Hello My Lags

Published by: Mat on 23rd Sep 2017 | View all blogs by Mat

I thought to re-introduce myself after absence due to the prison sentence. 

It seems today - easy to recall the despair of those early mornings:

‘There’s no internet down the Scrubs,’ said Pepsi the Mexican, and he cackled, leaned from his cot down to my bunk and grey blanket.  How would I survive without my Facebook updates? I thought.

And then ‘Got a burn, mate?’ he said.

‘I got no fuckin burn,’ I replied in his own dialect of the underworld, although I did possess a 12.5 gramme government issue cigar of baccy, the tube up my sleeve.

And over time became a model prisoner, with my buddy eventually, Pepsi,  and his special friend Shirley, and me, the ‘hard bastards’ in the vernacular.  I apologise if I appear a ‘hard bastard’ in my prose.  But there remains a residue of pride that I survived six months on E wing virtually unscathed, such are my skills with the remote control of the toy helicopter.

We were the legendary ‘Spice Girls,’ [if you’ve served time, you will know me, Daddy] among the seventy young and elderly offenders surrounding us, dosed to the eyeballs in their stupors, either asleep, giggling, punching wildly into space or fiddling on their Gamestations.  I might almost describe the experience as a pleasure for me, might consider my so-called crime, the poodle drop-kick as fortuitous.  Forgive my blogging skills that are rusty.  I am yet to resurrect my former lair, the world-famous blog home.  These are early forays in communication.

So, I begin my new job on Monday as a drainage and irrigation specialist.  That’s good.  How are you and how do you plan to spend the rest of this sunny day?

My love





  • BellaM
    by BellaM 10 months ago
    Welcome back, Mat. Much water has passed under the bridge since you so abruptly deserted us. But, as a drainage and irrigation specialist, you would know as much.
  • Newbie
    by Newbie 10 months ago
    Hi, Mat, good to have you back.
  • Mat
    by Mat 10 months ago
    I'm sorry, Bella. Prop called me a 'chicken farmer' and I started crying. Thanks so much for being nice & saying hello.

    I'm not a specialist - it's a new job in my hour of need. The boss has the same voice as me, so pretty much hired on the spot kind of thing. I'm with his rough boys on Monday morning, & need to get into character. [I mean] they all seem very decent. Asides from my writing job, of course, y'know..
  • Mat
    by Mat 10 months ago
    Thanks Newbie :)
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