ordered them to keep in secret the true origin of the twins. The white short hair of Xenada shined like a waterfall covered with sparkle ice when the moon’s silver radiant light have been liberated by the dark clouds of the night. Her eyes were so scared by loosing those children from her arms, she couldn’t think about it.
Several days Xenada stayed with the little ones every second. When King Trion returned from hunt, she told him about them and he seemed to like them, he knew that those two were from Fire nations because he felt the burning power in their eyes.
“They are so beautiful” said King Trion gladly to carry them into his arms. “The girl will be named Belle and the boy Edhith.” added Trion happy.
The christening of the newborns was a big festival where the elves have been invited to honour their new Royal members.
From that festival fifteen winters had passed and the twins have grown into beautiful young and strong teenagers who are enjoying to hunt with their father the ocean’s creatures followed by the Royal guards. Both of them have been trained to master the axe but Belle wanted to train herself alone in the elf’s forest keeping a secret that she promised she will disclose it to the Queen’s Festival. Edhith was curious what was all about and he tried to find his sister but she was all the time with one step forward when he was close to her.
The Festival was close and all the elves had come to help the Ice nation to make all the preparations. Edhith helped two old mans to take the casks with wine in the Royal Hall, carrying them on his big shoulders. Belle and Lilith, an elf friend, managed to help in the kitchen quarters to arrange the vessel on the long tables where all the people were guests to eat and to have a good time.
Belle leaned by one of the chairs feeling her head burning like the hell’s flames. She tried to say something but she fell down breathing hard. Lilith heard the thud when Belle’s body blow the floor, and she grab herself to help her “Hey…Belle…answer me, Belle…” tried Lilith to wake her up “Help…anybody” shouted the elf girl but no one was there. She heard Belle trying to tell something but from her throat outburst a strong yell, her body started to bleed when many iron sins covered her, burning her skin like the fine pages of an old book. Lilith took Belle on her shoulders running to the hospital quarters trying to not fell down because of the girl’s armour which its weight was incredible.
When she climbed the last ten stairs she opened the heavy doors of the north quarters of the palace and quickly she lay Belle in one of the free beds from the right part of the chapel where ten or twelve priests were down on their knees praying to one of their powerful gods, Cloud, to spare the twins lives and to watch them till they will be okay. Lilith saw Edhith in the same state like his sister and she touched his skin full of blood and iron sins who sparkle every time when she caress it gently “Edhith…you to… what‘s going on?. She started to cry like a child who lost something and in the same time Xenada and Trion came in the quarters in a quick hurry and when the Queen saw her children complete covered with blood she fell sick after she shouted like an animal in pain being caught by her king.
Trion asked the nurses to help him to take care of Xenada and took Lilith’s hand in his ones crying. “Please go in your forest and bring Amelie here” said the king sad “I need her here as quick as she can come”. Lilith didn’t answer ‘cause she disappeared suddenly when Trion turned to watch in his children’s eyes which were open and he felt their pain and heard their gravely inner shouts for help, he was so helpless in this moment and he remembered when he hold them in his arms for the first time.
To the night’s set, Trion wanted to stay in the room with the twins, retired in one dark corner.
***
The second day arrived with three travellers who were Lilith with Amelie and a young elf from Silver Crane Clan Royal family, which is the most powerful elf clan from north. They run till the palace gates and the young elf walked on the palace’s walls jumping on the big windows from the north. He fell down near to Belle and kissed her hands gently with tears in his eyes and he noticed King Trion stand thoughtful in the same dark and silent place where he laid hours ago “King Trion, what was happened here?” asked the young boy watching in the King’s eyes “Sirion, I am glad to see you…allow me to tell you a tale about two little children who were predestined to die because of a weak prophecy.” Sirion heard the Trion’s voice more fainted than before and he felt being pulled into a different place, different time. He recognized the north forest of Ice lands and observed two human babies crying loud. Two elves took them in their arms and run away to the Queen’s palace followed by him.
Sirion woke up. “Are you ok?” asked Amelie smiling. “Yes…where am I? Ah…Belle…is she ok? said Sirion rising half sleepy and pulling his clothes clumsy like a child.
“Belle and Edhith are ok…they are resting in their rooms now.”she answered giving to him a coup of water. Lilith opened the windows letting the sun to flood the room with its warmth gleams. They heard the Queen’s voice screaming and lived the room in a hurry going to the second floor. When they arrived to the scene their eyes were frightened by the most horror view they have seen in their lives, Edhith was over Belle with his axes pushing in her chest covering the floor with her blood and with her last breath she pushed her hands in his stomach and four blades go out from her arms, like two opened scissors, stab him painful and pulled his guts out.
Edhith apology for his weakness and died in the same time with Belle. The two of them transformed into ashes and disappeared on the windows burning like the Phoenix’s full ablaze wings. Sirion jumped out of the windows and caught Belle’s silver necklace screaming her name, his voice rending the queen‘s ice heart.
They knew they were born to bring many sufferings and deaths if they lived till they were about to turn sixteen, and they preferred to kill themselves and to save the others from destruction.
Sirion was marked for ever because of the disappearing of his beloved and he closed himself inside of his inner universe. He regretted that he never had the chance to tell that he loved her so much, but now it was to late.


4 Comments
Many years have passed from the born of elf’s new land - (birth of)
These are just from the few lines after the three asterisks
The night is peacefully like always - (peaceful)
the forest’s screams have overtake till Queen Xenada’s ears. - (?)
were sleeping gentle - (gently)
They kneel down when Xenada rise up from her cold throne. - (knelt down / rose (up) kneel down / rises)
This from the ending
Edhith apology for his weakness and died in the same time with Belle. - (apologises / dies at the same time as Belle?)
There are plenty more throughout this and your second piece. Also the dialogue needs to be on a new line.
It's very bulky.
Perhaps there are more people qualified than me here on the cloud that could offer better help, but sorry I couldn't read much of it.
My other point, which hopefully may help you in spite of the langusge barrier, is the length of this part of the story. It is an intriguing tale of the twin foundlings being adopted by the queen, rather like the baby Moses being raised by Pharaoh's daughter. They then develop a mystery illness when they are 15 which seems to lead them to a mutual act of murder/suicide to protect the world from an unspecified fate had they lived to reach 16. Now, admittedly, my potted version of your tale is far too short, but your long version could definitely bear some pruning back. It seems to be setting some background for the main story? If so, I'm sure it could be told much more succinctly.
I hope this is helpful, but if it doesn't seem quite right for you, then you carry on; it is your story, after all. Write on, Cyane.
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