Night-time Antics
I thought I would publish my first post to talk about the
night-time drama's of being married to one Mr Benjamin James
Holmes. And for those of you, whose minds automatically go
there...you know who you are...I am not talking about THOSE
night-time drama's!
My husband is a chronic sleep talker/walker/one-manned-motion-picture, during the night! Now to be honest, I truly love his early morning antics, as it is most definitely the cause of much laughter each morning as we recount the nightly events! Although it can cut into my sleep, meaning that in the last 2 1/2 years of marriage, I would have been lucky to get a dozen full nights sleep! No, this is an exaggeration, but you get the idea! When we were first married, I was often confused by the events that took place in our bed, as I was not used to this extremity of activity. I remember that at one point Ben, thinking I was a big black bull, was leaning over me, trying to decide how I got there. And when I awoke to his face directly above mine, got a fright and promptly tried to question him as to what he was doing, he was very quick to turn over in bed and tell me nothing...as though his actions should not cause any confusion and he had been behaving perfectly normally. Over the last 2 years, Ben has saved me from falling rocks by attempting to push me out of the bed, encouraged me and the large audience in our bedroom, by clapping and cheering, given the thumbs up to my brother and his friends while on holiday, and had many many conversations with Stevo... apparently a very good friend of ours, whom I have never met!
I usually wake earlier than Ben for work, and on one morning in particular, I had got out of the shower and was by the bed turning on my hair-straighteners...I had not dressed at this point, and due to the fact that we have just returned from a holiday in South America, have quite obvious tan-lines...when I find Ben staring at me oddly. This was one of the only time's when I have not been able to tell straight away that he was still asleep, as his eyes usually give him away. He started saying to me, "No thank-you", (a polite boy, even in his sleep). I asked him what he meant but he simply kept repeating himself. At this point I realised I was talking to him in his sleep and asked him what he was talking about, to which he responded by pointing to my body and repeating, "No thank-you", (Luckily I am not easily offended, or I might have assumed that he thought I was hitting on him, and was rejecting my offer of wake-up sex), instead I started laughing and asked him why he didn't like me standing there naked, to which he looked me up and down with a very confused expression on his face, then realising I was telling the truth, he rolled over looking very silly, and pretended he had said nothing. As it turns out, he had thought I was standing in front of him covered in brown powder, and had offered to cover him with the powder also, to which he very politely replied, "No thank-you!"
But recently he has taken to rearranging the ornaments around our bedroom. I first noticed it a couple of weeks ago while we were Skyping friends of ours from home. Sitting next to the computer, on the desk in our room, were all the items from Ben's bedside table. Now being the neat freak that I am, I should congratulate myself in training him so well to the point of tidying in his sleep, although I doubt very much, that this was the cause of the movement. Usually Ben's night-time antics involve him rescuing or saving someone, being in some adventure in some jungle, or flying some plane. But the common theme is that he is the hero in each event. So to be honest it would not surprise me in the least if these items were actually some poor, helpless citizen he had saved from certain death, or possibly a litter of kittens he had rescued from a burning tree?
Ben has however, gone from moving the items from the bedside table and placing them at other locations in the room, to taking them into the bed with him. He awoke this morning, after dreaming that the bedside table was in fact an overhead luggage compartment in a plane, that he was given the duty of unpacking, to find all the various items from the table, in the bed with him. Being the sneaky man that he is, he then removed them from the bed before I awoke and noticed his odd behaviour, and placed them on the window sill...much less suspicious if you ask me!
Well, all in all, I do feel just a little bit smug that I am privilege to so much entertainment during the night, as not all women could boast such adventure while they sleep!
My husband is a chronic sleep talker/walker/one-manned-motion-picture, during the night! Now to be honest, I truly love his early morning antics, as it is most definitely the cause of much laughter each morning as we recount the nightly events! Although it can cut into my sleep, meaning that in the last 2 1/2 years of marriage, I would have been lucky to get a dozen full nights sleep! No, this is an exaggeration, but you get the idea! When we were first married, I was often confused by the events that took place in our bed, as I was not used to this extremity of activity. I remember that at one point Ben, thinking I was a big black bull, was leaning over me, trying to decide how I got there. And when I awoke to his face directly above mine, got a fright and promptly tried to question him as to what he was doing, he was very quick to turn over in bed and tell me nothing...as though his actions should not cause any confusion and he had been behaving perfectly normally. Over the last 2 years, Ben has saved me from falling rocks by attempting to push me out of the bed, encouraged me and the large audience in our bedroom, by clapping and cheering, given the thumbs up to my brother and his friends while on holiday, and had many many conversations with Stevo... apparently a very good friend of ours, whom I have never met!
I usually wake earlier than Ben for work, and on one morning in particular, I had got out of the shower and was by the bed turning on my hair-straighteners...I had not dressed at this point, and due to the fact that we have just returned from a holiday in South America, have quite obvious tan-lines...when I find Ben staring at me oddly. This was one of the only time's when I have not been able to tell straight away that he was still asleep, as his eyes usually give him away. He started saying to me, "No thank-you", (a polite boy, even in his sleep). I asked him what he meant but he simply kept repeating himself. At this point I realised I was talking to him in his sleep and asked him what he was talking about, to which he responded by pointing to my body and repeating, "No thank-you", (Luckily I am not easily offended, or I might have assumed that he thought I was hitting on him, and was rejecting my offer of wake-up sex), instead I started laughing and asked him why he didn't like me standing there naked, to which he looked me up and down with a very confused expression on his face, then realising I was telling the truth, he rolled over looking very silly, and pretended he had said nothing. As it turns out, he had thought I was standing in front of him covered in brown powder, and had offered to cover him with the powder also, to which he very politely replied, "No thank-you!"
But recently he has taken to rearranging the ornaments around our bedroom. I first noticed it a couple of weeks ago while we were Skyping friends of ours from home. Sitting next to the computer, on the desk in our room, were all the items from Ben's bedside table. Now being the neat freak that I am, I should congratulate myself in training him so well to the point of tidying in his sleep, although I doubt very much, that this was the cause of the movement. Usually Ben's night-time antics involve him rescuing or saving someone, being in some adventure in some jungle, or flying some plane. But the common theme is that he is the hero in each event. So to be honest it would not surprise me in the least if these items were actually some poor, helpless citizen he had saved from certain death, or possibly a litter of kittens he had rescued from a burning tree?
Ben has however, gone from moving the items from the bedside table and placing them at other locations in the room, to taking them into the bed with him. He awoke this morning, after dreaming that the bedside table was in fact an overhead luggage compartment in a plane, that he was given the duty of unpacking, to find all the various items from the table, in the bed with him. Being the sneaky man that he is, he then removed them from the bed before I awoke and noticed his odd behaviour, and placed them on the window sill...much less suspicious if you ask me!
Well, all in all, I do feel just a little bit smug that I am privilege to so much entertainment during the night, as not all women could boast such adventure while they sleep!
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14 Comments
it's great when you talk to someone who's asleep and they actually reply... my ex used to do that but i was never sure if he was actually asleep or just unconscious from too many beers? but loved the replies i got. wish i could remember them properly as would love to 'blog' him... lol
i think you have a lot of patience! and i think you should subliminally put the thought of doing the dishes into his head before he drops off... maybe throw in a 'damn, i forgot to do the dishes' so you can wake up every morning to them being done???
i've been told i snore, but i don't believe it.... but i think you're experience is much more interesting. plus you're sleeping with a superhero - look at all those people/kittens he saves every night - hehe
minxie x
I agree though...I don't remember half of what he says or does, especially after two years, I don't wake properly to his drama's anymore!!
I will let you know how the hinting goes...here's hoping for blog no. 2 to be titled "Night-time Cleaner/Shopper"! :-)
I remember my brother got caught peeing on the car cos he thought he was in the toilet...nearly did it on the wall a couple of times!! My sister also was found in her wardrobe, dressed in several items of clothing holding a couple of handbags talking to some shop assistant!! I am not sure why I didn't get it, but I am obviously attracted to it...hence the choice in hubby!! Probably for the best I didn't get it...it wouldn't do with the two of us running a muck at night!
But you don't necessarily have to be asleep to do bizarre stuff. I was at a party, at a squat in Islington. Me and my brother had been latched onto by two rather gorgeous girls, who were trying to get away from this skinhead who wouldn't take "Hell, no!" for a answer. He followed us to the party, and tried to start on me, in a totally lame-ass way. He showed me his bloody knuckles and said "I've been punching the wall!" I said "No you haven't." Well, that baffled him. I said "If you'd been punching the wall hard enough to do that to your knuckles, we'd have heard it." I demonstrated, using my knowledge of musicianship, and my travla-tungsten knuckles. I punched the wall, finding its resonant frequency. This made the whole house go "BOOM!", to an extent that brought everyone running to find out what the fuck was going on. I showed the dickhead my entirely undamaged knuckles. "If you'd been punching the wall hard enough to fuck your knuckles up, we would have heard it," I repeated. He decided to leave me alone.
Funnily enough, I was suffering from the flu at the time, and was only able to party cos of the unfeasible amount of coke I'd ingested. But it caught up with me: I wasn't able (much to my brother's disgust) to follow up on the acquisition of the girls. I got sick, and ran for the khazi. But there was someone in there, so I headed to the nearest darkened room. Being the considerate motherfucker that I am, I tried to keep things halfway tidy by throwing up in the corner. After which, I looked down to see an expensive stereo system, covered in puke. I wobbled over to the bed, and lay down. I puked again, and since I was lying in a depression in the matress, it flowed back at me and tried to drown me. So I turned over, and puked again, with similar results. I then hung my head over the side of the bed, so at least I wouldn't drown. At this point, some girl and a guy decided that the darkened room was the perfect place for a quickie. He bent her over the end of the bed, and started banging way. I felt a small, feminine hand grip my buttock. Oh, fuck off, you're making me seasick!
The next morning, me and my brother were sitting with the two girls we'd rescued from the skinhead dickhead, then subsequently disappointed. They said "Thanks for the speed." I was like "Speed?! That was coke, for fuck's sake!"
An irate squatter entered the room. "Did any of you guys see who destroyed my room? There was puke everywhere!" He had smashed the window and thrown his fucked-up stereo and puke-drenched mattress out of it. He was about ready to kill someone. "No," I said angelically, "I didn't see a thing!"
Never go into business with friends, 'cos you won't come out of it with them intact.
joe - did you remember to tell the other half to rescue all those drowning puppies from the 'lake' in the kitchen - and dry them and put them away... lol
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