This bloke took in his uncle’s parrot after the old man had to go into an old people’s home. The old chap had been a sailor and had spent many years in the navy, but he had had the parrot for a very long time. His mum insisted her son should give it a home and he was a soft touch, so he agreed.
A week of calm passed and the bird settled into its new home, never emitting a sound. The man went out on a date and, later, invited the young lady back to his apartment. Upon seeing the guest the bird immediately started squawking in a very loud voice,
“Lovely titties, lovely titties”
The young woman picked up her bag and left, most offended.
“What are you doing?” he asked the parrot, who merely cocked his head to one side, looked curious and said not a word.
Right said the man. “Well don’t let it happen again!”
Next week the man again manages to tempt a young woman back to his apartment. As soon as the girl has taken off her coat the bird bursts out screeching
“Lovely titties, lovely litties”
In a trice the woman gathers up her things and leaves.
“Do that again and there’ll be real trouble,” he threatened the bird who merely cocked his head to one side, looked curious and said not a word.
Not long after this the man again manages to pull and brings a really beautiful girl back. Of course as soon as her coat came off revealing her charms the bird again squawked
“Lovely titties, lovely titties”.
The girl left straight away.
“That’s enough. I warned you,” he shouted and grabbing the parrot he threw it into the fridge.
There was ten minutes of dreadful squawking, then it went quiet. Thinking he had been perhaps rather harsh the man opened the fridge and the bird was perched there on a shelf looking very contrite.
“Well?” the man said. “Have you learned your lesson?”
“Yes, I bloody well have,” said the parrot. “I didn’t think you meant it. What the **** did that chicken do to piss you off so much?”