The truth will set you free...
I have to say, there are some topics which i automatically avoid
when talking to strangers about myself. There are probably quite a
few who will agree when I say the top two are relationships and
religion.
I have to start with religion for this blog to make sense. I'm a christian- baptist for those who are interested. I belive in the Big Bang and the cosmology story. I belive that there is an all-loving God who (for reasons i still haven't worked out) loves me completely and utterly, even when I'm getting everything as wrong as I possibly can. I don't understand why non-christains believe that because you're christian, you have all the answers and can do no wrong. I'm still learning myself, I'm still human and humans make mistakes. I don't pretend to be God- I don't have all the answers but I try to help people when I can. I have to admit; I don't actually know the difference between Roman Catholic, Church of England and Catholic- if there is even a difference.
I have always been a christian. I was brought up in a christian family, decided to get baptised at 7 years old and do not regret it. I am a hardworking, happy- if a little crazy- teenager with a whole future in front of me. Once, when I was in a very bad place in my life, I saw what I would be without God; I would be a depressed emo, at the bottom of the class, I would hate life and all that my future held would be misery and death.At every step of the way, God has been in my life and has worked miracles on me. One of these miracles I want to share. It was to do with relationships.
I have never been in a relationship. I've never had a boyfriend (or a girlfriend- I'm not batting for that team, though i have nothing against those who are). I have, however, had a broken heart. Two in fact. I always get weird looks when I admit this, even to my closest friends. I don't go searching for guys to throw my heart at, I don't enjoy the feeling, I can't control it.
The first time, I was at a christian summer camp. I had gone with another church as my church's teenagers consisted of me and my sister. There was a gorgeous boy in the group as well who, for this account I will call Jay. Jay was a normal teenage boy with a large ego to go with it. I was increadibly shy and couldn't say anything to him without stammering so I tended not to say anything. I hadn't really realised what was going on as nothing like this had ever happened to me before. One day, my sister came running up to me and told me that she and jay were officially going out. I smiled and congratulated her, then went into my tent and cried. If anyone doesn't know what a broken heart feels like- it's pretty self-explanitory. My heart felt like it had been ripped to shreds in my chest. I kept as quiet as i could because tents aren't soundproof and no one heard me. I dried my face and kept out of everyone's way as much as possible as we ate dinner and went down to the evening service.
During the pray session, the leader asked if anyone needed healing. I certainly did, so I stood up for prayer. As the people around me started praying, I sent up my own prayer begging god to heal my heart for my sister's sake. I didn't want my pain to hurt her. I was beyond caring for myself- the damage was done. Suddenly the pain went and i was able to breath. I started laughing from relief. I laughed and laughed- and then fell over from lack of oxygen. The people left me when i was breathing normally again and then the tears started flowing. I was glad I was left to cry in piece. Healing a broken heart hurts more than breaking it, but it was worth it because I didn't ruin her relationship (he did, but that's beside the point).
I don't mind sharing this now because the scars have healed. I just wanted to reasure people out there that talking is hard, but God can always help even when none of us know much about him at all.
I have to start with religion for this blog to make sense. I'm a christian- baptist for those who are interested. I belive in the Big Bang and the cosmology story. I belive that there is an all-loving God who (for reasons i still haven't worked out) loves me completely and utterly, even when I'm getting everything as wrong as I possibly can. I don't understand why non-christains believe that because you're christian, you have all the answers and can do no wrong. I'm still learning myself, I'm still human and humans make mistakes. I don't pretend to be God- I don't have all the answers but I try to help people when I can. I have to admit; I don't actually know the difference between Roman Catholic, Church of England and Catholic- if there is even a difference.
I have always been a christian. I was brought up in a christian family, decided to get baptised at 7 years old and do not regret it. I am a hardworking, happy- if a little crazy- teenager with a whole future in front of me. Once, when I was in a very bad place in my life, I saw what I would be without God; I would be a depressed emo, at the bottom of the class, I would hate life and all that my future held would be misery and death.At every step of the way, God has been in my life and has worked miracles on me. One of these miracles I want to share. It was to do with relationships.
I have never been in a relationship. I've never had a boyfriend (or a girlfriend- I'm not batting for that team, though i have nothing against those who are). I have, however, had a broken heart. Two in fact. I always get weird looks when I admit this, even to my closest friends. I don't go searching for guys to throw my heart at, I don't enjoy the feeling, I can't control it.
The first time, I was at a christian summer camp. I had gone with another church as my church's teenagers consisted of me and my sister. There was a gorgeous boy in the group as well who, for this account I will call Jay. Jay was a normal teenage boy with a large ego to go with it. I was increadibly shy and couldn't say anything to him without stammering so I tended not to say anything. I hadn't really realised what was going on as nothing like this had ever happened to me before. One day, my sister came running up to me and told me that she and jay were officially going out. I smiled and congratulated her, then went into my tent and cried. If anyone doesn't know what a broken heart feels like- it's pretty self-explanitory. My heart felt like it had been ripped to shreds in my chest. I kept as quiet as i could because tents aren't soundproof and no one heard me. I dried my face and kept out of everyone's way as much as possible as we ate dinner and went down to the evening service.
During the pray session, the leader asked if anyone needed healing. I certainly did, so I stood up for prayer. As the people around me started praying, I sent up my own prayer begging god to heal my heart for my sister's sake. I didn't want my pain to hurt her. I was beyond caring for myself- the damage was done. Suddenly the pain went and i was able to breath. I started laughing from relief. I laughed and laughed- and then fell over from lack of oxygen. The people left me when i was breathing normally again and then the tears started flowing. I was glad I was left to cry in piece. Healing a broken heart hurts more than breaking it, but it was worth it because I didn't ruin her relationship (he did, but that's beside the point).
I don't mind sharing this now because the scars have healed. I just wanted to reasure people out there that talking is hard, but God can always help even when none of us know much about him at all.
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39 Comments
I'm interested in your wording there. Why do you call it a theory? I'm guessing you don't belive in God then, why not? Don't answer if you don't want to, I'm just nosy and love a good theological debate :P
Our society is heavily into the left brain, so I would naturally expect people to question your experience and theorise about it. But, as I say, your theory is as good as any, and better than some.
As for me, what do I believe? My right brain believes everything. My left brain says, hang on, what do you mean by that? (So my right brain says shut up: stop Doing and Be!) (So my left brain says define Be.) And so on.
I enjoy them.
Gerry: To be honest, I think my left brain is asleep during events and only afterwards starts asking what the heck just happened. All I know is that this is just one example of the times God has helped me- or if you prefer, this theory has more evidence :P He has spoken to me in so many ways, it would be impossible for anyone in my place to deny the existance of God in my life. Maybe I should refine my question: do you believe in a God/ divine power? Why?
Mythwriter: I love these quotes :) The past has made me more cautious, and more determined to find someone who likes me for me. I know that no one is perfect and I wouldn't want someone who was (that would just make me feel horrible about myself :P). I'm also more determined to never be in that place again. I will learn from the past but not repeating it. My fav quote at the moment is "When God closes the door, somewhere he opens a window."
I went to many prayer groups and stuff as a teenager and it was spiritual for a while but it all ended in heartache - why did some people seem to think that because they went to church and their sins would be forgiven, they could act like complete xxxxxxx - oh, it says it on the bible...right!
Anyway, I'm glad it helped you (turning to God) - it used to help me too, when I was a teenager and didn't know who to turn to. Now, if I have a problem I work it out myself...I am a good person with good moral values, a lot more than can be said for religious people.
Faith is about who you are, not what religion you follow - and as for God - jury's out!
But, hey thanks for sharing...just try to bear in mind that because someone does not believe in God, it does not make them a lesser person...:)
Thanks for clearing up that confusion of denominations- it's bugged me for years :)
What wonderful, loving God could allow such things to happen?
I don't get it!!! So, like I said I believe in having good values - and the best thing written in the bible was the Ten Commandments...
He can not -only- be love, that would go against his other traits. We have free will, so we do cause a lot of the trouble ourselves. and lastly, God does have a plan for us all, and sometimes that requires letting bad things happen to get our attention. If everything in the world were all 'happy go lucky,' we would have no reason to turn to Him.
Again, I apologize, didn't mean to preach, but that is my own belief from my studies. I hope it explains things and I am sorry if it doesn't help you feel any better, but it's the truth I've come to find and I am content on simply leaning on Him.
Islander8, I have to disagree with you on the best thing in the bible. I belive the best, and most significant part, of the bible is john 3 v15 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever belives in him shall not die but have eternal life." I'm really sorry for your family's loss. However, I do belive God has a plan for your life, your sisters life and he's having a party with your cousin. Another bible quote- "For i know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope for the future." I know it's always hard to move on when something bad happens (my Grandmother had a stroke and died about 10 years ago), but God has a plan, he only wants to keep you safe. But we have free will to move away from him, and often choose to, and unfortunately he's not the only one out there. The Devil does not want you to be happy and will set out to ruin the world.
God wants to help us, but he has to wait until we ask for help- after all, if he helped us all the time, where would be the free will?
I don't agree with warfare of any kind (I have to admit, arguements always make me cry even when I'm part of one). I think the human race just needs to own up to what it's doing wrong and be willing to change, although i know this will probably never happen.
As, for Karma...come on, why should my sister suffer because someone else does something bad. Bah humbug...I have studied the bible, I know what it says, I used to go to prayer groups and I used to be very religious...I know you will feel sorry for me because I have lost my faith, but don't. I am happy - I don't judge every decision I or others make every day...Jesus accepted everyone, regardless of religion. That is how I choose to lead my life.
By the way, the bible was written by man!
I don't belive in karma, I don't think your sister suffers because of anyone's bad doings including her own... but i'll stop. Again, apologies that it cut too close to the bone. I admire anyone who stays strong in this life, it ain't always easy :)
by the way, I know :) Parts of it were written more that 200 years after Jesus' death as well :P
Islander, there must be a tendency for those who have been brain-washed from birth to become blinded by their religion. How did it feel when you opened your eyes?
http://www.csw.org.uk/home.htm
I think it kind of puts our little differences into perspective.
We have just received a report from our source in Iran that a judge has agreed to overturn Christian Pastor Youcef Nadarkhani’s death penalty sentence. However, at this time, ACLJ representatives have not received official notice from the court and are working to confirm this report. By no means does this mean that Pastor Youcef will be set free without some additional punishment, potentially a long jail sentence or worse.
The ACLJ will continue to pressure the U.S. government, United Nations, and Iranian government to prevent this execution until we have absolute confirmation that his death sentence has been overturned and he has been released from prison. Please continue to pray for Pastor Youcef, his family, and his legal team in Iran.
I pursue love, happiness, and peace - but never religion.
God isn't a big white guy in the sky, He's every moment that you actually feel alive.
Am I going to burn in Hell for an eternity?
I'm glad your heart was healed. In early teens we suffer such heart-break quite often because the effect of hormones is new to us and we mistake instant physical attraction for falling in love. Perhaps by praying you realised that your love of God was worth more in your life than a passing fancy?
Another expresion common and relevent to me is "no athiests in foxholes..." relating to whispering a little prayer when things go wrong, from being in a damaged aircraft to watching my ill grandson in a hospital bed. Did it help? Well, it didn't hurt.......
But i believe also that it is a deeply personal matter and no-one wants it shoved in their face.
Faith/ Karma, spiritualism is something no one can give you, you have to figure it out for yourself.
Peace, love and free parking...
OFP
I hope you see where I'm coming from - when I was 16, I also turned to God since I was lost and depressed. It did help at first, but in the end I though I was going crazy...everything was don't this, don't that...that's just my experience!
So you scrap the whole concept based on getting a slapped hand from a pompous vicar?
Astonishing.
I love Tony's story of the Iranian Christain. People prayed for him, and now he may live. He wasn't afraid to stand up for what he belives in.
No one ever said that religion was easy; most of the time, it's the harder road.
Ron, I have to say it wasn't a hysterical moment, the crying and laughter did not happen together, or even near each other. I cried when I first heard, then pulled myself together. About an hour after, I was prayed for and God took my pain (he took every burden i had and I laughed at the ability to breathe), then it was about another half an hour before he began healing me, the pain making me cry. That day was just the beginning of the proccess, he was still healing me months afterwards.
OFP, I loved your "Peace, Love and free parking" comment, after all god doesn't try to make our lives difficult, we do that easily enough on our own :P I do however frown at your last comment because it sounds a bit harsh- it may not have been the vicar. I do wonder if Islander8 has tried a different kind of church? If you feel too rebuked, why not try a different denomination? Just a thought :)
I heard a great story recently of an atheist, will have to find it and post it...
I will apologise for the title of it in advance, I did not make it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m989v49WNsw&feature=related
Enjoy!
Cheerio
Latest on Pastor Nadarkhani: It seems Iran has denied the reports that his death sentence has been remitted. He did, indeed, as expected, continue to refuse to renounce his faith and his life still hangs in the balance.
My point in posting this story was not to highlight so-called religious intollerence that someone alluded to above, but rather to show just how 'life and death' important our relationship with God is. And to rejoice in our freedom in this country to discuss him openly. But, please, don't dismiss him flipantly. Death is one issue - it could be sooner for the Pastor, or probably later for most of us, but it will come - and then eternity (and that's an awful lot longer than life); to be spent with God, as everyone, without exception, has the opportunity of choosing here and now - or isolated from him for ever, if that's what we choose, or we choose to ignor or disbelieve his offer and do nothing.
How do you know that God took away your pain? It seems to me that actually your heart wasn't broken- you were 'put out' for a while. Had your heart been broken you wouldn't have been able to get over it so quickly.
Having been heart broken myself on a few occassions, and not just as a result of a teenage crush, I know that in reality, a truly broken heart can take months if not years to heal. My most recent heart break will never heal- and I really don't think any amount of praying to God will help.
Gerilyn, I suppose I haven't told the whole story here, which is where you might be confusing this with an ordinary crush. My heart wasn't healed in one go, the pain left me for a while so I could be happy for my sister. My heart took more than a year form hardened scars. I only started talking about this last year when I was strong enough to talk without falling to pieces. I can't say the exact time when I could face it full on because after about a year I broke my heart again, and that's still far too new to touch yet.
God helped with the healing proccess but the first thing I asked him for was to take the pain so I could be happy for my sister, and that was exactly what he did.
A thought to end: "Knock and the door will be opened"- God wants to help you, he's just waiting for you to ask, after all- it won't hurt to try :)
I just want to send Gerilyn virtual hugs and to say that while I don't know what you're going through, I hear that you're hurting, girl, and I imagine that you have found good ways to deal with the pain. The only thing that can mend a broken heart is time, time to scab over the wound, and then there is always the hope that the scar won't be too bad. And, no, I don't think praying helps either, but if it helps those who believe in it, that's good enough for me.
Jellz...when I was 16 my first serious boyfriend, who I thought I was completely in love with, came back from a two week retreat 'in love' with someone else...it hurt like hell, the way he looked at her...I knew without him saying a word! But, you know what, a few years later I met my husband and then I thought - oops, what a fool was I - the other guy was an idiot...
Corinthians...Love is blind!
Anyway, chin up - you'll get over your pain...we all do in the end. If God helps you - great, he does work in mysterious ways...
Your blog has brought up an issue that I have not discussed in ages - God, Jesus, faith, etc...I try to hide it away but it always finds me in the end. The irony is - maybe that's his plan, to get me back. I'm actually in the process of organising a fundraiser for a pre-school at Christmas in a baptist church. So, as you see life has a funny way...
Don't let other people's views influence your own, stand firm to what you believe, and just be a good person. Like I always say - i don't do drugs, don't smoke, don't swear (most of the time), volunteer for organisations needing help, and try to be a good person. Surely, if I don't go to church - I'll still get to heaven! I won't go to hell because I say I don't know if there is a God - no-one can actually prove it. Unless, you can time travel and show me Jesus ascending to the Heavens...changing two fish and some loaves of bread to feed the masses...and prove Mary was a virgin.
Simple, right? :)
What does a lone sheep mean to you?
Love may be blind, but you don't have to be. You love a person for their faults as well as what they do well. Go in with your eyes open and it won't fall apart. Mathew... "And if the blind lead the blind both shall fall into a ditch" :P
I'm glad you're looking at religion again- even if it was unintentional :P
Not going to church doesn't mean you won't go to heaven. Not unbeliving in God doesn't really count- you can't get into heaven on a technicality that there might be a God.
If i took you back and showed you these things, if I could prove it, where would be the belief? And even the diciples who saw these miracles doubted God sometimes.
If God wanted me to, then I belive it would be simple- after all, my faith can move mountains :P
Ron, no worries :) I made a complete hash of my attempt to tell a boy I liked him after this so I'm just stuck for what I do if he doesn't come up to me and asks me out. I will have a look, thanks for the heads up :)
Good stuff. As for going to hell or heaven, you're there already, I'd say, or more likely oscillating between the two. We all know what hell feels like - we can torture ourselves plenty - and we all know what heaven feels like - one of those big long out-breaths 'Aah' like when you're on top of a hill or when things turn out all right.
And gender - of course God is a woman - and a man - and a dolphin - and a force - and fire - and Mind - and, well, you get the idea...
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