The Word Cloud

Further to the letter from the Times, this is a letter to the passport office.

This was actually taken from a UK
> > passport application
> > and a member of staff
> > copied it,
> > as it made her laugh all day.
>
>
> >
> > Subject: Passport Application
> >
> >
> > Dear Minister,
> > I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to
> understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.
> >
> > How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and
> telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in
> 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on
> what date?
> >
> > How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every
> Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I
> have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you
> still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with
> contractors working for the government?
> >
> > How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I
> am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the
> government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will
> keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
> > Do you people do this by hand?
> >
> > You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one
> with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on
> my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports
> I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
> before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and
> all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the
> electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our
> lords and masters are up for re-election.
> >
> > Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in
> Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden
> name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely
> astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!
> >
> > I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between
> you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house,
> then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of
> Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture... Do I look like Bin
> Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want
> to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of
> week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.
> >
> > Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get
> another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to
> the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to
> have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new
> passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make
> sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with
> our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on
> the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile
> in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
> > Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!
> >
> > I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten
> years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances
> which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the
> Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have
> been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the
> Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am --
> you know, someone like my doctor...
> > who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN
> PAKISTAN...
> >
> > Yours sincerely,
> > An Irate British Citizen.