The Word Cloud

Gosh, its been ages since I visited Wordcloud. Up until recently I have had a lot going on. I have now settled down to some work. I have been working on some illuminated lettering and have small exhibition in Dereham, Norfolk. I am also decyphering my father's diaries of his life in Brighton before the war for a book that will include my reminiscences of childhood in Brighton in th Fifties. It will contain lots of facts not found in any history book that would otherwise be lost. I also now feel ready to embark on a new relationship with a like mind who thoroughly enjoys life. I do miss the romance in my live and someon e to care for. Well, thats my life up to now. More later.

Gosh, its been ages since I visited Wordcloud. Up until recently I have had a lot going on. I have now settled down to some work. I have been working on some illuminated lettering and have small exhibition in Dereham, Norfolk. I am also decyphering my father's diaries of his life in Brighton before the war for a book that will include my reminiscences of childhood in Brighton in th Fifties. It will contain lots of facts not found in any history book that would otherwise be lost. I also now feel ready to embark on a new relationship with a like mind who thoroughly enjoys life. I do miss the romance in my live and someon e to care for. Well, thats my life up to now. More later.

 

The report on my book.

 

At the risk of sounding like I am doing the equivalent of someone tripping over and then trying to pretend they always meant to do that, my first reaction is that the negative points they raise are the ones that had occurred to me also.

Of course, being me I have already re-written the first chapter, and I hope that it addresses some of them, but I don’t want to appear that I am simply saying ‘oh well, I knew that’, far from it; I hope that I am trying to give lots of thought and consideration to their advice.

 

The report itself is a game of two halves; the first section is by the editor, the second by the agent. I have included my comments/reactions also, for your own amusement!

 

Of course, you haven’t read the synopsis and the first chapter, but hey, if you want to all you have to do is ask!

 

 

AT NIGHT, ALL CATS ARE GREY

 

Your short and long synopsises were both very clear, and covered all the plot developments which is excellent, but they did lead me to expect a different kind of book.  The agent has discussed this more fully below, but it’s worth really thinking about how you would define your work and whether the writing is working with that definition or against it.

 

Just a minor point, your spelling, grammar and presentation were all excellent, but in your short synopsis, you have ‘Danko’s was involved’…  I suspect a typo rather than choosing to add a possessive when not needed.

 

Can I just say at this point, and those of you know me will agree, the fact they only found one type ‘o’ and said my presentation was excellent otherwise, has pretty much made my day!

 

Your writing is very evocative, and you use language well and descriptively.  Agents and publishers often talk about a ‘voice’, that almost indescribable quality that sets each author apart from another, and you have a strong voice and I’d like to read more. Your use of dialogue is especially convincing, as is your sense of place.

 

That has to be a good point, pleased with that.

 

The plot is well constructed with a good blend of past and present events, and a range of different characters and events.  It’s important to end a novel with some resolution, and in your case, not only do Saskia and Danko get to be together, but he re-establishes his relationship with his daughters so there is an extra element.

 

Good also, it’s probably the first time I’ve managed to get a book to end!

 

I wasn’t sure about Geoff as a character – why would he be making a pass at Saskia after having left her for another man?  I know people are complex and he could be a bi-sexual but when men come out as gay and move into a committed relationship, they are less likely to come back to their former lives in this way – at least in fiction.

 

This is the only remark that annoyed me – what does she mean, that something which might happen in real life can’t happen in a book? However, I think that this confusion is down to my synopsis, in my book I have his motivations very clearly defined, so I need to get them across more clearly in the synopsis. Geoff is generally a spoilt brat - fatherhood dissapointed him as it turned out to be all sticky fingers and hetrosexuality - but now he's made a big fuss and decided he's gay and the shine has worn of that new toy and he's not so sure either.

 

Geoff’s motivation could simply be that he doesn’t want Saskia to start another relationship as this threatens the chance that she will be a surrogate for him and Michael, and he also doesn’t want his daughter around someone he identifies as a dangerous Russian criminal.  The synopsis doesn’t make it clear, but I assume Saskia decides not to have a surrogate baby?  Does she still feel like another child? 

 

I think she means ‘does she still want another child?’ Again, for me this fault is corrected by looking at the synopsis, because she doesn’t really want a baby, certainly not Geoff’s as soon as she meets Danko.

 

Re-reading the synopsis it looks as if Geoff threatens Saskia in some persistent way, is he emotionally abusive?  That would explain her low-level depression and sense of confusion about her life generally.  I can imagine him having blamed her for a lot of what went wrong in their marriage before finally coming out as gay.  If she is used to doubting her instincts and second-guessing herself, this will complicate her budding relationship with Danko in an interesting way.

 

This is exactly what is hinted at throughout the book – there are several references to Geoff controlling what she ate and wore, and mocking her appearance, and now that they’re divorced, he still controls her financially and ‘likes’ it when she asks him for help and money, so I think that I have covered this exactly as she suggests.

 

How is the novel structured in terms of viewpoints?  Saskia and Danko are your main characters and I would like to hear from both of them, perhaps alternately.  Looking at how the plot develops, there shouldn’t be a problem just writing from their perspectives, and that would keep it close to the reader.

 

Again, exactly what I do – the book moves between his and her viewpoint as the story dictates, so that the reader has greater insight into the situation than either character. There is only one moment when the POV moves away from them, which works for me as it forms the basis of an eye witness account which eventually allows him to prove self defense.

 

By giving us the entire back story to Danko’s life in the first chapter, you remove a lot of the suspense for the reader as to why and how he has become the person he is. 

 

The only issue I have here is that I don’t give the whole back story of his life, it’s only two, but the issue here I think is that I have over complicated it – and not made it clear that there is a greater threat coming for him. This seems to be the main problem with the first chapter, and what I think I’ve been working to put right since. I have clearly made them think this is what I have done, so that needs to be addressed.

 

Although you don’t fall into the trap of telling not showing, which is very common amongst authors, you start with a very information packed chapter that answers a lot of questions you’ve not yet had a chance to let your reader ask.

 

 

This is now from the agent –

 

From an agent’s perspective, this project needs a clearer identity. From the synopsis and character list, as well as the list of comparable works, I thought it would be either along the lines of a crime thriller/suspense novel or an upmarket mainstream novel, both of which are covered by a wide selection of imprints at publishers large and small. Female crime writers are particularly sought after in the editorial marketplace at the moment, so this would potentially be an intriguing prospect for agents and publishers.

 

However, the writing in the sample chapter, with its emphasis on memory and the frequent flashbacks, is quite literary. If you examine it in terms of the action that takes place in the 2,700 words of this sample, very little actually happens in the present day: a man fobs off a junkie on the subway to protect a woman, exits the subway and arrives in a cemetery to visit his dead lover’s grave. This doesn’t suggest to me that the book is a mainstream novel or a thriller, both of which tend to feature a strong narrative drive, at least in the opening scenes; rather, it immediately positions the book at the literary end of the spectrum. This means a smaller potential market, but also a more competitive one as the readers of literary novels (and the editors who commission them, even at small publishers) are extremely discerning.

 

 

I can see what she is saying here – and I have to agree with her – I do take some small pleasure that she thinks the idea is sound, and that the writing is good, but I would also agree that the chapter she read was not right for the genre as it stands – she’s the expert after all!

 

 

 

At the moment—bearing in mind of course that the project may still be in its infancy—I don’t feel the sample material quite reaches the required editorial standard for a literary novel. It’s all rather frenetic and disorienting considering how little present-tense action takes place, flipping between Danko’s childhood, two stages of his adolescence, the time of his hearing of Irena’s death seven years before the present day and the present day itself plus introducing his mother, his lover, his wife and his uncle. I wonder whether perhaps you’re just trying to fit in too much backstory too soon in the novel. Particularly if you are thinking of this as more of a mainstream novel rather than a literary one, I think it might be a worthwhile exercise to write these passages of Danko’s history in longer sections and then weave them together instead of these very brief snippets.

 

Ironically, these snippets that she talks about were boiled down from longer sections, maybe I’m getting too ‘cut happy!’ – Again, I have been working on this and how they are presented in this section – but it’s all food for thought.I have since cut out references to his wife, cut down the length of each flashback and have given each a present day trigger to more clearly explain why he has a flash back. I have also added in more present day thoughts and events, and more references to the threat which is coming for him now.

 

 

That said, I do feel you have writing talent and I wanted to continue reading. Your setting and character sketches are compelling (though when one thinks about multiplying that many flashbacks by that number of characters by perhaps 40 or more chapters, the book starts seeming a little daunting).

 

Well, can’t moan about that line can I! Though I don’t know why she would think I would have flash backs for all the characters, I don’t, I only have them for Danko and Saskia when they are essential to show where their motivation comes from. But I guess this really is her saying yes to what I have done, and warning me not to try and do this for every character in the book, which is a good point.

 

I would encourage you to pursue this project, but to be clear in your mind what you want to be writing. If it is a thriller or suspense novel, what are readers waiting to find out at the end, what happens in the first chapter to make them desperate to keep reading, and where are the thrills? If it is a mainstream novel, I would advise a slightly less convoluted narrative style in order to help hook the reader’s attention and make him or her care about the relationships in the novel. If it is a literary novel, I’d advise further work on your structure and technique and further thinking about how best to integrate these with your themes.

 

I can get with this – and what I take from it is that the chapter they have read doesn’t have enough of the present day threat in it – and I would agree, and with my re-write I have tried to get a much greater sense of that into it. I don’t think either of them are saying ‘don’t set this chapter in a grave yard with flash backs’ I take from this that they are saying ‘ use the flash back to show us why he is in the grave yard, and what he fears, and a rising sense of threat - show us the threat in the present day more being key.

 

 

I think the book and you as a writer could have potential in any of these areas. Where you decide you want to take it from here is up to you.

 

 

Well, that’s nice to hear – I think I’ve got to take that as a positive that she feels I have the ability to make this work in any genre, but I need to get the focus right – that’s a question of time rather than something unobtainable.

 

The last section is written by the editor.

 

In summary, you’ve written well and you have a strong story to tell.  Currently it’s straddling genres which will mean it falls between the cracks when submitting, and that would be a shame.

 

It’s harder to place literary novels so I would suggest you consider mainstream or crime as the directions to go in. Don’t be misled into thinking that a mainstream or crime novel can’t have depth of character, or emotional development.  Both those genres would give you a lot of potential for writing the sort of novel you are clearly capable of.

 

Once you’ve decided conclusively on your genre, make sure all your characters’ motivations are clear in your mind, and they therefore take the plot forward plausibly within the parameters of how you want it to progress.

 

In terms of working on your style, as the agent has mentioned, beware of cramming in too many flashbacks and forwards, and try to stay longer in the present.  If you do want to concentrate further on the characters’ pasts, then consider allowing full space to do so – you may find that actually it’s their pasts and then their collision in the future that interest you more than a murder and threatened kidnap plot.

 

Thank you for giving us the chance to read your work, and we wish you luck with your future writing projects.

 

(The last line is what they’re all taught to say in agent school!!!)

 

So, I am cheered by that, even though there are issues to address, I feel that they feel I am able to get there with the skills they have seen on display. As I didn’t really expect them to crown me as the next literary genius, I feel that I have done as well as can be expected; and as they have flagged up all the elements that I also felt needed work, I hope that I can learn to trust my judgment and get it right.

Understand me. I am not a Luddite. Technology is my living and I embrace all worthwhile advances. But is it all now distorting society beyond what is reasonable. Not only teenagers, but people of all ages and from all social groups now routinely wander around with music plugged into their ear, aurally cut off from the world. Heads down as they walk around they have no input from what is going on around them. If you want to speak to them you have to invade their space, even tap them on the shoulder. Every once in a while one of them steps off the curb and is mowed down, possibly by a driver who was similarly detached by base thumping sound from his in car audio system.

I went out for weekend brunch on Sunday. In the morning, naturally enough. There’s a little American style diner nearby. The background music was so loud I had to raise my voice just to order and meaningful conversation was impossible. In the morning.

I know a few young people who only conduct major elements of their life on the internet. I even know one who has recently got engaged to someone she sees less in real life than on the net.

What has happened to the humble telephone call? Statistics show that many homes don’t use their landline for calls any longer. It brings in internet connectivity and video. The mobile phone ceased to be about phone calls some time ago. People speaking to each other. It became about text. This is probably Vodafone’s fault because the text channel was originally an engineer’s channel but available to everyone. It was free and became hugely popular so they started charging for it. The rest is history.

People seem to talk and interact on a human level less and less. How this affects writers who seek to connect on a human level with their readers we have to see. But given that humans seem to be connecting less and l think it must change.

This particular rant is brought about by an email I received from Sony Ericsson this morning, plugging their new smart phone offering. I reproduce the text below. It is written by Sony Ericsson and I have changed nothing. For all I know I am increasing their sales by posting this. But my point is that this appears to be third generation on the social changes brought about by mobys. Read it carefully. It doesn’t mention calls, texts, emails, anything that involves human interaction on any level whatsoever. But they still call it a phone!

“The Xperia™ S  is the ultimate HD smartphone that lets you watch movies in razor sharp clarity on an HD Reality Display, create full HD videos and play great games in HD on this PlayStation® Certified smartphone. And with easy HDMI connectivity, you can show off all of your content on your TV.
The Sony Xperia™ P offers an outstanding combination of screen brightness and power-efficient viewing, thanks to Sony’s unique White Magic display technology so you can watch the latest movies, TV shows and videos on the brightest screen wherever you are. And with the 8MP fast capture camera that goes from sleep to snap in just over a second with a single key press, you’ll never miss a moment.
Xperia™ U packs powerful Sony entertainment into a stylish and compact design. Listen to all your music in crisp and loud sound with powerful performance from a dual core processor and make Xperia™ U yours with exchangeable colour caps for a vibrant personal touch.”

I’ve been involved with Chris’s book from its first inception, partly as Slave (“Course I’ll type it for you”), partly as Nag (“Come on, you’ve got to decide what happens in that room”) but largely as Gormless Stooge. The conversation might go like this:

Chris: What do you think The Watcher should be like?
Me:      Um, how about thin, bespectacled and serious?
Chris:  No, that’s rubbish. He should be fat, wheezing and jolly.

So there you are, invaluable advice. Suggest one thing and she’ll bounce the other way. Still, you’ll probably appreciate how chuffed I feel about the imminent publication (April 2^nd). And as for the cover, I’m feeling a certain amount of genuine Wow.

 

I love Amber, the elusive heroine, half present, half fading into Green Goddess obscurity, her hair dwindling into an amalgam of light flashes and geometric repetitions. And how about the Salamander Stone itself, embracing its own echo, fighting itself, feeding those light flashes – and ending in two mysterious red eyes?

Champagne Books (Calgary) make some really good covers. Call me biased, but I think they’ve done their best one yet for Chris. Judge for yourself. Hers is in the Coming Soon section at: http://www.champagnebooks.com/

They told me it would get easier. Nearly two years ago, they promised, they promised the pain would fade. Eventually I could wake up and she wouldn’t be the first thing on my mind. I could go to sleep and not imagine her lying next to me. But there was no magic cure. Time didn’t take away any of it. Everything, everything is still her.

                I still see her; every now and then, in a corner of a club, the other side of a bar or just walking through the city. Sometimes with him. They walk along, hand in hand, smiling. My brain tells me to do one thing and my heart another. Was it like this for you? When you loved someone? I want it gone.  I don’t want to battle myself; to run to her, to hold her one more time or to hurt her, rip her to shreds.  I don’t want to imagine touching her, feeling the heat of her skin on mine anymore. I don’t want to touch another woman only to close my eyes and see her face. I hate her. Every single bone in my body hates her.

                Some days I can walk along and pretend. I can convince myself that it isn’t important, that life will carry on. I survived. I am surviving. I can talk to another girl, feed her some beverages and take her home. I can act like a normal guy, looking for a good time. No complications.

                Of course, then I always remember.

Here’s an interesting story. Back on April 20^th I posted the following on the Word Cloud blog:-

This looks an interesting event. Does anyone know anything about it?

7th May, 12-4pm, Phoenix Artists Club, Charing Cross Road, London
Feedback from Literary Professionals – In small groups, each attendee with have a chance to discuss work and ideas directly with each Literary Professional.

Hannah Sheppard - Commissioning Editor, Teenage Fiction, Headline Publishing Group
Kate Lyall-Grant - Former Commissioning Editor, Hodder & Stoughton and Simon & Schuster UK, freelance editor
Darin Jewell - Author and Managing Director of The Inspira Group, literary agency
Gareth Howard, Authoright, one of UK’s top book marketing companies
Nick Griffiths – National journalist and author of a number of fiction and non-fiction books
Jonathan Reuvid – Author, editor and consultant editor of over 30 business books and Partner in Legend Business
Rupert Eales-White - Successful business book author
Tom Chalmers - Managing Director, Legend Press and Paperbooks Publishing

Cost: £59.99. To book your place, click below or email conference@legend-paperbooks.co.uk

I received various interesting replies to the blog, but I did not state the underlying reason for writing it at the time. Here it is. 

Some years earlier Chris, my wife, had written a teenage fantasy/thriller called ‘The Salamander Stone’ which had received good attention from reputable agents (e.g. ‘there are many published writers who aren’t a patch on you out there’) but no offers. Maybe at 120,000 words it was too costly a proposition in terms of bulk production, storage, transport, shelf space, etc. 

I kept prodding her to try again, and in 2011 she contacted a few agents by email, which led to an invitation to attend the Phoenix Artists Club event above. After a good think we decided to go, and it turned out to be a pleasant and rewarding day. It was especially illuminating to chat with editors and find they were – surprise surprise – as human as the rest of us. Afterwards, Chris signed up with an agent over a mug of coffee at Foyles Bookshop just over the road. 

She was told ‘The Salamander Stone’ would be sent out in three waves of five publishers – aiming high, aiming middle, aiming modest. She was copied onto the email replies, from which she learned she nearly got a bite from an ‘aiming high’ editor (who had read and enjoyed the opening on a plane trip, but then put it to one side: and you know what happens next – momentum lost, opportunity gone.) 

A few transatlantic publishers were also tried, and in August 2011, Champagne Books of Calgary replied with an offer. There may have been some serendipity here, as Champagne Books were opening a new imprint – ‘Burst’ – and looking for appropriate titles, of which ‘The Salamander Stone’ will soon become one. 

An interesting question, though, is why a 120,000 word manuscript was no longer too long, and the answer, I suspect, is digital publishing. That’s how Champagne Books mostly issue their titles, although, for those who like solid books, they also do trade paperbacks. 

And why do I mention all this right now? Because the date of publication approaches. Timescales seem shortened with this type of publishing, and ‘The Salamander Stone’ is due out on April 2nd, 2012. 

Just a couple of months. 

Time to start spreading the word. 

For instance, click here http://www.theinspiragroup.com/List%20of%20Authors.htm to see a mugshot of the up-and-coming new author, Chris Fenge. It’s been a long road, and there are plenty more tales to tell about the journey, but right now it’s leading to April 2nd.

Been thinking about blogs, how the experience differs for the writer and for the reader; how far they may end up from their original purpose and which ones fly.

To be clear, I’m not meaning the kind of blogs that are more like interesting essays or the kind designed to impart proper information. I’m thinking more of the interactive kind. The kind that doesn’t present a finished state, that initiates discussions, that welcomes a resolution.

Consider, if you will, the analogy of a dinner party. It’s made up of two words – dinner + party. i.e. the physical substance you eat in the setting it is, plus the company you dine with. It’s collaboration.

You need the starter fuel – the idea, the premise, the observation, the query, the food; then you need the people who will run with it: take it beyond what it was and morph it into something else, so that we’ve all learnt (been nourished), had engrossing conversations, and gone home sated with new understandings, new possibilities, new ideas and something to tell our friends.

If the host tries to control the event too much, the guests feel excluded, chat amongst themselves, make their excuses and leave (‘You must try this raw kidney and blueberry sauce – it’s divine; no, I insist.’ *slops it on*).

If the host makes no discernible effort, provides no stimulus or entertainment, then the guests can’t be bothered either and wander away grumbling (‘I schlepped all this way for some dinner, not a pot noodle and a peanut; I even had a bath.’).

Some meals may be more formal than others, the gourmet restaurant rather than the greasy spoon. Most of us would enjoy either at different times as long as they don’t pretend to be what they’re not. Hey, sometimes all we want is a plate heaped with cholesterol and calories, other times we appreciate the artistry of a matchbox-sized steak, a teaspoon of jus and four flirty chips nestled in a posy of exotic salad. Well, in the right setting, we might.

The spelling and grammar, structure and logical flow – that’s the courtesy we extend to our guests, to show we’ve made the effort, that we value their company. It’s finding the crockery that matches, putting out the best glasses, making sure there aren’t crusty bits between the tines of the forks and cleaning the loo. Oftentimes our guests don’t particularly notice what we’ve done, but they notice when we don’t.

Which isn’t to say that you can’t have a cracking party when the wine is served in coffee mugs, you’re eating charcoal and compost off a paper plate on your lap, and the host sits in their pyjamas as their cat’s sick in your shoes; it’s just a different type of party. You might grumble at a hair in your soup if dining Chez Heston, but shrug when round your mum’s.

It’s to do with authenticity, I think; and expectation. But above all, it’s about collaboration. It’s not about the host showing off their cooking skills (well, sometimes it is), nor the guests out to impress. It’s about tasting a morsel you haven’t tried before, getting involved with something that you don’t need to control, that will have a life of its own, that may grow up and leave you.

Without that give-and-take, that interaction, it’s hard to succeed. With it, it can fulfil all participants.

What leaves a nasty taste in your mouth? The person who won’t let others get a word in edgeways? The host who starts washing up when you’re still on the coffee and pondering a liqueur? The guest who doesn’t contribute very much and leaves with their pockets stuffed with your amaretto biscotti and takes away the unopened cheap wine they brought, having drunk all yours?

Despite what we think when we’re hosting a party, it’s rarely the food that people remember; it’s the company, the ambience, the expanding minds, the thoughts stimulated, the new understandings; the warm camaraderie, the mutual generosity, finding your secret worries aren’t so unusual after all; the surprises.

‘Thank you for having me.’

‘Thank you for coming.’

Like a good meal, a blog is more than the sum of its parts; it’s an independent entity, created by all. I think. And everyone goes home with a gift. Don’t you think?

Mozart was, in fact, Scottish. He belonged to the little-known clan of McMozart, an offshoot of the slightly larger clan of McBach. One of his most popular works, Eine Kleine Nachtmusik was originally a celebration of Scottish folktunes however it turned out that there was a surprising level of anti-Scottish feeling in Vienna at the time he composed it and it caused riots everywhere it was played. Under duress, he rewrote it as the version most commonly known today. The earlier version only came to light a few years ago. It has since been played all over the world and enjoyed by audiences who appreciate the beauty of Scottish folk melodies.

 

http://youtu.be/dauw05nZ1E8