Fifty Shades of York
Fifty Shades of York
The story of virgin writers that do not have the skills or experience to build to a riveting climax. They are idealistic, naïve and vulnerable. Ripe for tough-love and a voyage of discovery that will hurt at times, but which may change their lives forever.
Enter the professionals. Smiling and salivating at the appetites they will satisfy over 3-days of hedonism…on their terms. Go here. Do that. Listen. Write. Such detailed conditions to sign-up to and rules to obey. So many rules. Submissions they call them – it’s just word play.
The agents and publishers administer strokes and slaps to an army of followers who, by now, would do anything for their patronage. The Doctors of Books break-in their steeds with careful praise and stern discipline. The uninitiated tremble at the echoing-crack of an Editor’s pencil.
Alcohol and intellectual stimulants are introduced, slowly at first, then by the bucket. Behaviours change, roles are adopted, inhibitions are re-written. This is the pattern. Two-thirds into the Festival and the writers are being told what to wear. It is dark and moist and inevitable that boundaries will be crossed. Irrevocably.
The writers succumb, of course. They need release, deliverance and the bitter-sweet loss of years of anticipation. They plead to their masters and their mistresses.
‘Oh please. I’m so close, I’m nearly there.’
Most remain unheard.
‘Can you? Please. Oh God. Yes…yes!’
Beads of literary sweat signal desperation.
‘Now…please. I’m begging you.’
It ends in unedifying surrender.
‘Anything you ask, just punctuate me. Punctuate me all night, baby!’
Fifty Shades of York
Beautifully written. Beautifully cast. An orgy. «««««
23 Comments
Er, (straightens clothes and lights up a Mars bar,) well... No comment...
Good blog :)
So, next year? ...
Tony - nice of you to say so. The beginning and middle are still issues though.
Whisks - jackets and medals I think were mentioned. I did see a rather striking black leather holster though.
Minxie, Bren, SthGIppsGirl, JT, Gels - many thanks. I really think you should experience it first hand. There's nothing like it ;-)
The Wordcloud - Ying and Yang. I can see you were over-punctuated, I have the opposite problem. Of course a good book doctor will put you straight in just 10 minutes. Won't they Debi.
John, Tenacity, Mac, Squidge, Skylark - of course you know the truth, 'cause you were there. Fun wasn't it.
Jenn - Thanks, but it was all true. Room for one more next year. Hope to see more of your writing on here.
I must say, I went to York for the 'slaps', but found the 'strokes' much more enjoyable...
Slaps are over-rated. Strokes are something you could get used to.
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