Peace in the Madness
I only truly feel at home when I’m in my
study.
The window to the right of the desk looks out onto tree tops,
with the occasional TV aerial in between and only a soothing
growl from the cars on the road outside. The light shines onto
the pale blue walls and the cream carpet giving the room a light
and airy feel. When the sun sets behind the houses, the entire
room glows. I can just look out onto a bright orange sky and feel
like I own the world.
In this room I can forget about the essay that's due in tomorrow,
or the forms that are only half completed. It's a room to relax
and be studious in. It's a personal space where I can just be me;
where I don't have to worry that the person reading my story over
my shoulder is disapproving. I can write what I want, share when
I'm ready and have easy contact with friends and family.
Our internet broke a few weeks ago so it made the home computer
redundant. That week was extremely stressful as I had lost my
retreat; I lost my place of peace. I never really noticed how
much a quiet time meant to me until it was gone.
I now vow that I will let myself just be me for a little bit
everyday. It prepares me for the rush of the evening and the next
day until my next rest. I'm not a natural get-up-and-go person,
but I've begun to realise that you need to have some oomph to get
anywhere, even if it's just to get through the day.
I also tend to find if I laze about, I miss things. When I see
events I've missed because I wasn't able to go- even if it wasn't
due to laziness- I always feel sad. I want to get out and see the
world before I get too stuck in a rut and never want to move. I
don't want to get dull, and I know I will if I stay still for too
long.
I'm forcing myself to be more proactive but this means my crash
times are all the more significant. I would spend forever writing
if I could, but unfortunately I'm not rich enough to have a maid
to bring me food :P
I've decided two things for certain over the past year. One: I'm
going to India. Whether next year, the year after or when I'm
100, I'm going. Two: I going to enjoy this little bit of peace,
in the madness of life. While I still can.
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7 Comments
I envy you your solace even if it is short duration. I too struggle for the balance of ambition versus reflection...too much of either destroys both.....I am soo far behind my commitments that I am sure if I look hard enough ahead, I will see my own backside in front of me.....
Make sure you go to India- do all the travelling you can while you can. Who knows what tomorrow may bring x
OFP, thanks for the recommendation, I'll try and find it :)
Wrath, when my internet crashed, it happened to be a very busy week with a huge work load so I was having to use other computers with internet so I could keep up. I couldn't leave enough time aside to get onto word to do anything :( I have managed it before. I find when i'm on holiday i get a lot more done because i've got nothing else to do.
Thanks for the advice Gerilyn, life can be a slippery thing to grab through. Even with your tightest grasp it still manages to slip away sometimes. I'm applying for a gap year next year where I'll hopefully be going to India. it's a lot of money to raise but it'll be worth it :)
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