Ok just a snippet of my comedy called "3 routes 1 road"
Im new to all this writing and to be honest probably not comedy gold but hey, we all have to try right?. Anyway have a look at this and see what ya think so far?
Scene 3
Emma is at work at the flamingo bingo and she’s calling out numbers. There are only a handful of people there and mostly old people apart from a few strange characters.
Emma: And me a fiver, number 60
What’s that round the corner, number 30
House!, calls the old lady
Emma: Ronnie son, go check er bleedin numbers.
You know she’s always calling house and she never bleedin as it.
(Ronnie goes over to the old lady and checks the numbers)
Ronnie: Pat love, that’s not number 30 it’s the number 03 and that’s not 60 its 09. You got the paper upside down love.
CARRY ON EMMA (He shouts)
Emma: Nice one Ron. (The crowd sigh in distress)
Emma: fat bloke from heaven, number 4
Old man falling, 9
House!!
(Emma points to Ron)
Emma: You know what to do Ronnie boy.
(Ronnie goes over to a really short and scrawny looking man and checks the sheet)
Ronnie: He’s all good Emma.
(This is where jockey john is introduced)
Whoo hoo shouts john
As Ronnie turns around, Jockey John leaps on his back and starts riding him like a horse.
Jackie John: How much have I won? Tell me tell me!
Ronnie: Emma bloody tell him quick for god sake. (As he’s wildly walking out of control from john on his back)
Emma: John get off him love, you’ve only won a fiver.
(John jumps off excitedly and tries to calm himself down, with a swig of pop)
John: Well, i know what would make this day a prefect one and I want to share this experience with everyone around me.
You know what I’m going to do (still breathing heavily from the excitement)
I’m going to split my fiver with all of you.
(Everyone claps and cheers for him
and he gives the biggest smile he possibly could and starts
pointing to everyone excitedly)
.............................................................................................................
Well this is what i have as a snippet but hope to get some
constructive feedback. Many thanks
3 Comments
Its err kind of going nowhere, how about a demented bingo caller called Ivan Krakwonov who is 58 years old and believes Peru is actually a department store.
he could call the number like..."All the sixes...82! Two fat ladies....10" he could have be idiosyncratic but as the sitcom would go, the sad gits who go to bingo aint got f**k all better to do and have to endure Ivan and his demented ways he tells the weird facts "Bruce Willis'es real name is Ted Cheezer!" "The T34 was made in Sunderland" actually I think I might have a go!
Click here to sign up now.