The Word Cloud

I'm going to come clean here and admit to being awfully excited: 'The Bother in Burmeon' has been reviewed by the SAS!

That is, of course, the alternative SAS - for those not in the know, The Scattered Authors Society, a collective of children's authors in the UK, who produce a really rather good blog, An Awfully Big Blog Adventure or AABBA for short.

I particularly like their blog for the variety - there are plenty of different contributors, so you never get the idea that they're running out of things to say.

I'd love to join them one day, but for the moment I'm happy to be in such great company.

Reviews are a funny old business, as I'm learning, and you might like to see an article written by my publisher on the subject here. It's aimed mainly at small/indie press authors, but there are plenty of useful tips for self-published authors, too. 

I read a lot. Of course I do. Current and newly published works feature in my reading. It’s informative, keeps one up to date and is recommended for those with aspirations such as mine. It is occasionally infuriating. The book I have just finished is one such. “The London Train”, by Tessa Hadley.

First, let me be absolutely clear. It is well written.  What follows is my opinion and doesn't go further than that. I didn’t really like it, but that’s a separate point. It has a sound narrative. Two of them actually. Which is my main issue. This is not a novel. It is two novellas glued together.

On the back we have several statements, one from The Times, as follows:

“The two halves of this novel are beautifully woven together”.

This simply is not true. There are two completely separate stories. No connection between them whatsoever. One concerns a very selfish man, completely dislikeable in fact, who sets off to find his not really missing daughter, who is found very easily. She is trying to foist another man’s baby onto a man who happens to be a Polish immigrant. He and his sister seem to be OK to me. In the end she returns home (kind of) to re-foist the baby on a teenage shag who had no idea he was up for it. That, that the MC is a bit of a shit and his (second) wife something of an angel, is it. All middle, no beginning, no end.

The other story concerns a woman, also rather dislikeable and selfish, who has had difficulties with her head following the death of her parents, not particularly tragically and has decided to leave her husband  who is a senior civil servant with some responsibility for immigration detention centres. The stories have in common that they are based near Cardiff, where Ms Hadley (not co-incidentally I am sure) lives, and feature other characters that live in London. Other than the incidental mention of immigration that’s it. There is no weaving together. It isn’t true.

These are stand alone novellas.

There are a couple of train journeys between Cardiff and London, their purpose to the narrative is to transport the characters between the locations. Nothing ever happens on the train and they cover a paragraph here and there. I see nothing to indicate that the title “The London Train” has anything to do with the stories.

The Daily Telegraph gives the view that .“There is something reassuring yet deliciously unexpected about a Tessa Hadley Novel”. I found it as reassuring as a pair of comfortable slippers but nothing unexpected happened. Lacking a clear ending that was inevitable, I suppose. Perhaps they were talking about another book.

I must point out that the blurb states that “- he forgets his own way home” of the MC in the first half. Well, that’s not true either. He ends up at home with his angelic wife letting him back.

So there we have my points. Two novellas have been published as a single novel and two of the review comments are misleading at best. Here on the Word Cloud and otherwise plugging away with Writer’s Workshop we have people struggling and agonising over every single word they write. Yet a lecturer in creative writing can get her novellas published as a novel on the table by the front door at Waterstone’s.

No offense to Ms Hadley, but this pisses me off.

 I’ve never done a film review before, nor impersonated a film reviewer; heigh ho, how hard can it be?

 Saturday night I watched ‘Taken’ on TV – a 4 star romp according to the guide and I was in the mood for a good film.

 This is what happens:

 Liam Neeson as Brian (Brian?) is at a loose end. Chooses a karaoke machine for his daughter’s 17^th birthday. Seems he’s been away a lot while she was growing up, doing something secret – ‘working for the government’. His ex-wife (who’s cross with him) has remarried and at the lavish birthday party thrown by the new stepdad, his daughter, Kim, unwraps the Karaoke and throws her arms around him with, ‘Oh Daddy, I love it.’ Liam’s then promptly upstaged by stepdad who leads in a live pony. OK, conflict established.

Seems he does a bit of security work these days. Old workmate persuades him into a spot of body-guarding for a singer at a concert (Holly Valance – I’d just seen her on ‘Strictly’, an hour before. Life really is stranger than fiction).

Liam protects Holly from some upsetness with an excited fan. She’s grateful and when Liam says his daughter wants to be a singer, Holly gives him a phone number. That’s handy. So far, so good.

Cut to scene in café – Liam meets ex-wife and daughter, who want him to sign a consent form so she can travel to Paris, France with her friend. She’s too young, he’s not happy. He signs it.

He takes her to the airport, gives her a mobile phone and makes her promise to phone him all the time. He finds a map in her rucksack with several European cities circled – uh-oh, seems she’s planning more than just Paris – she’s going to follow U2 on tour all over the place. ‘Don’t worry,’ says ex-wife, ‘it’s what girls her age do.’ Yes they do.

Dad says, ‘If anything happens, I’ll come straight over and get you back.’

Anyway, Kim and friend arrive at airport in Paris, France. Bump into ‘Peter’ who offers to share a taxi with them (and so knows where they’re staying!). Peter drops them off then makes a sinister phone call: ‘Two fresh ones, just arrived!’

Kim and friend explore the apartment as Liam phones, ‘Hey, you promised to phone me when you landed.’

‘Sorry Daddy, I forgot.’

As Kim walks about the apartment talking on the phone, and before she can give her new address, she sees her friend attacked and snatched from another room. She tells Liam that the only person who knows where they are is ‘Peter’, who they met at the airport. She relates the struggle to Liam who instructs her to crawl under a bed and tell him everything she sees, and to leave the phone open so he can hear what’s going on. She does. She sees feet. She’s snatched too. The men are speaking some foreign language that nobody knows.

Liam, over in California, leaps into action. Happily, his old CIA recording equipment is to hand and while she’s on the phone, he plumbs it in. A foreigner picks up Kim's phone and Liam tells him to let her go or he’ll come over and kill him. Ominous.

Foreigner says, ‘Good Luck’ in a sinister swarthy accent and crushes the phone.

Liam hurtles over there, faster than a comet. It’s not like California is the other side of the world or anything. He has 96 hours to find his daughter, or she’s lost for good [Govt Stats].

He arrives at their Paris flat a few short minutes later; as quickly as anyone arriving at a foreign airport. Not sure how he knows where it is – I might have clocked out for a second there. He gains entry (not sure about that, either) and paces through the rooms, replete with signs of struggles. He crawls under the bed where his daughter must have been, to see what he can see. Oh look! There’s the crushed phone that she was talking on – and the sim card intact. What a stroke of luck. He also pulls – er, something – from the cracked mirror – a few black hairs? Dunno what that was about – they don’t appear again.

Anyway, he gets a photo off the sim card – the one Peter took of the two girls at the airport. He enlarges it and hey presto, there’s the hazy image of Peter taking the pic – reflected in a phone box next to the girls. Phew!

Liam returns to the airport with the photo and sits in a bar, watching. A pretty Swedish tourist arrives and would you credit it? Peter only approaches her and offers to share a taxi! Liam’s on the case immediately, has words with Peter, who runs off and is crushed by a lorry. Exit Peter.

Somehow, Liam has a gun. Clever, that. When I tried to smuggle a sealed jar of ginger jam into France last month, Customs had it off me in a trice: it was a gel and therefore a bomb, despite my having bought it in Sainsbury’s the day before. They also nabbed my companion’s unopened tin of Stella. However, guns on flights is different – less of a threat and much harder to spot.

He meets up with an old colleague from ‘The Service’ who tells him it was probably Albanians wot dun it. Ah, of course. Kim’s destined for the sex trade most likely, after they’ve got her hooked on drugs. Dearie me.

Then Liam’s in a car (he has a car now – hurumph. When we tried to pick up a booked hire car in France last month, we queued for three hours). An Albanian translator joins him (they’re so easy to come by in a crisis in Paris) who listens to the recording and luckily speaks English too. There wasn’t much useful information to my ear, but Liam has read between the lines. He asks for an Albanian-English dictionary to help him work out the rest of the phone conversation and ditches the translator.

The next bit’s a little fuzzy; I think the cat wanted feeding or something. Anyway, someone swarthy has given this clue under duress: ‘go to Rue de Paradis’ and Liam charges off there, despite having no map and no idea where it is. He gains entry to the correct building immediately (wow) and gallops up the stairs. He opens door after door. Behind each, is a comatose girl lying on a bed, with her arm out and needle marks in it. The last room contains a girl who looks a bit like Kim. He pulls her hair away from her face. No, it’s not Kim, but what’s that in the corner? Why, Kim’s distinctive jacket! He scoops the girl up and takes her back (where?), killing a few swarthy people on the way.

He hooks her up to a saline drip to bring her round. It was another stroke of luck that he’d remembered to pack the saline drip (and its stand and needles) in the panic of leaving America, and that he got it through Customs and they didn’t think it was a bomb. Of course he could have acquired the saline and equipment in Paris – should be easy enough. Remember he only has four days to retrieve his daughter from the clutches of evildom so doesn’t have time to muck about.

Anyway, when the girl comes round, he asks her where she got the jacket. Can’t remember what she says, but it’s another clue and Liam furrows his brow. Think the girl may die at this point. Whatever, she’s served her purpose.

I’m a bit muddled over the next bit too. There’s a car chase, he screeches all over Paris (like you do in an unfamiliar city), outwitting the natives who know where they’re going, abandons the car, steals another, hotwires it and he’s off again. I remember thinking that we must be two-thirds of the way through at the car chase – it’s a common technique to wake the audience up (learned during a brief sojourn studying film-making). So please stay with it – we’re nearly at the climax.

Time is running out so he visits his old French colleague, whose welcoming wife invites him to dinner. No time for that, and we’re beginning to suspect the frog anyway. Is he all that he seems? Liam shoots the wife in the arm to make the traitor tell him the next bit.

‘Don’t worry,’ he says to the screaming woman who’s just had a gun pulled on her in her own home, ‘it’s only a flesh wound.’

Anyway, he gets the piece of the jigsaw and in a flash he’s at a seedy club where he kills a few more swarthy people (kerpow!) to muscle his way into a back room where girls are being auctioned. Swathed in sexy veils, the girls sway – clearly drugged – as men bid for them. Then, would you believe it, but little Kimmie is led onto the stage, also stumbling and swaying. He puts a gun to a man’s head and instructs, ‘Bid for her.’ The man’s uncooperative so Liam shoots him and bids for her himself. There are now dead bodies everywhere and people are upset. Soon he’s overpowered and jostled into a boiler room; he’s manacled to an overhead pipe but just as a swarthy man tries to strangle him, the pipe gives way! He’s free! Well, he has to get out of the handcuffs, but that’s not a problem.

Oh, I forgot a bit – he’s already tracked down the Albanian who kidnapped his daughter and wished him ‘Good Luck.’ He checks the man’s voice against the tape recording to be on the safe side, then kills him, because ‘I said I would.’

[Ah, I remember now - he's the one who squealed, 'Rue de Paradis' with his dying breath. Knew it was someone under duress. Yes, that's the johnny.]

Anyway, back to the plot. While he’s been unavoidably detained, shooting people in the boiler room, Kim has been hustled off somewhere else. Liam takes a bullet to the leg causing a mild limp, but as he said earlier, 'It's only a flesh wound.' He gets over it in no time. Literally.

He finds out she’s being taken to ‘The Sheikh’. Of course. The Albanian Sheikh. He must get to The Quay, pretty sharpish, as the sheikh is about to sail away in his ocean liner. He knows how to get to the quay too, and naturally there’s only one quay in Paris.

He’s there in a jiffy (another stolen car and with another stolen – and loaded – gun).

The yacht is already sailing, but our hero gets on it anyway. Not sure how.

Oh – forgot another bit – somewhere along the line, he finds the daughter’s friend, dead with needle tracks in her arm. So quickly? Poor thing. So that’s her dealt with. Kim’s jeopardy increases.

Anyhoo, he bursts into the master bedroom on the yacht to see the sheikh embracing his daughter. He shoots the sheikh stone dead. Kim is no longer drugged and swaying but falls into her father’s arms, ‘Oh Daddy, you came for me.’

Liam hugs her. ‘I said I would.’

 Zoom out. Fade.

 Epilogue: Despite the trail of carnage and court cases that must be brewing all over Paris, the pair arrive back promptly in California to be met by ex-wife and stepdad. Ex-wife extremely grateful, awe shining from her eyes. My hero. ‘You brought my baby back.’ Stepdad offers his hand and a lift home. Liam demurs, with, ‘No thanks, I’ll get a cab.’ Daughter skips off with them (sans amie) as Liam looks on wistfully.

 Epi-epilogue: He and daughter knock on Holly Valance’s door. ‘Welcome,’ she says, ‘I understand you want to be a singer? Come on in and let’s hear what you’ve got.’

 THE END.

 Crackin’ romp. Four stars.

* No Albanians were harmed in the writing of this review.

It seems there is nothing new about unpleasant book reviews. I stumbled upon this stinker yesterday. It is from an unsigned review (cowardly…) of Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens, and was printed in the Westminster Review in April 1866.  

Much of the caricature in the second volume is simply like trying to frighten a man by making faces at him; whilst in the chapter on 'The Voice of Society', Mr Dickens becomes as angry as a woman, and as inconsistent as The Times. But more extraordinary than any chapter is the preface, or postscript, or apology, for we don't know what to call it, which closes the work… His object in Our Mutual Friend, he says, is to set forth the wrongs of Betty Higden [one of the characters] and the Poor Law. Now, true art has nothing to do with such ephemeral and local affairs as the Poor Law and Poor Law Boards  … If Mr Dickens knows anything of human nature, he must know that the practical English mind is, as a rule, repelled by any advocacy in the shape of fiction. And to attempt to alter the Poor Law by a novel is about as absurd as it would be to call out the militia to stop the cattle disease…

My paperback for my second book, 'Hunt for White Gold', is released tomorrow so being in a good mood I decided to check out reviews on Amazon. Now I don't check reviews normally as no news is good news and I'm one of those who would rather not know. All OK, so I decided (just for wasting time) to check out some reviews for authors I know personally and others as my clicks just kept leading me from one to another.

Now we all know that there are reviews that give glowing Oscar-like speeches about how wonderful the book is and if you're a savvy Amazon cruiser you normally click 'See all my reviews' and notice that the reviewer has only reviewed that book and go, 'Oh, aye. That's funny. You must be related or a friend,' and discount it. But then I started to think a bit deeper about what this means.

First off, I noticed a pattern, (and I'm not just talking about indie authors I'm talking about traditional books as well; from people I know) often following a rave review there would be a comment or low star review about it along the lines of 'I don't know what book you were reading but,' or 'I wrote this review because I bought this book based on the glowing reviews and,' and generally these people are upset and disappointed.

The other pattern was that a lot of these five-star reviews had clearly not read the book. By that I mean that a genuine review seems to talk about the book in specific terms. They mention characters names, talk about certain plots, talk of parts that moved them or what their experience of it was and even point out why some people might not like it in order to strengthen their recommendation and not mislead. This is almost certain true of a bad review (which often follows) where the reader has blown the book apart. But at least they read it!

You can fill in the blanks yourself but they all follow a similar style:

'Couldn't put it down! Blew me away! Fantastic characterisation!(who? Why?) A real page-turner! Sensational plot! (what's it about other than the blurb above? This is usually where they insert a synopsis of the exact blurb) Kept me on the edge of my seat! (about what?) A roller-coaster ride of thrills and tension! (about what?! Tell me!)'

See what I mean? Now the thing that annoys me about this is that this is often driven by the author either directly or indirectly and supposes that your prospective audience is an idiot.

'If you give me a five-star review people will buy it! Then I'll have their money, ha, ha!'

But what you're actually doing is selling a book that sets itself up to be a disappointment. You're trying to snake-oil people into buying your book. And once you've hoodwinked them once why would they buy your second?

The other disturbing trend I noticed was in clicking on the comments. Often people took the time to write things along the lines of 'I have tried to give this book a bad review but it keeps getting removed.' This may be because of two things. The author reports the review as abuse and asks twenty people to do the same so the review gets removed or, surprise, surprise, Amazon are in the business of selling books and will find any excuse to remove it.

The bottom line is I spent a considerable time checking one author's forty-plus five stars reviews only to discover that two-thirds of them were written by people who had only ever reviewed that item and none of whom showed any sign of actually reading the book other than regurgitating (love that word) the hook of the book.

Personally I do check reviews if I'm intrigued by a book that I wouldn't normally buy and I always use the criteria above to see whether I trust that review or not. To me the reprehensible thing is rather than try to build loyalty with readers through your writing or genuine word of mouth you'd rather bamboozle people into buying your book.

There's an old adage about selling cars that highlights this. 'You don't sell a guy one car. You sell him five cars over fifteen years because he trusts you.'

 

 

 

Readers can be a skittish bunch, bolting for cover at the first distant rumble of the author promo wagon.

I don’t blame them. Nothing spoils a good conversation like a salesman with a megaphone.

What usually happens is this. Readers find a nice site where they can congregate and have good conversations about books. A writer discovers the site and thinks he has struck gold.

Word of this rich seam of “customers” spreads like wildfire, and writers descend on mass hauling wagonloads of blurbs, excerpts, taglines, hyperlinks, ALL CAPS, and, yes, megaphones.

If the website has good moderators, they will nip this in the bud, and corral the writers into a little pen where they can all shout at each other, and not bother the readers.

Sometimes writers bitch and moan about this, but it’s not like they are banned from the rest of the site, they’re just not allowed to bring the megaphone with them. Sounds fair to me.

Besides, have you seen the sites without these rules? Not too many great conversations about books going on because the readers have bolted.

Some sites, like Kindle Boards, have the balance just right. They have a sub-forum for writers to talk shop. And they have a separate section for promo threads. That way readers who want to talk about books aren’t interrupted by salesmen or authors discussing promo strategies, and the writers discussing business aren’t being sold to either.

Writers can venture out to the larger site and engage readers, but promo is strictly banned, and even an oblique reference to your books can be frowned upon. Writers may display their wares in their signature, but that’s it. Again, seems fair to me.

All of the above is a somewhat convoluted introduction to a promo tip. However, the warnings are necessary, as the site in question – LibraryThing – is populated by readers who are (rightly) fiercely protective of their space.

They don’t take kindly to writers who barge in and start promoting. They will be dispensed with quickly, as I have seen first-hand. As I have said before, the golden rule of social networking is: Don’t Be A D*ck.

LibraryThing is full of great conversations about books with groups talking about every little sub-genre, every aspect of books and reading, and lots of other stuff too. It’s a site for readers. Writers are more than welcome, but only if they remember that.

In short, don’t promote your book. In fact, don’t even mention your book unless directly asked about it. You aren’t even allowed a text signature mentioning your books or your blog. You must enter with your “reader” hat on.

As such, it’s a great place to talk about books.

But there are promo opportunities too. They have a section of the site called Member Giveaways - which are an informal way for members to give away copies of books to other members.

Using this, I gave away 300 copies of my book, which has garnered me a ton of reviews.

   To see how, and for a chance to get your hands on an advance copy of my new book, read the rest of today's blog post:

http://davidgaughran.wordpress.com/2011/07/15/promo-tip-librarything-giveaways/

There is an old adage that half the money you spend on advertising is wasted but the problem is you never know which half. I think with social media the percentage which is effective is more like 10%.

I see it like a farmer scattering a mystery bag of seeds in a wide open field. You don’t know which ones will take, and which will get eaten by birds. And you never know when they will blossom.

Like many self-publishers, June has been a tough month for me. Amazon’s Sunshine Deals (where they discounted 600 Big 6 bestsellers to between $0.99 and $2.99) just killed my sales. By the time it kicked in fully a few days into the month, my sales had more than halved.

However, this weekend,  a four-pronged promo assault pulled my sales out of the fire. What happened? How did I achieve this?

Read today's blog post to find out:
http://davidgaughran.wordpress.com/2011/06/20/you-never-know-when-your-promo-seeds-will-blossom/ 

This is the seventh part of my continuing series INDIE PUBLISHING FOR INTERNATIONAL WRITERS, a step-by-step guide to getting your stories into (digital) print. I’ll be doing each step with you, learning as you do, because I’ve never done this before either. I will be compiling all these steps into a free e-book for my blog-readers when I am done.

Step 7: Reviews: How To Get Them, And How To Deal With Them 

Some people are sceptical about the power of reviews and whether they have any significant effect on sales. However, I think this is a very short-term view.

In today's post, I show you why every review is important if you look at the big picture, how to go about getting reviews on Amazon and Smashwords, how to find book bloggers, and how to get them to review your book.

I also discuss paid reviews, dealing with negative reviews, and how to promote your book using positive reviews.

Read the full post here: 
http://davidgaughran.wordpress.com/2011/05/18/indie-publishing-for-international-writers-step-7-reviews-how-to-get-them-and-how-to-deal-with-them/ 

I posted this on my blog this morning, but thought you guys might be interested too.

Into The Darkest Corner is a gripping psychological thriller that will have you racing to the end. For a chance to win a copy of the book and ask the author a question click through to my blog

The Blurb

Catherine has been enjoying the single life for long enough to know a good catch when she sees one. Gorgeous, charismatic and spontaneous – Lee seems almost too good to be true. And her friends clearly agree, as each in turn falls under his spell.

But Lee’s erratic and sometimes controlling behaviour makes Catherine feel increasingly isolated. Driven into the darkest corner of her world, she plans a meticulous escape.

Four years later, and struggling to overcome her demons, Catherine dares to believe she might be safe from harm. Until one phone call changes everything…

The Review

Into The Darkest Corner is a début novel from Elizabeth Haynes – and long may she continue writing.

A couple of pages in and I couldn’t put this fast-paced thriller down. I was increasingly drawn into Catherine’s world of anguish, OCD and domestic violence.

The two time-lines of Catherine’s life are subtly woven together pulling the reader through the ups and downs of both the then and now, giving a complete understanding of two very different Catherines and the devastation that domestic violence has, even long after it has stopped.

It covers some difficult topics – OCD, domestic violence and obsession – but it does so with the quiet finesse and well crafted plot of writer that understands her topics well. I loved this book and would happily recommend it to my female friends both as a brilliant psychological thriller and an interesting window into the world of OCD and obsession. I’m not sure it’s a book that men would get much out of being very much about the inside of a woman’s head

Into The Darkest Corner is available from Amazon both in paperback and on kindle.

About the author

Elizabeth Haynes is a police intelligence analyst. She started writing fiction in 2006 thanks to the annual challenge of National Novel Writing Month (Nanowrimo) and the encouragement of the creative writing courses at West Dean College. She lives in a village near Maidstone, Kent, with her husband and son. Into the Darkest Corner is her first novel.

I met Elizabeth at the Festival of Writing last month in York and she was really friendly and approachable. You can visit Elizabeth’s Blog, 30 Days 50,000 Words, and find her on Twitter:@Elizjhaynes

Ask A Question And Win A Signed Copy

Elizabeth has not only agreed to answer any questions you may have about the book and the writing of it, but has also very kindly offered to send a signed copy of Into The Darkest Corner (or her next novel due out in around 12 months time if you already have a copy of this one) to a randomly selected person, anywhere in the world, that asks her a question.

Leave your questions for Elizabeth in the comments on my blog and she will answer them in a separate post next week.

Buy Into The Darkest Corner from Amazon 

I was hugely impressed with this new web site called 'Book Drum'. It is on the face of it, an entirely new and exciting site for those interested in books and writing.

The site enables 'contributors' (authors or readers) to register and put up reviews of favourite books, which is not of course in itself unique.

But what is new and innovative about this site is, it enables, through the use of 'bookmarks' a facility where the contributor can take a quote from the book, and attaching to that page additional information which can be video, photographs, drawings,  sound files, maps, map co-ordinates, research, documents etc., which add to the total story behind the book - hence 'Beating the Drum' for the book.

I'm proud to say that at present my book 'Clan' is the 5th most popular book on the site - only 2 places behind Bram Stoker's 'Dracula' (Number 1 is 'Saturday' by Ian McEwan) so feeling totally unworthy in such illustrious company!

For those of you who have contributed to my blog discussion on 'Literary Fiction' that might be quite amusing!

Below is a sample of a video included as a bookmark in 'Clan'