Sandwich (what I have so far of a short story)
You know how that need for a sandwich suddenly sneaks up on you?
It’s not like it’s a gradual thing; there’s no ‘I may be in need of
a sandwich shortly’, it’s just a sudden, violent need to be
cramming bread, meat, cheese and whatever else you can find into
your gob like a meth-head smoking his first hit of the day. That’s
not to say that you cannot enjoy the sandwich making process. Some
of my finest moments have been during a particularly good period of
sandwich artistry. I even named one of my incredible creations ‘The
Jeremy Clarkson’ as it was the best sandwich in the world…
I felt that this may be one of those moments that I would look back on fondly as an epic sarnie of our time. During that ever so long and arduous trek from the sofa to the kitchen, I was already mentally digging through the fridge and grabbing any and all ingredients that could assist in creating this beautiful monstrosity. With shaking hands, I grasped the cold, hard handle of the great white beast, the keeper of all things nom and good, and yanked its jaws wide open with wild abandon. The holy light clicked on, revealing the beast’s succulent innards that I had eagerly procured from Tesco not so long ago. My dilated pupils scanned the heaving shelves with the eagerness of a horny boy at a strip club and landed on the first essential ingredient; a virginal packet of mouth-watering cheese, wrapped tenderly in its plastic clothing. I extracted it and place it on the gleaming breadboard that rested upon my kitchen counter.
The next part is the meat, the juicy guts of any worthy sandwich. I was no neophyte when it came to meat selection, no naïve purchaser of inferior products. There would be no mottled wafer thin ham or stringy reformed chicken in Valhalla and neither would there be in my art. Only the thickest, most tender cuts of supple flesh would do. I selected some oak smoked ham and roast chicken breast and placed them gently beside the cool, firm cheddar. I knew instinctively that this was not a time for greasy mayonnaise, though I had used this white glaze before, no, only locally sourced organic butter would do to softly moisten my creation. I positioned the butter dish besides its worthy comrades.
For the final layer, I delved into the hard, crisp world of the vegetable drawer and extracted the necessary fruits and greens. Juicy, firm tomatoes, a beautiful shade of blushing red, velvety soft to touch, their outsides giving no hint of the saturated world that hid within. Perfect, lush green leaves of fresh gem lettuce, rustled together as though whispering secrets as I placed them on the counter.
My bread, no ordinary chemical filled sliced nonsense but whole, crunchy baker’s goods with a light brown crisp shell that protected the yielding white cushion within.
I felt that this may be one of those moments that I would look back on fondly as an epic sarnie of our time. During that ever so long and arduous trek from the sofa to the kitchen, I was already mentally digging through the fridge and grabbing any and all ingredients that could assist in creating this beautiful monstrosity. With shaking hands, I grasped the cold, hard handle of the great white beast, the keeper of all things nom and good, and yanked its jaws wide open with wild abandon. The holy light clicked on, revealing the beast’s succulent innards that I had eagerly procured from Tesco not so long ago. My dilated pupils scanned the heaving shelves with the eagerness of a horny boy at a strip club and landed on the first essential ingredient; a virginal packet of mouth-watering cheese, wrapped tenderly in its plastic clothing. I extracted it and place it on the gleaming breadboard that rested upon my kitchen counter.
The next part is the meat, the juicy guts of any worthy sandwich. I was no neophyte when it came to meat selection, no naïve purchaser of inferior products. There would be no mottled wafer thin ham or stringy reformed chicken in Valhalla and neither would there be in my art. Only the thickest, most tender cuts of supple flesh would do. I selected some oak smoked ham and roast chicken breast and placed them gently beside the cool, firm cheddar. I knew instinctively that this was not a time for greasy mayonnaise, though I had used this white glaze before, no, only locally sourced organic butter would do to softly moisten my creation. I positioned the butter dish besides its worthy comrades.
For the final layer, I delved into the hard, crisp world of the vegetable drawer and extracted the necessary fruits and greens. Juicy, firm tomatoes, a beautiful shade of blushing red, velvety soft to touch, their outsides giving no hint of the saturated world that hid within. Perfect, lush green leaves of fresh gem lettuce, rustled together as though whispering secrets as I placed them on the counter.
My bread, no ordinary chemical filled sliced nonsense but whole, crunchy baker’s goods with a light brown crisp shell that protected the yielding white cushion within.
12 Comments
ps. I see you have inherited raffers' talent, nice to meet you :D. Now outta my way de-carbed woman comin' through!!!
Great fun. What a refreshing change from some of the serious stuff on here.
Having said that, men eat things that leave women baffled; I well remember a ex-girlfriend's appalled look as I bit into my home-made Southern Fried chinese chicken curry burger . . .
For me, food is just food, and nothing to get excited about. Having said that dark chocolate is quite nice.
Sometimes it's nice just to chuck it all in and eat it really quickly, but others... it's nice to tease the tastebuds with the ritual of preparation then eat it really quickly. Great blog - it's nice to start the day with a smile.
And Wrath, NOW I know what it was that scrawny kid opposite me on the train was eating last summer. Turned my stomach something rotten.
Gentlemen, I can't agree with you on the man thing. I could listen to Raymond Blanc expound on his passion all day and AA Gill's restaurant reviews have been required reading for years as far as I am concerned.
Hungry now :)
Thanks for reading and commenting everyone xx
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