What do I say?

Need more help?

Get feedback on your writing.
Get assistance with finding literary agents.
Get help writing for children.
Sign up for one of our online creative writing courses
Get free advice on How to Write a Book.
Find out How To Get Published.
Explore the best book on Getting Published.
Don't miss our Festival of Writing.
If you're still stuck, then contact us.

The Writers' Workshop is run by writers for writers. We're here to help.

Published by: mockingbird on 14th Jul 2009 | View all blogs by mockingbird

There has been a lot of recent discussion on the cloud about bi polar disorder or whatever you want to call it. Lots of people have had some connection with it - or even have it. But would you be kind enough to give me a little bit of simple advice please?

It turns out that the long term partner of one of my in - laws family has this. In fact has had it for years, but apart from a period about four years ago when the drug companies stopped making her particular drug - and she was ill for months in hospital as a result, things have been fine. And you would not have known there was anything wrong on the few major family get togethers we had....

For whatever reason of her own she has stopped taking her medication - and is now back in hospital because of it. She is not in a good way, delusional etc - but she is asking to see me, and I want to go as I am very fond of her - and will help in any way. But when I get into her room how do I start.... what do I say? Beyond a good cuddle and the mundane 'how-are-you- today?' type questions what really is best for her? Please reply asap as I am due to go in a couple of days......

Comments

10 Comments

by lennich 2 years ago

It depends on what her personality is. That remains whatever the apparent drastic changes.

So humour might work ('ya mad bitch') for some folk, but might be disastrous for others.

Since she is asking for you there is some quality about you that she wants, so be as natural as possible.
by JM 2 years ago

Everybody will have their own opinion of 'the best course of action' you should try during your visit, but all I will suggest, and this is only a suggestion, would be to simply be yourself and treat her how you would normally. Their are no set 'rules' for what you should say.

You can't envisage how the interaction will exactly pan out, because of her current state of health, but she obviously cares for you, as you do her, so try to be as normal as possible under the circumstances.
by mockingbird 2 years ago

thanks lennich - being me I can manage. But the first words when I see her..... thats worrying me a little...
by lennich 2 years ago

Ah, the nice people always worry too much about doing the right thing.

Try not to get anxious about it because I'd bet that part of what your friend values is that 'mumsie' quality you mentioned. And if you do get a bit anxious then don't show it. An appearance of confidence and basic human warmth should be good. Be prepared for bizarre reactions to things you might say. The hospital treatment may cause that as also the illness.
by Kate.J 2 years ago

Just be yourself, and don't take it personally if she doesn't respond appropriately. Say everyday things like "Hi, how are you, what's the food like? Nice/awful/interesting view/room/decor" etc. As Iennich said, "basic human warmth" is the most important thing.
by mike 2 years ago

Just be yourself.
by mike 2 years ago

Dear Mockingbird
It might well be too late, but there is a good book on this. I lost where I posted it, but have found the book on Amazon. The library now runs a service called 'books on Prescription' and the borrowers are sent to the library by their G.P Most people - though very few use the service - come in for books on depression. My own recommendation would be learn to play the piano, go for long walks. try and keep a job and keep off the booze. I don't seem able to keep off the latter.

Living with a Black Dog by Matthew Johnstone (Paperback - 29 Jan 2009)
Buy new: £7.99 £5.49
19 Used & new from £3.44
Get it by Wednesday, Jul 15 if you order in the next 10 hours and choose express delivery.
Eligible for FREE Super Saver Delivery.
(17)

Books: See all 1,775 items
by John Duffus 2 years ago

I think that what people cannot tolerate is silence. It makes us uncomfortable, always wanting to fill the void with human chatter, however inane. In situations like this, I am always bereft of ideas or things to say - it all sounds so trite when you hear yourself going through the motions just to make 'small-talk'. I can nver do it. There are two options. 1. Adjust to, and learn to accept or even enjoy the silence. 2. Come armed with writing, your own or favoured texts, and read aloud the things that move you in the slight hope that some of it may move them. Failing this, you can always play a one-sided game of I-Spy. Its cruel I know,but words can be the source of our limitations as well as the means to enrich & enoble our lives. Humour is good, but it is sometimes hard to see humour in what is a bleak situation.
by mockingbird 2 years ago

I really appreciate all this - and thank you Mike, a new book for my collection......
by Travis Gosselin 2 years ago

Confirm her sanity by telling her about how insane the world is outside. The worst part of having a mental illness is feeling 'different' when you're among you peers. Help her to reverse this outlook, if she hasn't already. The most 'upstanding' people in our society are some of the most twisted I have seen. They're like ugly tramps when brought under a halogen light. The mind is a separate element from the body and soul, so focus on healing the soul, which is the only part of us that could ever possibly be eternal. The mind and body will eventually go away, so there's no point in vesting too much of ourselves in healing them. Good luck and best wishes, Mockingbird.

P.S. I'm not what you would call a subscriber to the Bible, but my friend drew my attention towards this verse that I found to be brutally hilarious:

2 Kings 2:23-24 (New International Version)

Elisha Is Jeered
23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.