Someone always dies.

Need more help?

Get feedback on your writing.
Get assistance with finding literary agents.
Get help writing for children.
Sign up for one of our online creative writing courses
Get free advice on How to Write a Book.
Find out How To Get Published.
Explore the best book on Getting Published.
Don't miss our Festival of Writing.
If you're still stuck, then contact us.

The Writers' Workshop is run by writers for writers. We're here to help.

Published by: Natalie James (Tors) on 31st Mar 2011 | View all blogs by Natalie James (Tors)

I don't do blogs very often, I don't feel I have much to contribute in a blog sense, and following the only other blog I have done they're depressing.

I hope in writing this blog I break whatever real or imaginary 'curse' that's around.

Most of you know my husband is in the military. During the five years we've been together he's had two dessert tours of duty and he is currently involved in the ground support for Lybia.

When he was in Iraq, our joint friends little brother (aged six) got run over by a car and died.
When he was in Afghan, my Dad found his best friend (my pseudo Uncle) dead following a heart attack.
Today I received a phone call from one of my best friends that her terminally ill mother has taken a turn for the worse and has been given days.

I've only ever voiced this to one other person, but it would appear that when my husband goes out of area, someone always dies...

Comments

27 Comments

by Bren 1 year ago

Oh Tors, this is heavy stuff. You need a lot of strength to cope with all these things. Does it make the car damage harder too as you have to deal with it?
You will become paranoid if you match the unfortunate events with your husband's absence. Lots of healing hugs to you at this time. I hope you have plenty of people to support you emotionally.
by Tony 1 year ago

I'm not going to try to comment directly on your blog, just tell you that I'm praying for you, Tors, in your terrible situation. Your friend is lucky to have you and your other friend to help her through this dificult time. I trust her mother's final days will not be too stressful and that you will be able to arange to be there to add your comforting presence.
by MarkR 1 year ago

Tors, I'm so sorry to hear this, I'm sure you'll provide strong support in this difficult time. I can see how you join the dots in respect of your husband's absence, but I honestly believe that life, Fate, God, whoever/whatever is more random than that. If tragedies must be encountered, you'd wish to face them with your husband of course but it'll be coincidence rather than 'curse'. Blog next when your husband is back with you - only happy words. Take care of yourself over the next few days too.
by JtF 1 year ago

The eye is quick to pick patterns where maybe they don't actually exist. Bad news doesn't come in three's (unless it can be attributed) deep breaths as to what's actually out there. Keep calm and carry on (for your friend) and know that all the Clouders are there for you.
by Vanessa 1 year ago

I am sorry to say this but it's nothing to do with your husband being away ... People just die ...it sucks, I have already lost a cousin aged 27 to cancer, and 3 uncles. I never knew my grandfather's ... One died aged 49 the other when I was 3! And my sister lost a baby at 35 weeks... Luckily for me we are all in good health, but you can't help feeling guilty that it happens to someone else. Try and console yourself with friends or embrace your writing ... That's what I do and it really helps...xx
by Barb 1 year ago

Thinking of you, Tors. Your friend is lucky to have you.
by Gels 1 year ago

We are all here for you , Tors, and in our thoughts, as others have said your friends are luck to have you, stay strong. xxx
by Liss 1 year ago

Death is horrendous Tors and I wish you all the strength and courage to deal with the pain xx
by John Taylor 1 year ago

With you, Tors. And praying for strength for you, sleep when you need it, and good friends to surround you, your friend and her mother. Friendship and love are stronger than death. Death happens, but love can grow and spread and transform. Keep well. J x
by Mcallan 1 year ago

Hey Tors, like everyone says, your cloudy friends are with you whenever you need to chat. Stay strong x
by Ro 1 year ago

I really don't know what to say, but I'm adding my arms to the collective cloudie hug and thinking of you xxx
by Heather 1 year ago

So sorry to hear this Tors. I hope your friendship brings some comfort to your friend. Hugs xxx
by Gerry 1 year ago

If I remember rightly, you're a nurse, so you'll probably have a better perspective on all this than most of us. There again, it's bound to be different when it's about people close to you. Wish I could say something more to help, but like the rest of the Cloudies I believe in you and what you can do for your friend.
by TonyGetsLost 1 year ago

So sorry to hear about this Tors. About the curse though, it really is just the way a mind works - looking for patterns, then finding everything that supports the pattern and rejecting what doesn't. Don't wind yourself up even more by worrying that the two things are associated. It's just that these things are more traumatic when he isn't here to help you through them, so you remember them more keenly. It will happen to all of us, and to the terminally ill quicker than most. If he gets back before she passes on you'll forget all about the curse idea - until he's away again, when your mind will discount the last one and cause you to worry all over again! Best to convince yourself that this, though sad, is nature, and the older you get the more people you'll know who die or are touched by death. My poor Grandad - now 87 - used to joke that he saw his friends more often than not at funerals! Now he's the last one left. Knowing more people who are suffering just means you know lots of people, so at any point some of them are having trouble. And knowing lots of people means you are spreading plenty of love around, especially on those troubles, which is what life's all about I think.
Be brave babe.
xx
by Tony 1 year ago

Tors, I was rushing last night to answer you before my battery ran out on my laptop, or I would have said more, but my namesake has just said it. I won't repeat it, but Tony's right. No curse, just life. I hope your husband will be able to come home soon and that you'll have great trimes of comfort together.
by Gerilyn 1 year ago

Great big hugs, Tors. It must be really hard for you when your husband is away- I hope that the responses in this blog go some of the way to bridging the gap- although nothing can compare to getting a big squeeze from your fella- but never the less add my arms to those of your other cloudie friends. xxx
by Dizzy 1 year ago

I can't commet really, or pretend i can, all i can do is hope that you and yoiur friend get through these difficult times and lean on each other, (because friends can make all the difference) But when reality is giving you a curve ball, what i do is put my anxious feelings into my writing, and my positive towards those i love and care about. I hope you can find a similar comfort in your craft( ie the writing) and in your friend. I hope your husband gets back soon so your spirits can rest easy.
Il wish on a star tonight for you and your friend, your fellow writer Denis xx
by Stephy 1 year ago

Sorry to hear your sad news. As so many others have said, I'm here for you, hon. Wishing you strength and hugs xxx
by Autumn 1 year ago

tors, so sorry you're having such a tough time hun. Adding my hugs to those of all your cloudie friends. Be strong for your friend,i am sure your friendship will help her no end. Xxx
by Natalie James (Tors) 1 year ago

Cloudies, you are truely wonderful people. I read your words at the time but couldn't formulate a sutible response until now.
Mary died at 08.00 Saturday morning, I hope you don't take this wrong, but I'm glad it came so quickly and she didn't suffer for too long. She passed at home with her eldest daughter (my friend) and her husband at her side. Her middle daughter kept the youngest (seven years old) occupied as she said she didn't want to be there when mummy went. I've spent several hours on the phone to my friend since and offered to travel back up, but she said she would prefer it if we ddin't because of family, which of course I understood but stressed anytime night or day to call me.
My husband got home Saturday night and I burst out crying the second he walked through the door (I wasn't expecting him because he hadn't told me he was coming home - pesky bugger), because I knew I no longer had to cope alone. He might not be back for long but for once he came home in the moment I needed him.
xxx
by Tony 1 year ago

We can rejoice for answered prayers, Tors. I know just what you mean about your friend's quick end; it really has to be much better that way. Her family, of course, still need the comfort of each other and you to help them in their loss, but it would only have been worse if it was drawn out. And you have you husband back home, too! Isn't that wonderful? Bless you, Tors.
by Barb 1 year ago

Thinking of you this morning, Tors. Good to come on and read your update and hear that you're not alone at the moment.
by Gerry 1 year ago

Delighted that your husband arrived back when you needed him. The chance of a good cry must have been really valuable - we wouldn't want you carrying that stress around without having the chance to relieve it.
by John Taylor 1 year ago

Wonderful that he's back, Tors. Wishing you, your husband and your friends all the strength you need. Don't forget to have a good shout about it if you need to – anger is part of caring. xxx
by Mcallan 1 year ago

Great that he is back Tors...see...us men can do incredible unpredictable things!
by Noodledoodle 1 year ago

Just picked up on your blog Tors. Just goes to show the power of prayer, especially when it comes from the clouds. Keep strong.
by Bren 1 year ago

It is great news that your husband is home with you now. I am so pleased that you are getting some support especially when you have been so giving of yourself. Your friend will have a lot to think about and do at the moment but I expect there will be times when she will need you in the future. Bless you Tors.