The Word Cloud

Now then folks. Here in Mcallan Mansions it is a tradition that the master of the house (that's me...shhhh...don't tell Mrs Mac!) has to read old Charlies 'A Christmas Carol'.

If I don't get it read by Christmas Eve, then Christmas just wont happen.  Now, I'm not talking about my own family Christmas; I'm talking about everyone's feckin' Christmas!

That's right...if I don't get the thing finished, then the whole thing is off!  Turkey/goose, pigs in blankets, mince pies (yuk)...they will all vanish...AND...no pressies for anyone!

Normally I have it done and dusted by now....but this year, what with one thing and another, I haven't even started it yet!  The main reason being that I lost my well thumbed copy in the house move! (maybe the removal men nicked it!)

Ok....I hear you say it's only a hundred pages or so...but it's not that simple.  I have to read it at home by the fire with a glass or two of malt, reading it at work in quiter moments just doesn't count.  So, you holler, there are still plenty of evenings left...but there aren't!  It's festive pub quiz tomorrow and party the night after...then it's Christmas Eve!

*Mac scurries off to read....and pour more whisky!*

Mac x

So, on Saturday night we went out for a big family meal in Alnwick;  son and wife (still feels odd saying that!) youngest son and his partner, bro and sis in law and Mrs Mac and I.  We called for a beer in the pub where I sing once a month with my mate.

I buys the beers and we find a table and its very christmassy, ya know! I'm halfway down my pint when over the hubub I hear music on the jukebox...It's only little old me singing!

My mate must have dropped off one of our 'Pidders Pot' cd's to the landlord and he'd put it on the jukebox, and some complete stranger had actually paid money to hear it!.,..they didn't demand a refund either.

To say I was chuffed is an understatement.  It's quite summat to hear yourself on a  jukebox.  Of course I began to harmonise along with myself, much to the embarrassment of my sons.  They said I didn't have to sing along just so folks would know it was me!..(they love me really)

I'm gonna stand by the jukebox in future and drop subtle hints about which music people should choose.

Mac x 

Hi folks....now this isn't meant to be a sad blog, and it isn't really, just saddish.

My much loved mother in law passed away last Wednesday afternoon. It was  a peacful end, and my wife and brother were with her as she slept away; eighty eight was a decent innings I guess.

We visited the cemetry on Thursday to leave flowers on the grave of my father in law, and Jenny will be laid next to him.  I like cemetries and this one is set away from the village surrounded by farmland with a distant view of the sea.  

I had a wander amongst the headstones, some old and some not so.  Many of the names were very familar; old village stalwarts who have held up the bar in the local pubs whilst regailing tourists with outlandish tales of village folklore. It was good to see them, and re-assuring too.  The grave alongside belongs to their neighbours who lived next door to them for over 40 years, and it's nice that they are all together again, wherever they may be.

It's not such a bad place to end up.
Mac x 

I hi'jacked Alan's blog about the irritating wildlife progs with my musings on imaginary dinner party guests.

My guests would be: David Attenborough,  Michael Palin,  Roy Hud,  Barry Cryer (I'd just leave these two alone to natter about  jokes they have known) 
 Jonanna Lumley to whisper in my ear,   Pamela Stephenson (nicked form Alan's party( 'cos she's dead sexy and will talk about sex)....though if it's on different nights it's not a prob!)

So come one folks.  It's like a Desert Island Discs...sort of..who would you invite?

Mac

So, this morning the postman brings me one of those nice brown envelopes.  Don't you just love your Monday morning starting like that!

Well, I ignored it for a while as I sipped my first coffee of the day. I was actually on the Cloud minding my own business ... and I SWEAR the envelope crept closer and closer!....so I weakened and opened it.

It said I hadn't paid my VAT bill for the last quarter and if I did it again I would be surcharged (as fun as that sounds I'm not sure I want to be done to my person)  

So, I digs out my copies and sure enough I had paid it within the dates specified.  Ahhh...but there is the rub!   I pay online and when you do you are given  a few days extra in which to submit the payment in.  So of course I always take it to the wire; mainly 'cos I object to being an unpaid goverment tax collector!

I girded my wotsits and called the helpline.  After negotiating the longest fookin' menu I'd heard, and taking a few wrong turns, I found myself talking to a very pleasant young man.  I explained my situation, calmly, and said that paying online lets me have a few extra days in which to submit.  Ah yes, says he, but you should always pay at least 4 days before that final date!

I lost it then a little.  I mean what is the fookin' point of having a due date if you have to pay it a few fookin' days before the final date fookin' due date!!!

They had received my payment by the way, a few days after the final due date, and no I wouldn't be surcharged.   

Here's me thinking that by paying online it was immediate! How silly of me!

I need a lie down in a darkened room!
Mac

ps inbetween writing this and posting it I've just had two young Australian girls in the shop buying a postcard each (steak tonight eh!!) They asked me if there were any nice shops to look at in the town.  I said yes, plenty, including mine!  They turned round and left!  gits!!
Pass the whisky!
Mac 

Phew!  That's it, all done and dusted.  Laughter and tears and a whole range of emotions.  And that was just watching the bloody rugby on the morning of the wedding!

The night before I took all of our clan to mates pub for dinner.  We aren't a huge family, I suppose about average.  After the meal we had arranged to drive into Alnwick to meet the bride's clan from Dublin.

Now, I have drunk with the occasional Irishman before, and it was fine.  Except now there were twenty of so of them.  Gawd they are noisy!  All of the craic was centered on one thing ... the rugby in the morning!  For the unfamilar there is a World Cup going on down under and Ireland were playing Wales and England were playing France on the 'morrow.  We all confidently expected to be playing each other next Saturday in the semi's.

So next morning I cooked scrambled eggs and toast with smoked salmon and champers as we settled down to watch both games.  Someone obviously hadn't told the French and Welsh about this 'cos they stuffed us both!  (apologies to my Welsh friends on here!  We're rooting for you now ... honest!)

Then we had to get dressed.  This must be the one and only time it took longer for the men to dress than the women.  I haven't worn a full dress kilt for thirty years of more and I'd forgotten what a faff it is!  All of the buckles and pins and tucking etc!  But it was worth it.

 The groom is between myself and Captain Matt.
After this pic we set off to walk to the church via a pub for a wee dram.  I was great fun walking through the town ... we stopped the traffic!
 We did reach the church in good time eventually.  It was such a thrill to see all of the friends and family gathered together for a happy occasion.  All of my choir crew were there too to sing during the signing of the registar.

My only real lip wobble moment (well one of them) was when when Clare appeared.  She looked so happy and beautiful it took a huge effort to control myself.  The stand in vicar was a star too and the cheer that rent the church when he announced them man and wife was amazing (another lip wobble moment!)  Then the choir sang.  Normally I would be in the front row with them, so I have never actually heard them sing before.  They are bloody good! (maybe it's 'cos I wasn't singing with them!)  Another lip wobble moment.  In fact I had to look away from them as I don't think it would have looked good for the grooms father to be in floods of tears when his choir is singing!
 When we left the church it had started to drizzle a bit, but nothing drastic.  To be honest it was very Autumnal with umbrella's and some woodsmoke drifting up from a fire in a garden.  
 Mrs Mac in grey and my best mates wife.  They get bonnier every day!


The beautiful bride.



I must point out the Japanese tourists in the background...they had never seen anything like it!

The bouquet was caught by the bride's younger sister, although I'm not sure it was in her hands long enough to qualify as a catch.  She flung it straight back over her head in horror!

The girls used to do Irish dancing years ago and it didn't take much to drag them onto the floor with the floor with the ceilidh band!
As father of the groom I was not expected to give a speech.  The bride's father was superb, as was the grooms.  As for the best men ... we'll gloss over that!
Clare did ask me half-way through the night if I would sing a song.  My best mate and I had no guitars there so we sang them a couple of acappella numbers.  Bear in mind we had been drinking, but we thought it sounded fine!
I read OFP's words of advice on my privious blog this morning and by chance seem to have followed most of his tips.  I gave my wallet to the barman and asked him to let me have it back when it was empty!
Mrs Mac and I are escaping to the lakes next weekend for a few days debauchery!
So that's it!  I promise I wont mention the wedding ever again!
ps.  (oops I fibbed) this last pic here was meant to appear earlier in the blog but my finger slipped!
Cheers and thanks for all of your well wishes.  It really is much appreciated!
Mac x

So last night was the wedding rehearsal for the big day on Saturday.  Now, back in the day, we never had such things.  It was a case of turn up, say a few 'I do's', sing some hymns then off to the bun fight!  Far simpler.

When we were married it took us six weeks from announcing it to finding a venue and local church and doing the deed.  This wedding has taken two years!

I don't blame the happy couple at all though.  I blame the wedding industry. When did it begin, this total wedding makeover?  I suspect it is another American thing foisted upon us.  To be fair, with the size of the bride's Irish family there was no way this could be a small affair.  And I have never known a couple with so many good friends who all have to be there.  As the bride's father said last night over a pint of Guiness 'Clare has invited everyone she has ever met!'

At the last count there will be 180 in the church.  It should add volume to the singing anyway!

As we were crowded into this tiny pub last night I looked around at all of the happy smiling faces, many of whom I had never met before.  I have a feeling I am going to make a lot of new friends myself this weekend.

One slight fly in the ointment however.  The vicar has been changed.  The original lady vicar fell yesterday and has a black eye and mild concussion, so they have called up the reserve!  He is retired and bless him doesn't seem to have the best memory.  It should be interesting.

Oh and apparently it's going to rain, but we don't care.  It'll still be a stonking day!

Mac
 

Well I survived the medieval wedding relatively unscathed with only a few more notches on my sword!

'Twas a great night and everyone made such an effort with the costumes.  So one down and one to go next weekend .....and the good news is ... my beard has been given a stay of execution!

This morning we had to do a final fitting for our kilts for son's wedding.  When I appeared resplendent in full regalia the consensus was that, actually, the beard suited the kilt ... especially the sporran! So Yay for beard!

Trying to upload some pics here but it keeps cutting bits of me off!

Mac x

This weekend sees the start of a hectic period in the Mcallan Mansion.  One of my bestest mates runs a pub nearby (free beer has been known!)  His daughter is getting married on Saturday and the service and reception will naturally be at the pub and in a marquee.

Now for some reason the lovely bride to be has decided on a medieval theme for the occasion.  Now, our particular band of friends has never been shy when it c0mes to dressing up; either for themed murder mystery nights, Burns Nights, or just for the hell of it!  So when this was announced sewing were brought out from attics or from under stairs, charity shops were raided for suitable curtain material and frantic creative activity took place.  Not from me I hasten to add ... I have just grown a beard and bought a sword 'cos I'm going as a Knight Hospitaller!   Not just me either, my eldest son, his brother and partner are all going simalarily kitted out.  

Mrs Mac has been very busy and created some pretty authentic costumes for these errant knights from Jerusalem and also made two superb medieval dresses for herself and eldest son's fiance....they look absolutely amazing.  Everyone else has been busy too ....my best mate's wife has even made him some leather curlyish toed shoes for his minstrel outfit!  (bet he wishes he was going as Knight though!) 

Then the following weekend eldest son and fiance get married!!  This will be a much more traditional affair ... although this dressing up bug has still bitten ... my two sons and I are wearing Northumberland tartan kilts!

There will be pics galore no doubt so watch this apace.

ps...Mrs Mac insists the beard has to come off for the second wedding.  Which is a shame 'cos I'm getting quite attached to it!
Mac 

This weekend past eldest son came to stay with us on Saturday night.  His fiance was away on her hen weekend in Harrogate,  so it should have been a fairly civilised affair.  I believe one of the activities was dressing up in hats and frocks and pearls for tea at 'Betty's' ...(the night time is them all dressed as Lady Ga Ga for a club ... I know which pic I'd rather see!)
Anyway ... I digress.

So ... I come home from work and see that son has been sitting in the chair I normally use for tv watching.  His mobile is on the chair arm and there is a bottle of Stella on the coffee table.  Now this chair is nothing special.  It's the same as the others, just better positioned.  No glare from the lamps on the screen, frontal view, table near by for remotes etc ... (by the way we call them 'zoomers' in our house!)

We sit at the dinning table to eat; very civilised, bottle of wine and good chat.  We wash up and decide to have a slobs night and watch all the crap on tv..well it's allowed on a Saturday isn't it!

Once in the lounge son sits in MY chair again!  I say nothing and sit in the leather one, which is probably comfire anyway; it's just not MY chair.
The position is slightly inferior and the table is much farther away.  I say nothing however; he is the guest and getting married in a few weeks so his mind will be on other things.

It wasn't until we were halfway through Red or Black (or was it x factor or Million pound drop?...I forget, they all merge into one eventually!)...that Mrs Mac laughed as I juggled with peanuts and wine on my lap.  Son was sitting there in complete splendour with his mobile and two remotes balanced on the chair arms (they are perfect for that by the way!) ... with his drink and nibbles all within reach on the table.
'The old lion has lost his place in the pack' she said with unwarranted glee I thought! Of course we all had a good laugh about it (me through gritted teeth!)

When Mrs Mac retired for the night he de-camped to the sofa where he could lie down  (it's a hard life being the new lion on the block) I was able to recover MY seat as the malt whisky came out and we watched Jason Bourne create mayhem again.
Man, it felt good to be back!

Mac