Realisations and difficult decisions
So, my getting stuck on my story didn't quite have the outcome i
planned. Having sat and thought about the whole thing, i realised
it wouldn't pick up until about halfway through, and everything i
had leading up to that point was patchy at best, utterly vacous at
worst. Worse still, to fix the plot problem would mean starting all
over again, and making huge fundamental changes to the whole damned
thing.
Which is when i realised i didn't actually like it much. The villains were weak, the cast weren't very interesting and the overall story wasn't up to the standard i had once thought that i had surpassed. This is when i realised the story just had to die.
The second realisation was that i wasn't enjoying it. Writing it was a chore, and i rarely, if ever, 'felt' the story. It wasn't coming out of my heart and so it had no soul.
The third realisation was that i was trying to hard. What am i really trying to achieve here? To i honestly think i could get published with my current standard of work? The honest truth is, hard as it is to accept, no. I'm not good enough yet. Not by a long shot.
Now that isn't some squeaking traitorous thought, born from a lack of confidence and a cry for positive attention. It's actually born from a positive place. If i had to be honest, i lost my mojo a while ago. I'm now looking forward to writing for fun, with no particular end goal in mind. I will write a dozen, two dozen stories if i have to. With the experience and practice will come a greater standard of writing.
It's far too easy to want to believe that everything that spews out of your brain-hole is wonderful, full of natural gift and talent. It's a warm fuzzy barrier that shuts out those nagging little doubts that you're not good enough.
To actually listen to those doubts, and to realise they were actually trying to tell me something has been a liberation. I know i'm not a bad writer. I may even be half decent. But i do know now that i'm a young and inexperienced writer with only a couple of fully completed projects under his belt. I don't know everything. I'm not perfect. I need to learn more, practice more, understand more, read more and listen more.
And, most importantly, i need to start having fun again!
So there you have it, the decision is final. Tomorrow i start work on a new story. It isn't going to be commercially viable. It's not going to be attractive to a publisher. Gods know it isn't going to be a masterpiece. But it is going to be fun to write, and hopefully it will be fun to read!
So here's to new beginnings, and remembering why i started writing in the first place :D
Which is when i realised i didn't actually like it much. The villains were weak, the cast weren't very interesting and the overall story wasn't up to the standard i had once thought that i had surpassed. This is when i realised the story just had to die.
The second realisation was that i wasn't enjoying it. Writing it was a chore, and i rarely, if ever, 'felt' the story. It wasn't coming out of my heart and so it had no soul.
The third realisation was that i was trying to hard. What am i really trying to achieve here? To i honestly think i could get published with my current standard of work? The honest truth is, hard as it is to accept, no. I'm not good enough yet. Not by a long shot.
Now that isn't some squeaking traitorous thought, born from a lack of confidence and a cry for positive attention. It's actually born from a positive place. If i had to be honest, i lost my mojo a while ago. I'm now looking forward to writing for fun, with no particular end goal in mind. I will write a dozen, two dozen stories if i have to. With the experience and practice will come a greater standard of writing.
It's far too easy to want to believe that everything that spews out of your brain-hole is wonderful, full of natural gift and talent. It's a warm fuzzy barrier that shuts out those nagging little doubts that you're not good enough.
To actually listen to those doubts, and to realise they were actually trying to tell me something has been a liberation. I know i'm not a bad writer. I may even be half decent. But i do know now that i'm a young and inexperienced writer with only a couple of fully completed projects under his belt. I don't know everything. I'm not perfect. I need to learn more, practice more, understand more, read more and listen more.
And, most importantly, i need to start having fun again!
So there you have it, the decision is final. Tomorrow i start work on a new story. It isn't going to be commercially viable. It's not going to be attractive to a publisher. Gods know it isn't going to be a masterpiece. But it is going to be fun to write, and hopefully it will be fun to read!
So here's to new beginnings, and remembering why i started writing in the first place :D
Comments
Subscribe
Visitor counter
Blog Roll Centre
Blog Hints
43 Comments
Obviously you're going through the phase where a story is bursting to get out of you but try as you might you can't find a way of expressing it perfectly. Let me tell you ... every aspiring writer knows that feeling and has to find a way through it. Don't try to be perfect from the beginning. Work hard at it because success don't come overnight.
Also ... please get rid of the habit of referring to yourself in the first person singular with a small-case i. If YOU don't think you're worthy of a capital letter, who the hell else will?
Best wishes in all your endeavours,
Now Val. It goes without saying that you can refer to yourself any way you damn well please in your own blog. You can also write about anything you like no matter how others may see it. If someone doesn't "get" a post they will usually just leave it be instead of ranting about their world view.
I know where you are is a daunting place. It's hard to put a story down when you have invested so much time and effort, but it's great that you're listening to your gut. Best of luck for what you begin and I look forward to reading some when you are ready to share it.
My most recent (non-fiction) book is composed of about 100 articles/stories, but they are the tip of the iceberg. I have a big folder of topics that I began but abandoned because I could see they weren't working.
Anyway, good luck with your new project! I hope you get a huge kick out of writing it and that your readers enjoy it too.
I have been asking a lot of these questions on here. I personally think that writing if fun for some and a job for others...it becomes a job when you get paid, until then, it's just aspirations...but I think regardless of whether you earn money or not it'll always be a hobby. You don't choose to write, it chooses you! We are all artists in our own way, seeking to create a masterpiece...not all of us become grand masters...lol
Hope this helps :)
'I'm not good enough yet.' Well you won't be short of company because none of us are. Understanding this, I suspect, is the beginning of wisdom and a sure sign that you're a writer. Good luck with the next story, and the one after that and the one after...
Novels take so long that we HAVE learn to keep going whether we want to or not that day: all the times which say that doing something else would be better. It's essential but yes, it can also mean you don't hear the little voice that is right in telling you that the relationship between you and the project has run its course.
And yes, getting some kind of objective feel for how your writing fits with everyone else's and the industry is one of the big steps in growing up as a writer. I hope you won't allow that sensible realisation to stop you writing altogether, because so many of the joys and benefits and satisfactions of writing aren't about some external measure of 'good enough'; they're about the creative act. We're none of us good enough yet, after all - not a single person on the Cloud. It's a terrible cliché, but it's true that the day you think there's no better you could get, is the first day you can be sure your writing's no good.
I can't help thinking that a refusal to read negative words must be rather hampering in trying to become a writer.
There is a section on this forum on how to give feedback/ respond appropriately to others' writing. It's basic stuff but evidently needs pointing out again. i would have thought it basic courtesy to read the full blog before commenting too.
Good luck with the new story Valkia. :) :) xx
Elysia: I'll actually admit to not being brave enough to do a massive slugfest like yourself! Perhaps for a project i was more fond of, i guess. Re-writing this beast isn't really an option though. I might re-visit the main character in the future, but im happy to leave the rest of it.
Spangles: It's true. It was almost chilling to realise i'd lost the fun. I think back to how i would eagerly spend huge chunks of time on my last finished story, eager to smash out a few straight chapters, whereas this time i was struggling to string a few thousand words together!
Kiki: Cheers for the support! Don't worry, i'm a tough-skinned old beast. Young beast. Beast anyway.
Islander: Also cheers. I'm learning to love all over again! I even have a new plot already :D
Liss: Who the heck is mr bob? Also thanks!
Pimlico kid: Thanks muchly, it's good to hear things like that from folks such as yourself. The vid is very useful, thanks :)
Jtf: Cheers! To i get a new title now? Like journeyman? Lay-writer? OR do i still have to be a stinky ol' apprentice? I guess it beats skullery boy.
EmmaD: There's no chance i'll stop writing. I nearly did once before, and it was an awful mistake.
Autumn: Thanks for the advice and support. Umm... I have been here for maybe two years now, so I know my way around :D. Thanks though, i do very much appreciate the friendliness and sentiment.
Gerilyn: It's not an easy choice is it? Throwing away a few thousand words is like doing the same thing with pound coins!
Stephenterry: You're only as old as you feel man! Which is unfortunate as i've had a long day and must be about 500 right now.
Wrathnar: It does sound like we've had a similar experience. Your advice on carry on is sound, and i will bear in mind in future. This time around, i'm really not choosing to pursue the story. It's like my own personal abomination. Created for the wrong reasons, from the wrong part of my heart and mind.
Liss: Hey! I did you once already!
....phew. I think thats all of you. Sorry if i gave some of you less mention than others! There's so many of you and i dont want to repeat myself :D. Thanks for taking the time and offering up your support!
Sorry inappropriate.
Mr bob was in reference to some stupid thing SOMEONE said. But I can't remember how... :P x
*grumble* better be worth it...
For myself, I write because I enjoy it. I get a weird little burst of pleasure that I don't get from doing anything else, and it's a great feeling. If that were missing, I don’t think I’d want to write anymore. I think it must have been quite difficult to come to the realisation that you’re not happy with your current project and a lot of guts to put it to one side to go look for the weird little burst of pleasure that you get from writing again. Hope you find it.
Who knows, maybe the story you were working on is just not ready for you yet and you’ll come back to it another time? Good luck with it all Valkia.
It's tough to abandon something you've worked so hard on. So many reasons not too and probably just the one overwhelming one in favour. I have, I think, been unknowingly wrestling with a similar issue. I have been writing one project for far too long. It's been on and off like a lady of the night's undergarments; so often that I have lost the joy of it. My particular problem is that I need space in order to work and making money for shoes and food and stuff keeps intruding.
Re reading my particular opus it's not so bad, but I just don't get the spark from it that I did. Time to start something else. I'm good at that. So thanks for helping. Now, where's that notebook...
ps. I have capitalised my first person, just in case. You can never be too careful.
It really has been nice to have a positive impact on so many people. It really has helped me get my teeth into this new thing with refreshed confidence and enthusiasm. I do rather hope it lasts!
Dont sweat the divorce. It was brief, confusing, and then she tried to make me do stuff. It wasn't meant to be!
The feedback pointer was aimed at the contributor who should know better, and my point was that when I was struggling, I found that revisiting some writing books helped.
Anyway, hope the new stuff is now progressing nicely! :)
Click here to sign up now.