The Word Cloud

I have a deadline. I always seem to have one, but this one, although 20 months away has become more real lately. I've mentioned it before, but I have to write a piano concerto for a performance in May 2013. That's 20 months away, but the orchestra will start rehearsing in March of that year, so that's minus three months (17), and it will probably take a couple months to set the parts (15). Sounds luxurious, still. Except that it is a concerto, and the soloist will probably want the music a year in advance of the performance. That means the piece needs to be in a final form by May 2012. (Ding!) Eight months.

I've restarted the piece five times, and in the end, I gave up and arranged another piece with a prominent piano part (that was unfinished) into the hulk of my concerto. I'm not sure that works, but it will have to. My other fall-back plan was to arrange a piano solo piece for piano and orchestra. That probably would have been easier, but less satisfying in the long run. It is still an option if I get in a panic.

Combine that with a potential move back to the US, and that's where unease becomes terror. I've got to finish the piece, pack up 22 years of accumulated junk, move, unpack, set up my office, and possibly teach two theory courses. (Oh, and sell the house and find a new one.)

That, in part, might explain why you haven't see much of me here lately. I just don't have the stomach for another rewrite of Mirror, Mirror right now. Instead, I have been spending my time writing as my alter-ego, finishing the first draft of "her" first completed novel, which is receiving excited responses from my readers.

While I'm awaiting detailed comments, am I writing as myself again? No. I'm still writing as her. She is writing a fake blog on a forum. (Everyone knows it is fake ... but not a fake blog written by a fake person ... although they do know she doesn't write under her real name.) I have assigned myself a minimum of 500 words per day, and it will probably be 79 installments (based on the meme for each installment), unless I get bored with it. (Her followers aren't, so far.) I'll probably end up with 50K words that I won't know what to do with at the end.

I'm not sure what to do. I write more freely under her name. Anything with my name on it becomes self-conscious, lacking her cynicism and frivolity. The wit might still be there, but I feel like I need to be a little more serious because someone is going to judge me by it. (My wife, my friends, my parents ... I'm sure you all know that feeling.)  She can be sappy and romantic or over-emotional, but I have to reign it in.

I suppose I could just wait it out. Finish the concerto, the rewrite of her book (how do I query it? *bangs head*), and write her out of my system until I can get back to Mirror, Mirror or one of my unfinished sci-fi extravaganzas. (Mirror, Mirror might be fatally flawed.)

Or maybe I should just "out" her and resign from all the forums she frequents. *shudders* (She's very popular ... unlike me.) 

My evil twin has finally finished the first draft of her novel. I'm going to give it a quick proof and send it out to my readers for comments.

Now I have to decide what to do with it. I'll have a couple of months away from it before I start on rewrites. I could, conceiveably, try to publish it under my own name, but I think it is likely to sell better under a woman's name. It's also marginally heretical, which is an argument for using a pen name to distance myself from it.

Spending some time away from it, I should have time to spend on more serious pursuits, like rewriting and finishing The White Room, the first actual book of my sci-fi series - the prequel is finished, except for another rewrite, and the second book is in a less-polished 1st draft state. The third book is in a similar state to the first, about 2/3rds through, and in first person.

Mirror, Mirror also needs some more work, but I'm concerned that it is fatally flawed, so I'm not ready to spend more time on it. 

Of course, my evil twin has her own ideas, bashing me over the head with another 15K hulk of a sci-fi extravaganza. We she ever learn?

Will I?

A while ago, I opened a new profile (female) on a writers site (not this one).  I did it basically to prove a point.  It had been clear to me that women (and men, too, actually) felt that  men couldn't write convincingly in a certain genre, so I wanted to see if I could prove them wrong.

And prove them wrong I did - in a big way.

That female persona almost instantly shot up to the top of the charts (when they still had one) while my male pseudonym languished in nowhere land, respected as a "serious" fantasy/sci-fi writer and reviewer, but completely dismissed in that other genre.  The female persona became a "serious" writer in that genre who also dabbled in fantasy and sci-fi.  At first, I tried to make "her" no different than my normal writing, except that everything was written from the female POV.  I even swapped gender on both sides - having her write as a male and him as a female.  To push the point even further, I had her post "rough drafts" while he posted "finished" work.  No change.

Both have high ratings (female 95.38; male 94.69), but the female persona gets 10 hits to every single hit of the male and can count on receiving a significant  number of reviews for each work posted, while the male is lucky to get one, unless he posts poetry, which might get one or two eventually.

That female persona gets invited regularly to a number of other new writers' sites and even has three magazine publications.  I get few invitations, and have only a single story published under my name (a contest winner). Editors beg to publish her stories (she never submits anything anywhere), while I have been thoroughly unsuccessful in my submissions.  Admittedly, where I submit my work is mostly a level above where "she" is published.

I'm bringing this up now because I've just gotten a handful of rejection letters (emails), and I'm a little down.   I got comments on one of them, saying that I was really close, but I think one thing that is hurting me a little is that I'm inherently cross-genre (in both personae, actually).  I write sci-fi, supernatural and fantasy as if it is magical realism, juxtaposing the world of today with the world of tomorrow or spirits or fantasy.  I've had brief comments from magazines saying that my writing isn't a good fit for them. Now, that might be just a form-letter type response, but where does a cross-genre writer go? I've even gotten that response from a magazine that prides itself on taking cross-genre writing.

I feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall, and it's so frustrating when I keep being told what an excellent writer I am (especially in the female persona).  It's going to be even harder when "she" finishes her occult-fantasy novel.  She will have to self-publish it, since I can't risk letting my true identity out - no book signings, personal appearances, etc.  Regrettably, it might even be a better novel than the one I just finished, but people have already read some excerpts from hers.  I can't risk having my real identity accused of plagiarizing from my fake identity!  

OMG, another whinge.  Sorry.