The Word Cloud

Usual warnings, blah blah blah, bad taste, blah, blah, swearing, blah, blah, schmah.



You know when a song comes on the radio and you have a little side dialogue going on at the same time? What do you mean, ‘no’? Oh you so do. You know you do. I know you do. Hell, even the other readers of this tripe know you do. You so do.

Well, anyway, I was prodded into a Christmas blog and was thinking seriously about a deep and meaningful expose of the virtuous nature of the season... and then thought, ‘nah’.

Instead I thought I’d bring you to a Police station probably somewhere near you, on the eve of Christmas, at two in the morning and the charge of assault and battery following a works festive party. It seems our anti-hero has lost his temper and, collecting his statement, PC Anybody realised that it was a familiar tune but he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

According to the transcription, here’s how the end of a promising night went…

‘I really can't stay’
Ok, bye then
‘I've got to go away’
Riiight. Bye then.
‘This evening has been, so very nice’
Ta. Close the door on your way out.
‘My mother will start to worry’
And that interests me because…?
‘My father will be pacing the floor’
He’s not the only one
‘So really I'd better scurry.’
Yes, you said.
‘Well maybe just a half a drink more’
Oh for fucks sake make up your mind will you?
‘The neighbours might think’
What?
‘Say, what's in this drink’
Rohypnol. What will the neighbours think?
'I wish I knew how’
What?! What will the neighbours think?
‘To break the spell’
You can’t just start saying something and then not finish it!
‘I ought to say no, no, no, sir’
Oh for heavens sake, what is it the neighbours will think?
‘At least I'm gonna say that I tried’
You’re certainly trying something woman…
‘I really can't stay’
Oh I give up! Are you bloody going or not?
‘Ahh, but its cold outside’
Of course it’s cold outside! It’s Winter and three degrees below zero!
‘I simply must go’
Well bloody go then!
‘The answer is no’
I didn’t ask you anything
‘This welcome has been’
What? This welcome has been what?
‘So nice and warm’
Oh. Right. Ok, thanks. Wierdo.
‘My sister will be suspicious’
Of what? You just got here and now you want to bugger off home
‘My brother will be there at the door’
Why? Hasn’t he got an XBox to play with?
‘My maiden aunt's mind is vicious’
What?! Who cares? Maiden aunt? Who uses that term anymore?
‘Well maybe just a half a drink more’
Oh for fucks sake; you’re just taking the piss now
‘I've got to go home’
YES! YOU SAID! Off you go, then!
‘Say, lend me your coat’
What? No! Fuck off! Get your own coat, you cheap cow
‘You've really been grand’
I’m warning you, bitch, get out
‘But don't you see’
You won’t see in a minute, I’m telling you if you if you mention its cold outside one more time, I swear I’m going to batter you
‘There's bound to be talk tomorrow’
About what?! We didn’t do anything!
‘At least there will be plenty implied’
Well whoop-de-fucking-do; implication? As if that's going to clean my pipes
‘I really can't stay’
GAAAAAH! Then FUCK OFF then!
‘Ahh, but it's cold outside’
Right that’s it, you’re fucking dead meat

*cough*
Soooo, that’s what goes through my head when I hear that song…*cough*

What goes through yours…?

:o)

Ez